Classic story but still in need of advice


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This topic contains 11 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Tallspicy 1 week, 2 days ago.

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  • #826427 Reply

    Jane

    Hello all,

    Classic story: we meet on dating app, meet in person after 2-3 weeks of chat, had coffee and quick kiss good night.
    Before we meet he would text me every day with quick morning or night or something between but nothing substantial.
    Now I rarely hear from him except he asked to exchange phone numbers so he called me and we talked for few hours.
    After that he asked for my photo (just regular pic nothing naughty) and he sent me his.
    This week he is going through some personal loss and I didn’t heard from him. He did apologized for not being in touch in that phone call.
    I know I should give him space and I’m not contacting him but not sure should I send him quick text to hear how he is doing or leave up to him.

    At this point I’m still not sure if he like me enough to continue seeing me.
    We are both in early 50 so done with mind games.

    Thank you in advance and you all stay safe and healthy.

    #826470 Reply

    Tallspicy

    Honey, who cares? I say this because you care too much about a total stranger. A few weeks of talking is not knowing. No man is real until he is your boyfriend and he suggested it.

    If you can’t date without being invested in men you don’t know, don’t date. you know nothing about this man and his circumstances. Just let him lead. You respond are receptive and warm.

    He is not playing mind games, as you are not in a relationship and does not owe you anything. If he is being too aloof stop responding or tell him when he reaches out “thanks but we are not a fit”

    #826512 Reply

    Jane

    @Tallspicy – thank you for reply but I’m little bit confused. What did you mean by: “If you can’t date without being invested in men you don’t know, don’t date”?

    I read so much about giving space and considering that one of his friend passed away (personal loss that I mentioned) I figured he need space. Hence me waiting to hear from him.

    I know we are still far away from b/f & g/f if that even going to happened but I don’t know how to proceed in those first days of getting to know someone. Dating scene changed so much since I dated last time. Plus add his personal situation and virus and you don’t very happy combination to work with.

    #826519 Reply

    Newbie

    The concept of giving space is not meant after one date. Its for couples. After one date you do nothing. If he gets back to ypu in a reasonable timeframe you respond. If its weeks and a ‘hi’ i would ignore it. If he is not asking you out again within two weeks i would say its a no (and thats extra time assuming no one wants to date when you lost someone you love).
    Your expectations after one coffee and some weeks of texting are wat over the top, i agree with tall on that. You have to date for a few months to even consider a guy as a bf

    #826520 Reply

    Newbie

    Also the 50 plus guys consist if a very large pool of non wanting to commit (again) types, plus need reassurance about still being attractive. So the biggest players are the single ones in that age frame. Sorry to say

    #826524 Reply

    Anon

    You’ve met once. You’ve texted a bunch I’m guessing which gives a false sense of a relationship progressing. Look at the times you meet in person to determine how it’s going. He didn’t ask you out this week- maybe because of his friend’s death or maybe because he’s not really interested. You give space to a guy once you’re in a relationship with a guy. Space is after you’ve been together for awhile- not your situation. You don’t call guys or initiate texting with guys you’re not in a relationship with. So keep meeting others and see what this guy does. His next move should be a date of some kind- or he’s not interested. Do not contact him.

    #826538 Reply

    Tallspicy

    You don’t do anything other than say yes if he shows up and asks. Period. You don’t call, text, send smoke signals… nothing but live your already (should be) full life. If he shows up, then he does, if he goes away, he goes away. I meant what I said, if you are invested after one date, you need to assess how you date. No man who is not your boyfriend should have any headspace at all. If you get attached quickly you have more self work to do.

    #826580 Reply

    Jane

    Got it. It does make more sense seeing all those replies. Thank you all!
    Dating sure did changed (to the worse) since I dated. And it is tiring.
    Some guys just want to sext, some just to have sex…gosh is that all that is left to dating? Does anyone actually want to date or whatever this is called today.
    I will leave him at the back burner and will keep in touch with other guys. Time will show.

    #826737 Reply

    Newbie

    If you want to date for serious prospects i would go for a paid dating site. If you want to date for some fun and maybe maybe find someone i would go with free dating apps

    #826739 Reply

    Lane

    You need to learn how not to eat “flowery words” and pay closer attention to their actions! Does he say what he’s going to do and then does what he say’s at least 98% of the time? If not, then he’s not a good or reliable man. It boils down to how often does a man want to SPEND with you? If its not much then he’s most likely *e-tethering* you (look it up) as well as multiple other ladies because texting is cheap, lazy and easy to do—INVESTING one’s TIME and $$$ into someone is not.

    Bottom line, stop texting so much with men. Do you want to date a man or your phone? Look up the words “mystery” and “intrigue.” Those two words needs to be incorporated into your dating life if you don’t want to keep attracting these kind of men. Today, stop giving your time and info. away to men for free over—those ladies are a dime a dozen and not the one’s you should be competing with because that’s what you are doing. If a man is putting in little effort, time and $$ to really get to know you, in person, then you drop them before they bounce on you—problem solved.

    #826802 Reply

    Jane

    I thought that I will never fall and end up dating my phone instead of man but I do have to admit that partially I’m ok with it because it is convenient especially now that we are so limited with going anywhere.
    With all that scare, I almost prefer to meet behind a safety of the phone.
    But back to the guy from beginning of this post. I’m still confused about the change in his behavior but I guess that is probably his version of ghosting.

    #826805 Reply

    Tallspicy

    It is not ghosting. His behavior has not changed because you don’t know his behavior when you have only one date.

    He is not in a relationship with you and you have been on one date. He doesn’t owe you anything. What he is doing is called dating. If you were not so invested, you would not care.

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