Closure with ex


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This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Erin 5 days, 19 hours ago.

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  • #866085 Reply

    Trinity

    I was in a relationship with my ex for last 8 years , we initially started of very well but then for 1 year he started doubting me and started asking questions who i met , asking for my passwords and controlling my life as we were in long distance relationship. We used to meet once a years for holidays and once he was doubting me become very abusive verbally and physically but i forgave him thinking its 1 time. We later moved in together as we found new jobs in a same city. We wouldn’t talk to each other for days, he would leave me infront of my friends and go because someone made a joke. We did not travel at all. Everytime i tried to move away he would bring topic of marriage as he knew i was desperate to get married . But never proposed or introduced to his family and friends. I started becoming his obsession , he would get jealous if i meet my other friends , pick on me for everything i do and stared his abusive behaviour again. He would work late drinking alcohol and would physically hurt me ,i was always triggered by his abusive language and would curse his family for raising him up like that and in turn he would get more voilent. Over the time, there was no love and i wanted to just get out of the house but due to reasons i wasn’t able to ans we broke up severaltimes. Recently i met someone who is kind , caring and respectful, even though my intention was to see him , we connected so well that before i knew we were seeing each other so often and were in exclusive relationship. Now that my Ex knows i started dating and is moving into new flat of my own.he asked me for forgiveness and tells me he cannot live without me ans he understands what he did wrong. I am very confused on one hand i might have something beautiful with this guy i am seeing in future at the same time also it may not work too. On the other hand my ex boyfriend who i habe so much of sympathy and my heart hurts to see him like that but he might have changed , we would get married and may have stable future or he may not have changed at all. I am already 34 and i just want a stable relation where my heart is not broken and i do not want to invest time just to start over again. Any suggestions for this complicated situation??

    #866086 Reply

    Ewa

    Forget about your ex ! He is not worthy of your time and attention. He is sad because he lost an amazing woman . That’s on him not you ! Keep moving forward!

    #866112 Reply

    Zoe

    You will need to start over

    #866120 Reply

    Raven

    Your ex is a manipulative psycho… He & his behavior has not changed.

    #866136 Reply

    AngieBaby

    Please, for love of all things holy, cut all contact with your ex and don’t look back. You have a good guy now and there’s nothing your ex would love better than to mess it up. He hasn’t changed. And get Into counseling so you ensure you can handle a healthy, loving relationship and don’t slide back into another abusive situation again. The way you’re talking indicates you’re not entirely over that relationship and you need to work on developing positive relationship skills.

    #866138 Reply

    AngieBaby

    There’s nothing confusing or complicated about this. Your ex has a long history of being abusive. It takes a lot of hard work in therapy to get over addictions like alcohol and being abusive in any form. He hasn’t done it. Don’t romanticize him or go on “well, he has potential” or “we could be good together if only…”

    You are talking like an abused partner who has lost perspective and self esteem to the point you don’t believe you deserve any better and this is all you can expect from a man. Untrue. Choose YOU.

    #866151 Reply

    Erin

    He is not sorry, he has not changed. He had 8 too many years to get his sh*t together, he didn’t.

    Abusive people don’t change unless they take active steps like going to therapy and addressing their issues head on, even then, it takes a while before they stop reverting to old habits. You’re not his mama or therapist so forget him.

    Block all communication with him because you deserve some peace and happiness in your life.

    Light and love!

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