This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Tammy 4 months ago.
May 28, 2023 at 7:39 pm #941578
So at my current office job that ive been at for 7 months ive been talking to this one girl, she started being around me alot, staring at me alot, and she would walk by me alot, touching me on the shoulder and things like that, so one day i asked how she was and she just sat by me and we started talking for awhile, she would keep going outside on her break where i was and sit close until i would tell her to come sit by me again and we would talk. Im not sure why but i started to get real nervous around her even more because i started to get feelings i guess, everytime i talk to her i just mumble and ask dumb questions now. Because of my anxiety plus shes a shy girl so its hard to read how shes feeling at the moment, so a couple weeks later i ask for her number and she looks at me and says “why do you want my number”? and out of nervousness i say “so we can hang out sometime” and she gave it to me and said bye and walked off. Then a couple days later i see her and she says “can i talk to you?” “i said is it about the number?” she says “yes, i gave you my number out of anxiety and i dont really know you that well” so i said “ok i understand, do you have a boyfriend?” and she smiles and says “no, is that why you asked?” and i said “yeah” we laughed and then went to our desks. After that i felt like i got rejected so i started avoiding her at work because my anxiety and i was overthinking everything like maybe im being too needy or desperate. And now she acts different, she dont look at me as much as she used to, she dont come by me anymore or smile that much anymore. If i wave at her and say hi she will respond but thats about it. Last time i tried having a convo with her she just seemed uninterested in talking to me any more. What can i do to bounce back from this? was i acting too needy or was me not talking to her as much after that made it seem like i didnt like her anymore? im not sure what to do but having to see her everyday hurts and i wish i could see if she still likes me or not.May 28, 2023 at 8:56 pm #941579
The problem here is if the ambiguity and your anxiety is causing you this much discomfort having to see her at work before you’ve ever even gone on a date together, then it would be intolerable if you went out for a little while but eventually broke up.
Trying to make dating relationships work in your workplace is really tricky. You both need to be very direct and good communicators to make sure you’re on the same page and nothing will get messy and impact your jobs and paychecks, but without being so forward that someone could feel harassed because they’re not on the same page. Also, some offices have rules against employees dating. So even if she did want to get to know you better but got confused when you didn’t follow up, it doesn’t mean she wasn’t also conflicted about you two being coworkers who see each other all the time (and she might assume you are conflicted about that, too). She also may have been being polite and wasn’t that interested, which is why she gave you the courtesy of telling you she gave you her number out of anxiety, but still wants things to be cordial since you’re coworkers. Or she may have realized she feels weird mixing dating and work too and changed her mind after thinking about it so she’s backed off to keep things professional. In most of those scenarios, she’s indicating she’s not interested enough in taking that leap to be more than coworkers at this time.
I once dated someone for a short time who I also worked with, and I regretted it. It didn’t work out at all, and then I had a very stressful 3 months afterwards with having to see him most days, until I started getting over it. When you’re at work, you don’t want to deal with emotional distress like that every day.
Will there be a time in the future that you may not be working together anymore? If so, talk about it again then. If not, it may be better for you to try to get over her now and date other people who aren’t in your office, if you can feel okay about doing that.May 29, 2023 at 12:57 pm #941586
You asked for the number and then what did you do? Did you text her? Call her? Asked her out?
She’s probably feeling weirded out that she gave her number and you’re not doing anything more. She said she doesn’t know you that well, okay then all the more reason to ask her out and get to know one another and have deeper conversations.
What Maddie pointed out about dating coworkers is very true. Something to think about. And if you really like this girl, take the lead and invite her out. Get her opinion on things.May 29, 2023 at 7:29 pm #941593
I think i did mess up i mean i got her number on a friday and i still hadnt texted her on tuesday in which that day is when she told me that she gave me her number out of anxiety. I should’ve just texted her during the weekend im so dumb for not thinking right. She probably did feel weird because now when i walk by her at work she looks down i mean she still says hi when i do but i feel like she lost interest. Even before she would smile at me alot but not anymore idk why. I need to talk to her more too but i get real nervous around her, should i try asking her to hang out on our lunch break? And just get to know her more?May 29, 2023 at 7:36 pm #941594
I always knew and heard that its not a good idea to date co workers but i couldnt help it, she showed interest in me first and i developed feelings for her and now im hurting bad over it. I can see why you said it will cause distress cuz now im dealing with having to see other guys hitting on her when deep down i had a chance with her if i just acted right. Ive become depressed over her and it is hard to be happy at work now, I have real bad anxiety too so when i try talking to her my voice sounds super low and shaky. She can probably tell how nervous i am and gets turned off or creeped out. I wish theres a way i could turn it around and just make it be like how it was when she was showing interest in the beginning, you know?May 30, 2023 at 12:41 am #941597
So call her already!May 30, 2023 at 4:03 am #941601
no risk anymore, so text or call her after work and ask her out , you can clear the air and if she is still not interested/off with you then you will have your answer.May 30, 2023 at 4:36 am #941604
If someone takes my number and doesnt call, i wld wonder why not. She made all those attempts to get close and when you tuk her number, u didnt even call? Why didn’t u? Call her and suggst an after work drnk or coffee. And see her response. If she dsnt show much interest thn frget it. And yes i wld suggest to stay away frm dating women at ur wrkplace for sure.