Caught in the middle..


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This topic contains 30 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  LaFrance 6 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #782622 Reply

    LaFrance

    Hi all!🖐..About 2 months ago I ran into a friend of my cousins whom I’ve known for about 6 years we’ll call him Tim..We’ve always been cordial & very cool so when he asked for my number I gave it to him & didnt think anything of it..The same night at the same location(a bar) this other guy whom we’ll call Dee expressed some interest in me but I wasnt interested in getting to know him because I’m 33 & he’s 23 so when he gave me his number I accidentally called.His iPhone caught me eventhough his phone didnt ring..Tim & I started communicating on a daily basis for almost 2 weeks strong,I looked to him as a friend only eventhough we flirted a little..I couldnt see long term because he was childish & didnt speak well for a 31 year old man in my opinion..Dee called exactly a week after the bar situation..0n the norm I wouldnt have answered but this time I did..We actually had a nice unexpected conversation,he was gentle & knew how to hold a decent conversation without getting out of line..We began to talk quite often & I started to become interested in him & I thought he felt the same way that was until he pulled away!..I didnt panic I just let him be,but i started to do some research & learned that he & Tim were from the same town!..Which led me to be almost certain that they knew each other & possibly very well..Dee got to the point where he wanted to play games. The things he’d say led me to believe he wanted me to chase him & i let him know that if that’s what he’s thinking then that crap would never happen..For example we’d talk consistently for days at a time then I wouldnt hear from him for days then when he’d call he’d question me as to why he hadnt heard from me & each time I’d tell him because you never called back until now then he’d say things like well you could call to check on me & I’m just like 0k & u should keep your word & call bk..At this point I wasnt hearing from Tim,it had been about 3weeks & i was fine with it but he started back calling & acting weird like trying to find out where I live,begging to spend time,questioning me about other men & so forth.He even came to my moms house to introduce himself to her..I didnt want to be rude but I knew I had to put him in his place & I thought I did so by telling him that we were only friends & that I was communicating & had interest in someone else..He said he respected my decision..Dee & I had a serious talk a few days after we both agreed that we’d do better & he said that he was willing to do whatever to show me that he was for me..His words didnt mean much I wanted action so I took it with a grain of salt..Things did go well for a few days until I had a tire blowout last Saturday..I called Dee,he was in Texas visiting his mom..I asked him would he buy me a tire & without hesitation he said yes..We stayed on the phone until my tire got changed & he told me to call him when I made it home..About an hour after getting situated I did so..We were laughing,talking,just having a good talk but all of a sudden his usual upbeat demeanor changed & that’s when he told me that one of his friend guys said he knows me..Instanly I thought of Tim so I was prepared to give him the whole story but when I asked who he say Cam I didnt know a Cam so I was puzzled..He put me on speaker & the guy begin saying that I sound like the same woman who talks to his friend..When I asked who was the friend he began beating around the Bush & said his friend was from an area that I wasnt familiar with,however,in the mist of all of this Tim was blowing me up like never before..I could tell that the situation upset Dee so I shut this Cam guy down by telling him do not bring that negative energy to us,we like one another so leave us be..Cam apologized but I didnt want to hear it..Dee told me he’d call me back so we hung up..He never called back,so when I got up on Sunday I sent him a text asking if he was going to still send the money,no reply..0n Tuesday i called Tim to confront him,he denied knowing Cam & Dee..It upset me because i had come to the realization of whom Cam was..Cam & Tim are roomates & sure enough Dee lived right across the street from Tim in the town they’re both from!..I said some pretty rude things to Tim he hung up & I said more rude thing via text..I was upset because Tim & I had nothing serious going on we never kissed,had sex,nor hung out,hell I hadnt saw him since that night at the bar..I thought Tim & I were friends,i didnt think he’d try to make me out to be a bad person by slandering my name..All we did was speak over the phone..Dee & I never had sex but we have hangout,kissed,& hug..I’m confused because Idk if these guys plotted up against me,has Tim told some lies about me or what?..What do u all think?..I called Dee Friday,no answer..I texted him & told him that i care about his feelings & wasnt trying to bring drama to him nor play him..I even screenshot the msg between Tim & I..Still no response..I refuse to reach out again,I’m not going to force anything that isn’t there..This is some crazy bs someone shed some light on this for me..Thanks in advance..

