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T from NY.
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Elle
Hi everyone,
I’ve been seeing someone for about a month, and things have been going pretty well. He’s thoughtful, very generous, and warm. That being said, I’ve found him quite tricky to get to know and our conversations are pretty surface level. He’s very busy with work (as am I) and he makes sure to text me at least a couple times a day despite that, but it’s usually something like “I hope you have a great day!” or something along those lines. When we are in person, we talk about our day and things are going on in our lives, but I don’t find it very easy to delve any deeper. Usually in this time frame I feel I would know more about someone. Should I be asking better questions, or is this okay? I feel like I don’t really know more about him now than I did on our second or third date. Is this okay?
T from NY
This is one of those watch and wait situations. Although I will point out your gut is telling you something (we don’t know what – just information right now). It’s possible he takes longer to warm and let you in and over time you’ll feel closer by degree, it’s possible this is WHO HE IS because he likes it best that way (not letting people in), it could be he is completely different and he is putting forth what he thinks will be pleasing to you and others.
I dated a guy this summer I was incredibly attracted to. Not just his body but his mind and mannerisms and our interests seemed similar. But about 6 weeks in I -noted- things always seemed a little rote with him. Not offering, not sharing. All was always well. He talked to me for sure, but it was always surface. Waited on me hand and foot, but something just was missing emotionally. I continued to date him for over 3 months. We were exclusive. He felt everything was fine. I felt like I had no idea who he really was (or for that matter did he even know?) My intuition is pretty frickin spectacular. And I can usually hone in on people’s characters and attributes fairly quickly. But I slept with and dated and spoke to this man for just over 3 months and I had no idea who he really was, I could not make out his character. I felt that strongly – so I broke it off. He’s still a riddle to me. I miss him occasionally, but I know I did the right thing.
If you like him and he treats you well. why not continue? Your gut will tell you down the line if he is right for you.
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