This topic contains 29 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Anon 3 months, 2 weeks ago.
July 31, 2020 at 7:25 pm #798927
So I matched with a guy on a dating app (not Tinder btw) we had been chatting a week back and fourth. He asked me what I had planned on a night, I told him that I had plans and then he said “I’m gonna have to get you out soon”. So I replied with let’s make it happen and gave him my number. He didn’t ask for it but I figured since it’s been a week of back and fourth, and him saying that, why not connect off the dating app?
I have yet to hear from him though, and now I’m thinking of I made a mistake. What are your thoughts, should I have let him ask?July 31, 2020 at 7:27 pm #798929
Also it’s only been a day lolJuly 31, 2020 at 7:43 pm #798930
I think what you did is fine. You gave him your number so he can contact you. Him not responding can mean he is full of hot air. Or he is busy and will respond laterJuly 31, 2020 at 8:46 pm #798939
He’s like a Zeppelin- Full of hot air…July 31, 2020 at 9:21 pm #798945
At this point you do nothing. You don’t sit by your phone waiting for him to call, and you don’t keep *chatting* with him if he doesn’t secure a time to meet the next time he does. He’s had ample time to meet you by now and if he’s all talk and no action then you drop Mr. Popcorn of your radar and only MEET guys who want to meet you.
Remember, he’s a complete stranger that you’ve only chit chatted with a little bit and that’s it. There has been zero investment on his part as texting is cheap and lazy to do, taking time and spending some $ is not. If he plans something in a few days, tops, keep your expectations super low and *be Switzerland* (neutral) by treating him like any stranger you just met and might not ever see or talk to again. That’s your cue to delete his number from your phone if he only calls and doesn’t set up a day/time to meet.
If you do meet just be yourself . At the end of the date be polite and thank him—that’s it, all YOU as a woman need to do! The ball is in his court to decide if he wants to see you again or not. If he doesn’t, its OK, not every guy’s going to be interested in developing anything with you no differently than you aren’t interested in developing anything with some guy’s you met too—keep dating in perspective.
Don’t keep chatting with men. Keep the first meet simple (cup of coffee or drink) under an hour, two max, so to leave some mystery and intrigue. Do not over talk or tell him too much about yourself via text, leave it for the dates(s) should he want to see you again. Do not allow him to be Mr. Popcorn who is a man that ‘pops in’ and keeps a women *e-tethered* (look it up) while he’s e-tethering and/or dating others too (aka “playing the field) which is FINE if that’s what he wants to do! Don’t ever be Ms. Crumb as only birds eat crumbs. Be Ms. Confident, as this woman knows she’s worthy of meeting a great guy who not only respects her but treats her really well—those are the only guys you want to spend your time getting to know better NOT Mr. Popcorn, Mr. Flake, Mr. E-tether, Mr. Hot Air, Mr. Not Interested, etc. Good luck :o)July 31, 2020 at 10:25 pm #798951
Thank you Lane for your feedback! You should totally write a book! I will take your advice. Now about meeting people during the pandemic? By now most places are opened where we are, (granted still wearing a mask) do you think now would be a good time to start meeting people?July 31, 2020 at 10:38 pm #798957
Nice, you put yourself out there.
Go get em’ tiger!July 31, 2020 at 11:37 pm #798965
Absolutely! Never put all your eggs in one basket because if one drops[out] you have to keep starting over from scratch. You are *free agent* which is a single lady who should be out and about talking to and meeting different guys as they are everywhere! They are getting their oil changed, shopping, grabbing a bite to eat, at a festival where striking up a conversation could score you a date if it goes well. Really try to stay out of the sheets (bedroom). Don’t do home dates if your super keen on him but don’t know where he stands yet as you don’t want to be men’s booty call. Best to keep it public and sex-free for at least two to three months based on how’s he treating you, as men fall in love doing non-sexual stuff so make him earn your private bits only when he’s proven to be a really good guy and BF :o)August 6, 2020 at 1:13 pm #800224
Hi me again LOL… so he finally ended up texting me. Now I’m noticing our texting is nothing but generic how are you/Good Morning etc. He takes hours to reply (sometimes a day later) he hasn’t brought up setting a day up for us to meet, although he did suggest I come to his house the first day he text me (jokingly I think ?) I of course declined but said it in a way that I am interested in getting to know him just not at his home. He hasn’t asked me anything about me, and I get some ppl aren’t texters which I hate texting sometimes too. Why did he even text me to begin with if he’s not interested?