    #782624 Reply

    Tallspicy

    Shed some light on this mess? You sound like a hot mess. You ask a guy to buy you a tire and send you money? Girl get your sh$t together and become a full fledged adult. I don’t know if they were conspiring or what, but it does not even matter.

    You have drama because you are drama. Period.

    You should be taking care of yourself like it goshdarn adult. No one should be sending you money you should be making your own money. If you wonder why you have a lot of drama it sounds like you make all that drama. Please for everybody’s sake grow up. I’m sorry this is really harsh but I cannot believe what I just read.

    #782627 Reply

    LaFrance

    Tallspicy,talk about drama allow me to bring some to you since the only thing you picked up on is the fact that I asked a man whom I converse with not you for money for a tire..First & foremost the reason why alot of woman possibly like yourself wine up getting used(taking care of men & only as sex objects) is because that’s all you feel that your worth..Never not once did I say that I was depending on this man 2 buy me a tire but I simply asked he didnt respond so i purchased my own..Trust me my dear a man will never hold back from asking for your vagina so why hold back from asking for what you need as a woman..Am I wrong when I say that’s were men are for to protect & provide right?..So who the hell are you to question my situation as a negative?..Stay on task..

    #782630 Reply

    Lane

    Seriously this all sounds so High School to me. I have no idea why a grown woman of 31 would ask a 23 year old to buy her a tire? Really, this is beyond the pale regardless if this Cam fella, which appears to be another wrench [pun intended] thrown into the circus ring you seem to want to be the center and conductor of.

    I would cut them all off and avoid engaging in unnecessary drama with boys.

    #782632 Reply

    Tallspicy

    My dear, I’m gonna be honest with you. It’s gross to ask someone who’s not your boyfriend for anything. It’s actually pretty gross to ask your boyfriend for money as well. If it’s the only thing I picked up on it’s because my guess is that these things are linked. If you really believe that men you use you for your vagina, then that’s what you’re going to get. I think a little self reflection might actually help you and help you avoid situations like this. Lane is right if these guys are acting like fools then just don’t interact with them. Period.

    Men who are you are in a relationship with are there to provide and protect. And providing does not always mean monetarily. Maybe when you are married, but even then a woman of value would never risk that she could not support herself in case something happens. You are a very warped view of relationships and what female value is. And it sounds like it’s not working out for you, that’s the only reason why I mention it. If you hold yourself in value men of value will do the same, without having to ask for payment. Healthy men want partners. They don’t want people who can’t support themselves emotionally or monetarily.

    Go back to your story, when these men stoped showing up or played games why did you keep talking to them? That means you don’t know your value. Healthy women only deal with men who show up for real. And by show up for real, I mean want the same things and whose actions and words match. It sounds like neither one of these men fell under that category. So why did you let them engage with you? That’s on you. Healthy women would’ve dropped both of these dudes a long time ago.

    And by the way you didn’t even ask an actual question. You gave a gigantic monologue that sounded like a ridiculous story. I’m really sorry to be so blunt. But if you think you’re going to come on this forum and we’re going to indulge you in acting like a child who needs to be taken care of like a baby, you’ve come to the wrong place. This is a place where women hell that hold themselves in value, which means we don’t chase men, we don’t indulge men who act like children, and we don’t ask men for money and we provide for ourselves.

    #782633 Reply

    Tallspicy

    Given the fact that you believe your vagina is where your value is my guess is you lead with sex, or sexual innuendo. I bet you actually have a lot more to offer. Start leading with those things and see how the stories go.

    #782656 Reply

    LaFrance

    Lane,Thanks for your response & I agree it does seem like high school mess,but this is what happened,& it is what it is..Honestly,I asked him to send the money to buy a tire just to see if he would,he didn’t that’s fine with me.Monday I purchased my own tire..It’s already over & done with for these guys..Thanks love..

