Happy Birthday?


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  • #939343 Reply
    Stacey

    Hi everyone,

    A guy I have been seeing last night told me out of the blue he needed some space. I am of course upset but equally i do understand as he has some external stresses. I have been following this page long enough to know what it means but my question to you all is, it is his birthday on Friday, i have presents and a day planned.
    I have said and believe i should honour his ask for wanting space but do i acknowledge his birthday at all?
    Thank you.

    #939348 Reply
    Raven

    Why on Earth would you wish this guy Happy Birthday?

    He wants space, give him space.

    Return the presents, get your money back & spend it on You.

    #939351 Reply
    AngieBaby

    How long have you been seeing each other?

    The most you should do is a quick text “happy birthday, hope you’re having great day” but you should cancel the plans and return the gift or do something else with it. This is probably a break-up. Back way off and let him come to you. Sorry, sucks to hear that.

    #939352 Reply
    Stacey

    Thanks both – two different options there.

    I agree it is probably a break up and i am happy to give him space i guess i feel stupid for planning things, spending money and to not acknowledge it with him at all.
    He knows i have plans/presents so i guess i do let him come to me.

    #939353 Reply
    AngieBaby

    He knew that and he asked for space? Yeah, it’s a break-up. Leave him alone entirely. That’s a lame way to treat someone who was being thoughtful of you – I wouldn’t want him back.

    I had a guy I had only been seeing for a month offer to take me to dinner for my birthday. He canceled that day at lunch time with a weak excuse, so I figured he was history and made other plans. Two months later he contacted me and acted like nothing happened!! So, most likely he met someone else and it didn’t work out. I just blocked him. It’s amazing what some men will do. I hope you won’t take him back or if you do you make him work for it.

    #939354 Reply
    Stacey

    You’re right, it is horrible isn’t it. I hadn’t thought about it that way – to foggy at the moment I guess.

    #939369 Reply
    Ewa

    i have a feeling he met someone else, that is why he wanted a ‘break’ to see if it works out with another woman, it happened to me before.
    forget about his bday , not worth it

    #939374 Reply
    Liz Lemon

    You say you’ve “been seeing” this guy- so he’s not your boyfriend. How long have you been dating?

    If you’re not official, it may have freaked him out if you made a big deal over his birthday. It’s very girlfriend-ish to do that. If you’re not his girlfriend, it might have made him uncomfortable- he clearly doesn’t feel as serious about you as you do about him. The birthday thing would have made him realize that, which is why he’d push you away.

    I agree with the advice given that you should do nothing for his birthday. I wouldn’t even text him. Return the gifts and get your money back. I’d consider this a breakup as well. No guy who was serious about pursuing a relationship with a woman would do this.

    #939375 Reply
    Tammy

    Dont wish him.. and return the gifts. Move on

    #939381 Reply
    Stacey

    We have been seeing each other for the last 16 months. We are both recently divorced with children so I didn’t want it to be as formal I guess but yes, he was my boyfriend.
    Anyway he has now blocked me so the only way of contacting him would be by phone and I’m not sure I should do that as much as I want to.
    Stupid I know but I guess I feel I can’t let it pass by saying nothing.

    #939382 Reply
    Maddie

    He blocked you?? No, that means you absolutely don’t contact him!! Return the gifts, and get as much of your money back as possible. If this was all out of the blue, then he’s a TERRIBLE communicator and not treating you with respect. This sounds like a ridiculous way to go about ending things after 16 months.

    I have an ex who broke up with me right before his birthday also. The timing was because he wanted to go to a debaucherous party, and he wanted to enjoy his birthday to the fullest, which he didn’t feel he could do with me there because I don’t binge drink (and let’s be real, he probably wanted to be single there). Bigger picture, the relationship wasn’t working for him overall but I didn’t know that because he hated conflict and pretended everything was great for several months until the breakup. The party finally made me feel like enough of an inconvenience to him for him to take action and tell me it was over. Plus he didn’t want to feel “guilty” that I’d gotten him thoughtful gifts while he knew he silently wanted to end things.

    Anyone acting this way beyond their early 20s isn’t able to be a good partner in a mature relationship… like Liz said, a guy who is serious wouldn’t do this.

    #939383 Reply
    AngieBaby

    Guy just said I need some space out of the clear blue and then blocked you after 16 months of dating? Whether you were exclusive or not that is a very immature way of breaking off with someone. I’d write everything down you want to say and then burn it. You know if you call he won’t pick up and what makes you think he hasn’t blocked you on the phone?? Even if you called and left a message or sent a text I guarantee he won’t listen to it or read it. This is someone without a conscience where you are concerned. You have dodged a HUGE bullet. Let him go, don’t look back. Good riddance.

