Did he start to ghost me?

Covid can easily have a long recovery time.

But you’ve never met and this isn’t going anywhere while he says he doesn’t want a relationship. You have been overinvesting for what it is. Where are you hoping this goes? 11 months is a long time for more of the same, why would you think something would change on his end when he likes this on his terms and hasn’t moved to progress things in any way? Is this setup really what you’re looking for?

I don’t know if he’s ghosting you or not, but either way you should be keeping your options open instead of cutting yourself off to others who may be more emotionally and geographically available than him, as well as focusing on doing your own things that make you happy. 8-10 hours a day is enormous for a pen pal situation with someone you haven’t even met, and even for an established relationship. Believe him when he says he’s not looking for a relationship, don’t lead yourself on.

I agree with everything Maddie said. Also, please keep in mind that people contradict themselves all the time– I’m sure he doesn’t want to end it because he enjoys the constant attention. But that doesn’t mean he wants to take it any further, or make it real. I think you’re really overinvested in this, as Maddie said, unless you want nothing but a pen pal for life. If you want something real, this isn’t your guy. 11 months is an enormous amount of time to spend texting without meeting. Have you even had phone calls or video calls?

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It really sucks. Unfortunately you can’t underestimate people, in my experience. Especially in virtual friendships that aren’t based in in-person interaction. He may have started chatting with someone else, you just don’t know.

The problem with these kinds of interactions (virtual/texting, not in person) is that you don’t really know the person- not really. People present the best side of themselves, or even a false/ideal sense of themselves. It’s very easy to curate an image of yourself when you’re only texting someone. You’re not even having real-time interactions, like during a video conversation– which is at least something more honest and spontaneous. Texting is very controlled. And it’s the least intimate way to communicate.

So sadly you don’t really know this guy. He may be totally capable of dropping a friend after 11 months of daily texts.

Anyway the fact that this guy can’t seem to move beyond texting is a sign he’s most likely not really emotionally available. So it’s probably best for you to cut off contact and seek out local/in-person interactions.

Sinead,

Sadly you have invested in a penpal. I would block him because he is not and was not ever interested in you as a potential girlfriend becausehe is not in that place in life. Begin reading the articles to understand “actions” of men who are interested in you as a potential girlfriend.

Also, as someone in a long distance relationship for 2 years, would limit distance to one hour apart.

I hope this helps.