    #782659 Reply

    LaFrance

    Tallspicy,I agree with alot of things you said but love you’re speaking to me as well as speaking on me like you know me as an individual is the problem that I have..If I told you my story of life..You being as judgemental as you’ve come across probably wouldnt believe the kind of job I have nor the things that I own on my own!..I’m new on here & from some of the forums I’ve read some of you all come across as people whom are wounded yourselves..Its never what you say it’s how you say it..If this were your profession making over a hundred bucks an hour would you have the same tone with a client?..You would not!..People dont come on here to be called names it has nothing to do with being babied up I mean who would want a mother like that anyway?..To me your tone is gross & unlady like due to some of the things you’ve said..You’re still asking why did I engage in conversation when either of these guys when i specified that when Tim started acting weird I stopped talking to him & that Dee and i both agreed to do better as far as communication goes..So you’ve taken things how you’ve wanted & so have i..I guess us ladies and gents whom have questions or real life situations going on should just email Eric personally to avoid being talked down to or being talked to like we’re depending on &/or bothering you guys..Overall thanks for your response..

    #782662 Reply

    Tallspicy

    La France, I understand I was being harsh with you. I have to be honest, when you started mentioning that you were asking for money it really set me off. And why would a 30 year old woman engage with a 23 year old man? In addition it sounded like these two guys are really just kind of pathetic, and the fact that you’re posting on the site to ask why it’s happening leads me to believe that there are some very wounded parts of you and might need a wake up call. My purpose was to tell you that healthy people don’t engage in any of that malarkey. The don’t believe their value is what they extract with sex. I suppose I could’ve said it more kindly but the fact that it was all in there led me to believe that perhaps that the way that you lead your life is creating some of this not such great outcomes. Like I said you probably have more to offer, just use it. When men are acting flaky and sad, just stop talking to them and don’t care what they think or do.

    The reality is if you don’t like my tone you don’t have to take my advice. And if you think I am not lady like stop talking about your value being in your vagina. That is a word and implication you said, just as asking for money. I never end up in situations like you described. You don’t have to either. I don’t lead with sex and men want relationships with me. I never have to ask them to buy things nor would I expect them to, and I would feel really bad about even asking. I want relationship based on being copilots and teammates, not a sex organ to trade. I would never allow a man to treat me the way that you’re describing these men are treating you and if they did I wouldn’t post I would just move on and think that they were losers. When men don’t show up, I just move on and know that my value is mine, man or not. When I am in dating, I give men what I call is the 0 f rule. I do not invest until they show up for real and claim me. I choose men who have great jobs, and want what I want. That is all you can control.

    You have it in you as well to not be treated badly, nor to care. Let these boys go and shine somewhere else!

    #782680 Reply

    Dangerouse

    Sheesh… I quit reading when you stated you answered the phone knowing the guy is way too young for you.

    #782711 Reply

    LaFrance

    TallSpicy,N0W I can relate..Understand that i feel you when you speak on being harsh to make a person realize their worth..Still I say & stand on this it’s never what you say its how you say it.I am very firm & direct,however ,I hold respect in my approach..Before becoming ‘Federal’ I worked with children with behavioral health issues..These kids have been through the indescribable,I mean absolute worst..Though,I had never experienced that life I had a huge heart for them & I always recieved great feedback because I could get them to exude positivity when other coworkers could not..When I moved up to a higher position & had to evaluate kids & the workers I realized what the issue was..The kids were already coming from poor conditions only to be subjected to torment from social workers etc..We’re all human,no one response positively to aggression..Not even kids..So as a grown woman,no kids,& doing extremely well for a single woman I will not respond positively to disrespect..Everything you meant well by be written off because of how you come across..The field of work that I grew accustom to I knew how to handle a situation like this.Now you know you have somethings to work on yourself..I’ve been single for 2years now,I’m not sleeping with anyone & still living my best life.All I had was a small glitch imo..Some may respect my post some may not All & all I didnt loose anything though I’d never pretend to perfect or try to live up to anyone else’s standards..As a woman I encourage you,uplift you,& if a situation such as this ever comes your way PLEASE keep that same energy..Thanks..

    #782712 Reply

    Tallspicy

    I happy to hear this is a small glitch because it had a lot of drama between the weird dudes, being with young immature men, you asking for financial support and then stating that your value is in the sex you provide. That feels like more than a glitch.

