Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He has a criminal record
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 4 years, 2 months ago by
Phoebe.
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Ally
So been seeing this guy for two weeks now. I’m well-educated and well spoken whereas he’s from a rougher area. He told me he would like us to date exclusively and I said okay ( I don’t like to date multiple people at a time anyway). Things are going well, he’s really sweet to me, buys me dinner all the time, drives 30 mins to see me whenever I want, and just small things here and there. He’s clear on what he wants, which is a relationship. But I went in with just having fun (i.e. going for coffee, movie, doing fun activities together) and getting to know new people and see where things go. Now, I really like him.
So we had a serious talk the other night about past relationships and where we are right now and I found out he has a criminal record. He told me it was unjust- he was drunk and a few guys provoked and jumped him and he retaliated and the fight got ugly. He was then charged with assault last summer.
I guess I just can’t get pass that he has a criminal record- does that make me shallow? It’s just I’m from a well-educated background and it might not work and I don’t wanna hurt him. I told him the other day that a break might be nice and he got upset and said I stole his heart and now it hurts.
What do you guys think about this? He doesn’t drink at all now mind.
kaye
Yes I would see this as a huge red flag and it would make me apprehensive about seeing him again. Especially when it’s only 2 weeks into the relationship. Why stay around and get attached if the 2 of you have totally different backgrounds and you don’t think you’re compatible? We’re not talking about something here that happened when he was young and immature, we’re talking about something that happened last summer! You also add in the fact he doesn’t drink at all now. Did this incident make him realize he’s an alcoholic? Did he go to AA? Does he have anger issues when he’s not drinking? You go on about him buying you dinner, driving to see you, being really sweet…all those things are EXPECTED when you first start dating a guy! I mean if he’s not making an effort the first 2 weeks then why would you even date him? Nothing you have said about his is spectacular or anything any guy wouldn’t be doing. If you’re gut is telling you to take a break from him then I would listen to it. It’s much better to drop a guy after 2 weeks if you know it won’t work than to wait months and then really break his heart.
Liz Lemon
It’s not shallow. Kaye is right, we’re not talking about a drunken arrest from his youth. This was just last year. So I don’t think it’s shallow of you at all to be concerned. He might have learned his lesson and be a very nice guy but if this aspect of his recent past makes you uncomfortable, you have a right to those feelings.
People date to find someone who’s compatible with them. It’s OK to decide it’s not working for you if you have reservations about his criminal history and your very different backgrounds. That’s what dating is about, finding someone who’s a good match.
“I told him the other day that a break might be nice and he got upset and said I stole his heart and now it hurts.”– I find it very weird that a guy you’ve been dating for 2 weeks is “upset” that you want to slow things down. You barely know each other. I can understand him being disappointed since he liked you, but it’s kinda manipulative of him to say you “stole his heart” and he’s hurt. It’s only been 2 weeks! So that seems a bit over the top to me.
Raven
This is a Big No…
He’s manipulative too!LaFrance Thibodeaux
Ally,Sounds like to me he may be a trouble maker..& I bet he has more than assault on his rap sheet as well..I’m not saying that being from a rough area or him having an assault charge makes him a horrible human being..I’ve live on both sides of the tracks..The rough side & the prestigious side..Normally the good guys & girls living on the bad side of town dont associate themselves with the ones out causing hell in the community..Let alone being out in the public while intoxicated & getting into fights..That let’s you know that he’s comfortable & very familiar with his surroundings..He may like you alot but he also knows that you dont know much about the streets or being from the rough side..If you knew like I know you wouldnt fool with his kind..
Helena
This is a big no no. I date a guy with same kind of criminal charge and I waisted 2 years of my life . These type of guys can show a sweet side of them to you but in reality they are violent . I advise you to stop right there because for me it ended up ugly
Phoebe
Yes it’s incredibly shallow. A lot of people have criminal records. Honestly he deserves better than someone as judgemental as you.
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