What do you guys think. Should I stop communicating with him?August 6, 2020 at 1:20 pm #800230
It seems like he’s what Lane mentioned e-tethering you. Look that up, he’s probably seeing a few women and suggesting a home date suggests sex.August 6, 2020 at 3:08 pm #800270
Home date guys are lazy and not looking for anything serious IMO. He’s prob just bored sometimes and texts you when there is nothing else going on for him.
I’d stop talking to him, he seems like a time waster.August 6, 2020 at 3:16 pm #800275
A guy doesn’t get your number until he earns it by asking you out properly. “I’ve got to get you out soon” is vague, bread-crumbing BS, that’s not a request for a date.
He asked you to come over right away – that wasn’t a joke. He’s not interested in anything but hit and quit sex. Don’t fall for this lame bit again. Stop wasting your time with him. Ummatch and block and move on. Be more careful with your personal information.August 6, 2020 at 6:15 pm #800317
You are overthinking this. He texted you for a chat, it doesn’t mean he means anything malicious (and FFS, it is easier to explain what e-tethering is than constantly telling someone to “look it up”). He is getting to know you, you should be doing the same. It may or may not lead to anything but you can’t plan on sussing someone out as a potential husband three texts in.
So what he has not replied in several hours. We are all grown-ups (presumably), some of us with responsible jobs, family commitments and even with desire to disconnect from devices to watch a film or go for a drink with a friend (shocker, I know). If I am at work, I ain’t gonna be replying to text messages even if they come from the Queen of England let alone someone I’ve just met online. I won’t even be checking my phone.
Also, if you want to sleep with the guy on the first date, please feel free to do it. IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. It doesn’t matter if it is a first date or 101st date. What matters is a) do you want to? and b) do you understand the consequences? Do you want a serious relationship? Then you may want to hang around until there is a genuine connection and some form of investment on his part as well as yours. If you want to date for fun and you understand that you may never see him or hear from him again or you may end up in a casual relationship and you are happy with this set-up – go for it. Sex is a good thing. Casual sex is a good thing. You just need to make sure you understand where you are with it. Waiting for three months with a perfect guy and then finding out he has a micro-penis and you can never live with it (true story) is more heartbreaking than having amazing sex with someone you never hear from again (also true story). Somewhere in there is middle ground. Allow yourself to find it.August 6, 2020 at 6:35 pm #800323
Ana – are you new here? Because on this site telling someone to go ahead and F*** on the first date is unhelpful advice. Women here are typically posting because they are making a lot of mistakes in dating and not understanding how men work. If the owners of this site had a nickel for every post about ” we really connected, I slept with him on the first date and I haven’t heard from him… what did I do wrong, what’s wrong with me, how do I get him to ask me out again, etc” they’d be billionaires by now. It’s like telling kindergartners it’s OK to drive a car. Sex before you know a man and his intent is generally a bad deal for women. Casual sex is only a good thing IF YOU CAN HANDLE IT. Let’s face it, most women can’t. We aren’t biologically wired too. That oxytocin thing that bonds us to our babies wreaks havoc in our relationships with men. Most women aren’t here because they’re dating for fun, they’re dating to meet the right man for something long term. The ones who are dating for fun and casual sex are out doing it, not posting here.August 6, 2020 at 6:50 pm #800331
I’m not sure why you would want to get together with anyone during this pandemic (giving out your number). In general, I feel t is best to stay on the dating site until you meet in person (at a public venue). Yes, I do think he may aee you as desperate to be honest.August 6, 2020 at 6:51 pm #800332
*seeAugust 6, 2020 at 7:07 pm #800339
I sm adding that the guy should be discarded (asked for couch date). It is clear reading your post that he texted you that the guy has no genuine interest.