    I am totally ok with me. But thanks for the feedback. Wish you best of luck in raising your standards and finding your value!

    One thing to consider as you mention energy, if you find yourself around a lot of negative energy, perhaps some self reflection on how you participate in that. I rarely find myself ever around negative energy because I do not allow it. If it happens more than once or twice a year, it is unusual.

    #782718 Reply

    LaFrance

    0k hunny continue to pretend for a new mode for free while I rest comfortably in my $4k bed..’The value in sex I provide’ has brought me far!..l0l..Nice posting with you..💋

    #782726 Reply

    Dangerouse

    You give the impression that you are major, big smart mouth, big drama mama. You have a big mouth.

    So nobody cares about your drama, because you don’t really care about a serious relationship. You love drama.

    You can be easily baited, as we have seen, so you have revealed yourself.

    #782728 Reply

    Sophia

    What the f…!!

    #782732 Reply

    LaFrance

    Dangerouse,Yasss hunny all that!..Call me what you want,I’ll be it & the best at it..I’d love to see what type of screwed up miserable lives some of you people are living..I hate to be rude but it shows..In layman terms,you’re a none factor..I would really hate if a person really going through something serious were to reach out to this forum for advice hell some of you would only add insult to injury..Typical women,but you’re so concerned on how a man treats me when you’re just as wrost with your ignorant commentary?..Girl goneee!..

    #782734 Reply

    LaFrance

    & how can I be easily baited if i dont care to have a serious relationship(your words)?..If i wanted a serious relationship how could you help?..Are you a license life/relationship coach?..Are you speaking from experience or just based off what you feel?..I’ll wait for your reply..

    #782736 Reply

    Dangerouse

    I meant easily baited to argue with posters on this site who took the time to read your massive posts. You have gone on and on. You have no real focus or values.

    It sounds like you just fumble through life and argue with everyone.

    #782751 Reply

    tammy

    what a waste of time

    #782766 Reply

    speaking from experience

    Lol projection city. Just be honest with yourself.

    You will be wasting your time e-mailing eric. (poor guy. god only knows how many attention seeking emails from desperate women he gets on the daily)

    you can probably find answers you’re looking for in some of the articles.

    My take on your whole post:
    If i were a guy, I’d be smart and bail too. Stop acting like these guys owe you attention or their hard earned money just because you have a vag and they have your number.

    #782767 Reply

    speaking from experience

    I’ve got a pretty screwed up life, others have it worse. it doesn’t mean i am miserable. The best of us find happiness in the misery.

    #782768 Reply

    Better off single

    There are a lot of shady b×ches out there these guys are probably looking out for each other or have been hurt so bad they’re having fun at your expense because somewhere in their screwed up mentality, they believe all women in your social class are the same. Look up gang stalking.

    #782769 Reply

    LaFrance

    Dangerouse idk if some of you are getting an award for this or what..However,you & whomever else taking the time out to read my post made an executive decision to do so..I did not force anyone!..If this post did not appeal to you then WHY READ OR COMMENT?..No favors were done!..Everything I’ve said has been scrutinized,but the whole point of me becoming argumentative has went unrecognized I see..Let’s just say you posted a similar post as I have on here & I comment telling you how you should live & calling you names just to give you a ‘wakeup call’!..Would you accept that or would you become defensive?..Afterall idk you as an individual & you dont know me..I dont pay any bills at your home & vice versa..So what makes you think that I’ll sit here & allow anyone of you to speak to me anyway you want?..If you can dish it be able to take it!..What was the point in your comment?.I can imagine some posters may have saw a certain part of my post & moved on to the next..I can respect that because I wouldnt waste my time on something that doesn’t appeal to me either..The point I want to make is if you have to act like someones wicked step mother to get your point across then maybe you’re the problem!..I’m a woman just like u therefore you have me f’ed up if you thought I was going to go for any of this bs!..

    #782771 Reply

    Jo

    If you post asking for people’s opinions what you are likely to get is…..people’s opinions.

    #782772 Reply

    Raven

    * shakes head *

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