He told me i need a good man

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  • #856059 Reply


    Guy I’ve [24F] been going out with [28M] said i need a good man

    I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3 weeks. Things are going great and we see each other frequently. He has been taking me on dates ever since we met. Today we got into the conversation of ex’s and old flings and he said “you’re doing good to be 24” “you have two jobs your own place and a nice car you just need a good man someone who is a doctor or works at NASA or something”

    And i assumed he liked me but after he said that maybe he considers me a good friend who he enjoys to hang with since he’s telling me i need someone else

    TL:DR; guy I’ve been going on dates with told me i need a good man

    #856093 Reply


    Time will tell on this one. I would say he may be a bit intimidated and wondering if he has enough to offer you. If you like him give it some more time and see what he does. If you are not that interested in money and status, you could casually say that shared values and ideas are more important to you. Just my take. Keep us posted!

    #856102 Reply


    What job does he have?

    Personally, the times I’ve said similar stuff is when I liked and cared for someone but had no romantic interest. Like a mentor. I know 4 years isn’t a lot but coincidentally I’ve often said it to someone in late teens and early 20s

    Other possibilities:
    He likes you but doesn’t feel good enough. Or needs more time to develop an attraction. Neither of these would apply to me. If I like someone, silly insecurities can pop up sure but an overwhelming part still wants to be with someone.

    But that’s me. Not all men function identically. It’s impossible to know for certain what he means by that without context and so little info. So I agree with the advice to give it more time.

    #856111 Reply

    T from NY

    Unfortunately I think you’re instincts are correct. He may like you but that comment does not bode well. Men decide very quickly what category they put you in – a friend, a f%#k, potential girlfriend, potential wife. His comment either indicates he doesn’t see himself with you as a future partner or reeks of insecurity. I’m not saying it’s a 100 percent done deal. BUT men who are trying to woo you rarely cast themselves in a negative light. They will pull out all the stops to win you.

    AND, probably most true, my dad used to say – If a man tells you he isn’t good enough for you – believe him.

    #856143 Reply


    3 weeks is really nothing. You don’t know him yet. I don’t think this is age-related, he sounds insecure or wishy-washy. Unrelated to you. T’s advice from her dad is excellent.

    You can give him some more time to see if he steps up and wants to be your boyfriend, but if it is insecurity watch out. It makes relationships extremely difficult. I want to say maybe he was just joking, but I had an ex who would joke like this and it was still all insecurity… he really meant everything he said but tried to brush it off if someone called him out (but I’m just joking!).

    #856321 Reply


    I feel like he doesn’t really like me

    #856336 Reply


    Helen–I have had an ex that said this type of stuff to me and said how he is “so lucky to have me” cause I was so out of his league, and talked about how much of an a**hole he was (he legit would point blank say to my face “i am an a**hole, why do you like me”) and I ignored these huge signs. Well lesson learned: he was! So far though it seems like he likes you and is interested, maybe just doesn’t feel like he is enough. Give it time. I know its difficult to read. Take in consideration of your gut intuition since that usually is correct. Be prepared for the worst but hope for the best. I also had another guy who would talk about how much he liked me, I met his parents, yet when we were out would constantly talk about previous flings with “this girl i was seeing”, and it made me feel like he didn’t really like me all that much. And I was right! Again! So what you’re feeling is most definitely reasonable–there’s a reason our alarm system goes off when we hear something like this. Keep us updated please!

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