Note: when you are confuswd about a guy, there is your answer.August 7, 2020 at 8:40 am #800501
K, I think I was quite clear in my post that having sex on the first date is OK given that the OP recognises the consequences and, by extension, their own limitations.
I am not new here and remember a blog article that talks exactly about that timeframe makes no difference whatsoever. It is all about context. Telling someone not to sleep with a guy for three months strikes me like being entirely out of the context and I think it is useful to remind someone that power is in their hands not in ours. Give the man a fish/teach the man to fish kinda thing… Maybe it’s my old age showing.
Ultimately, I gave an alternative opinion, it is up to the OP to make decision based on her situation.August 7, 2020 at 8:49 am #800505
He sends her generic “good morning” texts and doesn’t ask her anything about herself. Sometimes he takes a full day to reply to her texts (I’m sorry but busy or not, no guy who’s interested in a getting to know a woman would wait until the next day to reply to her text). The OP has made it clear she’d like to get to know him, but he hasn’t asked to meet (for a walk in the park, socially distanced coffee date, whatever). The only time he suggested getting together was when he invited her over to his place. I think it’s pretty clear this guy is a time waster.August 7, 2020 at 3:49 pm #800599
He’s giving you cues he’s too busy to reply to your text…the next day really? Ok, don’t make it a practice to give men your phone number…it’s better to agree to meet at a public place and NEVER ALONE !!!!August 7, 2020 at 4:24 pm #800607
Ana – no one on this post said anything about waiting 90 days to sleep with a guy. So not sure why you felt you needed to even raise the issue of when to sleep with someone when it’s not even being discussed. This post is about giving your number and how to deal when he’s not asking you out as he originally hinted he would and sending generic texts on a daily basis.
If you’ve been around here before then you know well how many women who post here can’t handle sex on the first few dates. Obviously it’s up to someone to decide, but if someone is posting here with a question they have a problem they can’t solve on their own and they didn’t know better than what they did. Just saying.August 7, 2020 at 5:22 pm #800623
K, Lane literally said it in her second message in this thread or I would not have brought it up. I offered my take, it is entirely up to the OP to make decision. Nothing wrong with an alternative opinion.August 7, 2020 at 5:29 pm #800629
As to the rest of the question, I appreciate that many women who come here cannot handle sex on the first date or even talking to someone. I fist came here a few years back after being ghosted looking for answers and I read every article on the blog. And the take-away message is always “do not overthink”. What becomes problematic in the forum is that every slightest detail becomes a sign of something. The guy didn’t reply to the message within a few seconds? Well, he must me an A-hole! I am just saying that sometimes it is not the case. Sometimes overthinking is exactly what kills it.
I am too lazy to go over the Eric’s and Sabrina’s blog posts to prove my point that many women on here are missing the point of this website. But what do I know, I am just a woman who managed to end up in a healthy relationship by taking on advice from the horse’s mouth.August 7, 2020 at 11:36 pm #800691
If you make a choice to do something but later find yourself regretting that decision it means you violated a personal boundary and pushed yourself past your own comfort zone.
If you’re not comfortable giving out your telephone number first then don’t give out your telephone number. Set the pace with what YOU”RE comfortable with.August 8, 2020 at 2:16 pm #800863
I never said anything about having sex with the guy lol or about not feeling comfortable giving him my number. Update: He texted me again, asked me my plans, I asked him why do you ask? He has not responded, and this was yesterday. Was my response rude? I only said that because he’s asked me a few times before what I am doing, with no plans for us to meet. I’m taking it he is just not interested at this point. It seems he wants me to chase.