Feel so dumb

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  • #943062 Reply

    I have been with my bf for a year now and things are decent. I just feel like an option at this point when it comes to the child’s mother. He can’t even pick up my call when she is around. It’s pretty much like I am a big secret. I get to keep peace with the kid but I would think we are all from in late 30’s and it could be handled. When she FaceTimed him while I was there and his son was at his house his son tried to take the phone and talk to her but my bf grabbed it back. Now normally he would give his son his phone to talk to his mom. But when I was there he made sure I was not shown in the background. It’s just so awkward to have to basically hide. I had to hold my cough in so she wouldn’t hear. The mom is the complete opposite of me I’m quiet and real chill laid back. She is a little in the ratchet side and loud. I’m at the point where I don’t care if I’m hiden I just given up really. I feel like I am the absolute last option on his list. I already know the child comes before me of course but he puts so much before me it’s crazy.
    I do so much for this man. I’m always always there for him I include him in my family outings he has met everyone and continue to met more people. I’ve met his mom once and I’ve never seen her ever since I’ve never met a friend nor anyone else. I’ve tried to go places with him but he never initiates or plans anything he just waits for me to do it and when I do it’s an excuse on why he can’t. He has his kid, he doesn’t have money, this that blah blah blah. I never asked him to pay for anything I take care of it. I know I’m dumb but I give the man money for bills, I support him, make sure he eats and bring him food to work that I cooked. He knows I’m simple and I don’t require a lot but I can’t get anything. I can’t afford to help pay his bills and mine with the other people in my family I have on my back to help too PLUS pay for the small dates I ask for like arcades, game night, movies, picnic, mini golf things like that. All we do is be at his house and watch tv which is cool but that’s literally it that’s all we do. When he lost his job I was there to pay for it all. Within the last 3 months he has gotten 2k from me and I get nothing

    #943063 Reply

    Sorry @Shrae, Please stop supporting this guy!

    Why are you doing this?

    #943064 Reply

    OK, so you know you’re dumb for doing all of this. 1) Then why are you doing it?? 2) Why don’t you STOP??

    This isn’t him, this is a you problem, because you are choosing doormat duty of your own free will. There’s something about this situation that is comfortable and attractive to you. What is it? When you get to the bottom of that, you can disconnect from this man. Get into counseling ASAP.

    Interestingly, you don’t have a question, you’re just griping. And I’m pretty sure this has been posted before. If I’m right, you were already told what everyone is going to tell you again – end this now. Nothing anyone else can do for you or tell you until you decide to walk away and start valuing yourself.

    #943123 Reply

    Please remove yourself from this relationship immediately. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but no decent man is going to mooch money off his woman, while providing absolutely nothing in return. Sounds to me like you are doing all the things I used to do in relationships. Giving so much of myself in hopes it will make them love me. Like if I could just show them how great I am, and how giving, and how selfless and generous I am, how could they not love me right? And once he loves me, he’s all of a sudden going to change into this other person magically that is actually someone I want. I mean these guys were just mediocre, nothing special about them, and yet I laid all my hopes and dreams on guys that were really nothing special, and I handed them all my power. My love for myself, depended on whether or not they loved me. It took years to break this cycle. Red flag # 1-He won’t introduce you to his family or the Mother of his children after a year together. Red flag # 2-He allows you to support him financially (he’s using you for money) Red flag # 3-He does not want to be seen in public with you (never wants to leave the house with you) Red flag # 4-he puts no effort into caring for you, supporting you, loving you or looking out for your well being. And I’m positive you have more information not shared here that would add more red flags. I learned the hard way, more than once not to ignore flags like these. You deserve way better. Cut him loose, so you can be available for someone who actually gives a damn about you.

    #943126 Reply
    Kandy Kane

    Great words, Melanie! For anyone who has put herself in this situation, please take note of what Melanie has said. Thank you for your straightforward message.

    #943128 Reply

    APPLAUSE for everything you said Melanie and thanks for sharing your story. That must have been a painful learning curve, but you did learn.

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