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- This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 2 years ago by
Eric Charles.
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Caroline
I’ve known this guy for pretty much a year and a half now, and he’s had a girlfriend the entire time I’ve known him. I started liking him about a year ago, and ever since I realized I liked him I’ve been completely infatuated with him. We’re close friends and talk very often, but I always think that if I wasn’t interested in him we wouldn’t even be friends. Sometimes he really pisses me off, but I just can’t seem to get over him for some reason. I know people say you should find things you don’t like about someone to get over them, but I’m very aware of all of his flaws and they have yet to turn me off. What do I do? I feel bad cutting off communication because I see him everyday and he often calls me when he needs someone to talk to. I shouldn’t be punishing him just because I caught feelings.
Raven
He’s got a Girlfriend.
Jasmin
I think it’s best to distant yourself from him wether that means not texting him or looking up his social media. You should respect the fact that he has a girlfriend and you clearly have feelings for him. Imagine if your boyfriend was talking to another female everyday. I think you need to set some boundaries for yourself and most importantly respect their relationship. It seems like he may be using you as an emotional crutch. I know it’s difficult but personally that would be my biggest motivation to try to create some distance. You don’t want to be the side dish because you deserve so much more than that. You deserve to be someone’s priority.
Eric CharlesKeymasterIt doesn’t matter how much you like someone.
You could like him 1000x more than you do now and it wouldn’t get you any closer to him wanting a relationship with you.
So your wanting of him is your thing… it has nothing to do with him.
When you talk about thinking about stuff you don’t like about him to lose feelings for him… I mean, that hits like something you’d hear as a tip in a Psych2Go video on Youtube or something.
Truth is… none of what’s going on here has anything to do with this guy.
People here have pointed out that the guy has a girlfriend, but I’m not going to bother even speaking to that because, again, none of this has anything to do with the guy.
What you need here is introspection.
You think that this guy liking you will mean something good about you or make something possible for you.
What is it that you think it will “give you” or “make possible”?
Really take time with answering that, go deep. Write in a journal about it, reflect deeply on it.
And when you have those answers, great! You know what you want, you know what’s driving you emotionally.
And that brings you to the real answer here:
Pursue those things outside of anything to do with this guy.
You don’t have to think about this guy, you don’t have to “lose feelings” or “get over him” or any psychological bag of tactics.
What you need is to know what you actually want emotionally and then pursue that in your life outside of anything to do with this guy.
If there’s a healthy part of this relationship, that will remain.
But the aspects of this that are unhealthy (where you’re looking to him to fulfill emotions in you that really make no sense to look to him for), that stuff will automatically fall away when you have a life that’s actually fulfilling those emotions!
You are in charge of fulfilling your emotions, and this dynamic suggests you have emotions that you’re not fulfilling, going to a source that won’t fulfill them, then spiraling on the unrequited love as if that’s the problem you need to solve.
That’s not the problem.
Hope that helps.
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