    #939385 Reply
    mama

    So I see all these crappy things people are saying about this guy but my main question is this:

    Why do you think it’s okay to ignore another person’s boundaries?

    He asked you to give him space then he blocked you. He does not want a happy birthday gesture from you, leave him alone. How many times have you really contacted him after his request? The only thing in your control right now is your own behavior. Let him go.

    #939390 Reply
    Liz Lemon

    You’ve been together 16 months and he’s done this? Wow.

    He’s made it clear that he wants no contact & has blocked you. Don’t try to reach out to him. You can most definitely “let his birthday pass and say nothing”. He doesnt want to hear from you. Unfortunately you need to consider this relationship over.

    #939393 Reply
    Stacey

    Thank you, I know I can’t believe he has done this but I think I know why, I told him I wanted more, he said he did too but I guess he has changed his mind which is upsetting.
    I haven’t contacted him at all, I just assumed that I could ring him and leave a message but I’m not going to, he has hurt me so I shouldn’t be reaching out to him.
    If I’m honest, it’s a bit odd and out of character for him to behave this way but I guess if you freak a guy out, which I must have done, this is what happens.

    #939394 Reply
    Ewa

    he blocked you because he found someone else, I know it is hard to believe but unfortunately it is most likely what has happened.
    the exact same story happened to me, guy wanted a break saying he is not doing well in life, needs to sort his life out etc and then 2 weeks after he changed his photo on whatsapp and there he was with another girl, so as stupid as I was, thinking we are still on break I messaged him asking about her and then he blocked me.

    #939395 Reply
    Tammy

    I haven’t contacted him at all, I just assumed that I could ring him and leave a message but I’m not going to, he has hurt me so I shouldn’t be reaching out to him.
    If I’m honest, it’s a bit odd and out of character for him to behave this way but I guess if you freak a guy out, which I must have done, this is what happens.

    I think your still not understanding what happened. Or what posters are telling you. Its not about you not reaching out because he hurt you!! Its about you not reaching you because he told you he wants space and to ensure that he went further and blocked you!
    This is about you not reaching out because the man has asked you not to and drawn a boundary line. This is about you not reaching out because you want to respect his wishes. This is about you not reaching out because you have enough self respect to stay away when a man makes it clear he doesnt want to be in touch with you.

    Hope you understand!

    Also instead of blaming yourself and thinking you freaked him out, which is why he broke off n blocked you, you need to stop making excuses for him and blaming yourself. Thing is you voiced what you wanted from him or relatnship. But he didnt. So he broke off and blocked you so that this chapter is closed..

    Respect his wishes and the boundary laid down by him. But more than that respect yourslf enough to walk away from men who dont want you in their lives anymore.

    #939400 Reply
    Stacey

    Thank you, i do understand I am just finding it hard to navigate.

    I absolutely won’t reach out to him and respect his wishes.

    #939404 Reply
    tammy

    well these things are never easy. but you have to see whats in front of you. the guy doesn’t want to be with you anymore. so much so he blocked you! that’s your cue to say f***k it and try and put him behind you. you dont need him!

    #939405 Reply
    Raven

    Sorry @Stacey that this happened to you…

    I’m sure your mind is going miles a minute. That is normal.

    The thing is, this says so much about this guy & his character. He. Has. None.

    It’s not about you. It’s about a really small guy being really really small.

    #939406 Reply
    Liz Lemon

    Don’t blame yourself for freaking him out. It’s perfectly reasonable to want to want more after 16 months of dating. OK, so you two didn’t want the same things, but I think it’s massively disrespectful of him to simply cut you off and block you, rather than break up with you properly. Or at least say to you something like– after thinking about it, I don’t think we want the same things, could I take some time to think, could we take a break?

    I understand it’s a shock and hard to navigate when it seems so sudden. I hope you have friends and family you can lean on.

    #939407 Reply
    Liz Lemon

    To clarify my post above, he could have communicated better and explained why he wanted space or a break– and how long of a break– especially after 16 months. To just say he wants space with no explanation, and then block you, is harsh.

    #939413 Reply
    Maddie

    Yes, exactly to Liz, Tammy, Raven, etc. You can be both respectful of his boundaries and see the bigger picture, which is that you deserve better. It is disappointing but okay for him not to want the same things as you. But it is immature to tell you after 16 months that he wants a break without further explanation and then block you even though haven’t reached out! I still think he’s a bad communicator. Take some time to mourn the situation, and don’t put all the blame on yourself. It is good you spoke up for yourself about wanting more, and learned this about him even though it wasn’t what you hoped for. It hurts but is always better to find these things out sooner than later, so that you can choose not to waste time on someone who doesn’t want what you do.

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