Falling for married co-worker

If it helps I’ve had crushes on married coworkers too. But there’s something about getting romantic attention from people who are taken… it doesnt hold value or appeal. This realization has largely nipped things in the bud for me. Plus I’ve had so much respect at 3/4 of my jobs that I could never jeopardize it with a fling.

I remember one stronger wrong-crush at work where I was terribly conflicted and sometimes even sweaty in her presence. I was on the verge of straight up confessing that I had a crush on her in a desperate attempt to get rid of the feeling. I felt powerless and it sucks. So I can empathize with you. Luckily, besides two disguised work conversations, I never acted on anything and things changed/faded with time. So that might be the case for you too? I personally didnt beat myself up for daydreaming about her though.
It was annoying sure but a colorful distraction. Ironically the nervous energy from the crush translated to more productivity at work. I’d even dress nicer. I even told two colleagues and it became a secret running gag. Of course in my case our paths occasionally crossed and I wasn’t working as close as you two. But mystery is the fuel of my crushes

As for what you should do, I know some girls have used social distancing as an excuse to reinforce personal space with someone. Or bringing up their wives/gfs in conversation. Sidestepping or ignoring sexual topics at work, or lightheartedly calling someone naughty and adding that wasn’t work appropriate topic and they aren’t answering it. I can’t say if these tactics will work but I do feel you need to set some boundaries instead of everything being (I assume) up in the air. You can’t control your feelings but you can control interactions.

I understand it’s tough times and meeting people is harder than ever. But that doesn’t mean your standards should lower. You seem rather lovely with a good head on your shoulders, and deserve genuine attention and love from someone who’s single. So stand up for yourself a bit more :-)

He just wants to use you for sex, nothing else.

MM will flatter you, make you feel special and then you start feeling all tingly inside. That’s how they superficially create chemistry with a woman.

This man is a predator and sees you as an easy prey. Shut him down immediately by having a talk. Tell him you don’t play around with MM and that he should keep his distance.

This is how humans operate as mother nature in her infinite wisdom decided to induce humans with a bunch of hormone’s that although can’t be stopped, they can be controlled if you put in the effort, like Anderson did, to do so.

Crushes are a natural part of being human too, as is the desire to be desired, so I’m not looking to bash either side because it often happens in places where humans are in close contact with each other.

I’ve had numerous secret crushes over my lifetime but I never acted on them, especially in the workplace because I know personally how horribly it can go, so I made a pace with myself in my early 20’s to never ever go there! I admit, I’ve had some playful fun with co-workers, even married ones where there was some light teasing but that’s ALL it was and if it started to go to far I shut it down pronto and kept it professional from there which is what you need to do.

You are in control of your emotions and need to use your *willpower* mother nature also provided you with as that’s what you use to change your thought patterns. I suggest having a picture of his wife and kids on hand, in a place that’s only visible to you. The moment you start to have a fantasy of him pull it out and look at them as that will become your focal point, not him. Pretty soon their picture will be burned into your memory and those thoughts will begin to subside.

Also need to set boundaries by no longer engaging with him in that manner. Just excuse yourself or remind him that you need to keep it professional from hereon as it could really hurt your careers and its not worth it. Another reason to end the crush is knowing how much you could lose professionally and financially by continue to engage in this. Keep it real.

Don’t engage further with this man. The whole reason MM start “friendships” with single/married coworkers is to see if an affair will develop. First the small talk, teasing, flirting to test if you have loose boundaries.

There are blogs galore online of women trying to break loose from the the obsession with being involved with MM. Some have been stuck for years.

Remain professional and cordial, but distant with this man. Have a talk if necessary. Go to HR if he persists on hitting on you. Please don’t interpret this as real interest in you as a person.

His motive here is FUN. You might say “sure I can handle it”. The fact you have spent energy on this site posting about it means – you are getting emotionally attached to this guy. Sure crushes are fun & they make us feel good. Don’t let it go any further please.