Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › He broke up with me, I feel guilty for past actions
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Mary.
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Sara
My partner broke up with me last week. I was also thinking about breaking up with him as well, my reasons for breaking up was not feeling included and feeling insecure how he acted around women when I was not around.
2 years ago, he had hired a new girl for him company, but he told me about her, so I felt secure about it. Later that summer, he went on a family trip, I was not invited too, and asked me to help his business is any issues arose, I said no problem. That summer, while he was away someone very close to me passed away after a quick battle with Cancer.
During this time, his long standing employee called me angry that this new girl was taking her hours ect. I was already very emotional at the time, and she was telling me how this new girl would always come running out when she saw him “bouncing her tits around” I asked if he acted single or in a relationship when I was not around, she said single. She also confirmed some other fears.
So we are chatting, I am worked up, emotional. I went through his computer and found out this new girl made
More and told his employee. Instant regret. I said how bad I felt and how our relationship would be over if he found out.Well last week, our relationship was on edge, I was upset about other things, and I guess while he vented to her about me, she decided to tell him that I was the one who told her how much the girl made.
This was not the only factor to why we broke up, but he was very hurt and angry with what I did.
I feel so much guilt for this. Also to add, as time went on, and I expressed my feelings of insecurities about other women, he would say I have nothing to worry about, but I felt he was not always being honest after my talk with the employee.
Now I am feel guilty for my actions, mad I didn’t say anything at the time as I could have shared with him what she shared with me and it could have given us a better relationship.
I guess, I am wondering other peoples thoughts on this situation. Should I feel as guilty as I do?
I taking the lesson as, always respect someone privacy, speak up with something makes me feel insecure, and then decide what to do based on how they act
Eric CharlesKeymasterOK, everything you said makes sense to me. I can understand how you look back on what happened and you have regrets.
Here’s the thing: If you could do it over again, you wouldn’t have done what you did. This means you learned your lesson. You grew.
People make mistakes.
Can he forgive you for it? Maybe, maybe not. That ball is in his court, but what’s done is done. You can’t do anything about that – if he does forgive you, great. But if he doesn’t, you have to make peace with the fact what’s done is done and the consequences of it played out.
The bigger question at this point is: Can you forgive yourself?
You learned from it. You grew from it.
But sometimes the most difficult step (and overlooked step) is making peace with it within yourself. It happened and you can’t change it. Can you let it go, seeing as how you’ve already done everything a person can do (acknowledge that it was a mistake and decide never to do it again).
It sounds to me like that’s what’s left for you. It sounds like it’s time for you to forgive yourself and make peace with it.
That’s just something you need to decide to do within yourself. It’s the only thing that makes sense now, but can you do it?
I think you can and I hope you do. I know you’ll be better in the future if you’re faced with something like this, so there’s no reason it should weigh you down any further from here.
Hope it helps,
eric charlesMary
Adding that by not forgiving yourself, you cannot have both feet in the present. Don’t be crying over someone who acted single.
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