This topic contains 1 reply, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Sandybean 1 month, 1 week ago.
July 3, 2020 at 6:25 pm #795310
Sorry for the long story….
I was dating this guy for 8 months before covid hit. Everything was going great. He made me feel special and we were both very happy in the relationship. Right when covid hit he offered to let me stay with him (as I was moving out of my old place and looking for a new spot) He made it clear he didnt want to live together and had never lived with a girlfriend before.
I went home for a few weeks to visit my family because I was furloughed. Anyways this is always a terrible idea for me because my family is incredibly toxic. I ended up cutting the trip short and going to stay with him at his familys ranch for a few weeks. Things were good but i was starting to suffer from depression, due to family things, being unemployed etc. After we left his family and went back to his place I tried to work on it but it was getting harder for me to handle on my own. This resulted in us fighting fairly often over little things.
After a few months of this he basically coulnt handle it anymore and broke things off due to my negativity (understandable) He said he just wanted me to be happy and to work on myself but he also needed space. At the time he said that he still loved me and cared about me and wasnt going to discount the possibility of us getting back together. But for right now it was over.
So after I went home and cried for a few days I decided he was right and I really needed to focus on myself. I got a flight to California to stay with a friend and work on creating a company ( being productive really helped) Overall its been really good for me and i have been working hard at finding true happiness.
He called me the day that got here and we talked for a few hours on the phone. He said that he still loves me and cares for me alot but was confused about what he wanted as far as the relationship and that he was hurting as well. He said he wanted to stay in contact but would leave the ball in my court.
So i decided to give him space.
About a week later he saw a picture on my instagram of a male friend holding a dog. He texted me imidiately asking me if i was already seeing or hanging out with other dudes. I was slightly offended that he would think that seeing as i made it very clear that i didnt want anyone else but him and im here to work on myself and do what i can to make our relationship work. So i called him and I assured him i wasnt talking to anyone and we continued to chat about how we were doing. He texted me later on and shared some of the writing he was working on .
After that we didnt talk for a few weeks, but i was thinking about him a lot so i made him a belt and sent it off with a note saying id like to see you when i get back to TX. I didnt hear anything from him so i texted him a few days later to see if he recieved it.
He told me he had gone home to work on the ranch and take some time for himself. but he would be back in town and get the package. then his plan was to return home for the foreseeable future.
He texted me this morning saying that he got it and he loves it and thank you. I responded with something like thats great im glad you like it and i hope your doing well.
Ive tried to call him a few times over the last week but he has not answered.
Im just really confused about what is going on here. We have stayed in touch and cordial with each other but i also feel like there are a lot of mixed signals.
He was literally the best guy and we were so happy together until covid hit and it all just became too much.
Do we even have a chance at fixing things?July 4, 2020 at 3:08 am #795336
Hi Melissa, I don’t know if there is a chance to work this out. But I am also unsure if that would even be a good idea for you. You said you started to struggle with depression after COVID hit and that he broke it off because he couldn’t handle that. I understand that it is incredibly taxing to be with someone who is depressed, and I don’t fault people for leaving a relationship that is just too harsh on them. However, it seems like you’ve already spent a couple of months at home and in California so the depressed period could not have been all that long. Perhaps a few weeks? To me, that is not a long time and I’m concerned that he gave up on you so quickly when things got tough and you weren’t happy everyday. I have family members struggling with depression and it’s sooooo hard, and I absolutely understand the need to have to distance to recharge. But to break it off completely is a strong response.
There is nothing wrong with his response because people have their own threshold to deal with things,but I worry that he might not be a great partner for you because he is unable or unwilling to be there when you suffer. And with depression, there is a chance you will have periods that can be hard again (I hope not but I know it’s very common).
I would urge you to consider if he is truly someone you can rely on in times of need. Because that is what you will need regardless of depression or not. I am sorry I have such a pessimistic view. I wish you all the best and hope you’ll recover well!