This topic contains 9 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Remma 1 month, 3 weeks ago.
June 16, 2020 at 7:31 am #794127
Long story short- I dated a guy three years ago& he broke my heart – he’d majorly pursued me but then he left me while he was stressed about financial problems. Four months later he tried to get me back &spent 2years trying.
This March after no contact for eleven months I texted him. He was incredibly enthusiastic and we arranged to meet on the Saturday. On the Friday lockdown started. We have been texting three months – a little on/off as he does tend to vanish for a few days every so often. I was stressed from work , was worried that was seeping into our conversation so said I would take a few weeks no contact to get my head straight- the not knowing when we could meet was making it difficult.
The next day (Thursday) he texted, I reiterated that it wasn’t about him, but by then the social bubble scheme had been announced. We arranged to bubble and he would come on Sunday: his idea and he was mega enthusiastic. Saturday I message him, he replied with perfectly normal, friendly message. I replied. Literally 2mins later I’d been blocked across platforms. I’m so confused and hurt.
I know he is immature/cowardly etc. I know this behaviour shows how unworthy of me. I don’t need to hear more of this.
He lost his sister in December and is still suffering. We have both been badly hurt in the past and were looking forward to being together as we are both just nice people (he is so kind and lovely when emotionally well).
Although he tends to vanish he has never blocked me before. I just don’t get why, when he has tried to get back with me for years &we’ve waited for three months he cuts all ties and drives me away forever the day before we would finally be together. After he was so enthusiastic. I know it is his problem not me, but I’m so frustrated at how unfair it has been. If not for lockdown we would have met three months ago. I miss him deeply and I’m so sad never to talk to him again- we have this bizarre connection and I love just the random chats we would have. I’m trying to move on but hate that this is so final and without warning. It feels like something has been cut away from me.June 16, 2020 at 8:16 am #794128
I didn’t say no contact— I said hit pause for few weeks- next day I explained I meant back away from texting so muchJune 16, 2020 at 8:18 am #794129
This story sounds familiar…. you told him to go away while you sorted yourself out? Already posted on this I believe.
And sometimes life just is not fair and people treat you badly because they do.June 16, 2020 at 8:20 am #794130
My ex blocked me on match because I looked at his profile, I think maybe twice maximum after being broken up 9 months. I was upset until I remembered how we ended things and he is just a jerk. I did nothing wrong. Life is not fair and I won’t own his crap. You should do the same.June 16, 2020 at 8:58 am #794133
I think you dodged a major bullet. Its not your job to fix or be a man’s emotional nurse maid. I think you are both co-dependent, and I would seriously look into why you cling onto broken men? This is a you problem. He has shown you who his is, multiple times, yet you keep hanging onto him hoping he will miraculously change, then come up with all kind of lame excuses for his crappy behavior.
You need to spend time sorting yourself out first. You can’t have a healthy relationship with if you are emotionally unhealthy too. Until you work on, and fix the areas you need work on (co-dependency, self-esteem, boundaries, confidence, independence, etc.) you will continue to attract these unhealthy guys because you have some underlying desire to fix them.
Take a time out, and never ever speak to him again. He WILL pop back in again, come up with a lame excuse, you will buy it, and go through another cycle—wash, rinse, repeat. Time to break this dysfunctional cycle with him for good, as it would be a significant step towards an emotionally healthier you. He did you a major favor, and although I know you can’t see it now, hopefully with some inner work, and time, you’ll be thankful he let you go so you could find, and eventually be with, an emotionally healthy man. :o)June 16, 2020 at 9:17 am #794134
You said “If not for lockdown we would have met three months ago.” You’re looking at this the wrong way. If he’s capable of blocking you and cutting you off abruptly now, don’t you realize he would have done this (or something equally awful) whether or not there was a lockdown? You’re imagining that if you had just been able to meet as planned, everything would have been perfect. But he is who he is, lockdown or not. If he’s blocking you now, he would have blocked you or otherwise disrespected you anyway, lockdown or no lockdown.
The fact that he was incredibly enthusiastic and actively pursued you over texting means nothing. Some of the most toxic, abusive men I’ve dated were extremely enthused and pursued me for a long time after I dumped them. It doesn’t mean they were decent, emotionally healthy men who were worth my time.
You describe him as kind, nice and lovely. But he’s not. He dumped you before and now he’s cut you off and blocked you for no reason, the day before you were supposed to meet. Those are not the actions of a nice person. In your post you also say he can be immature and cowardly. I would focus on those aspects of his personality.
I would advise you reframe the way you’re thinking about this, and it will hurt a lot less.June 16, 2020 at 10:13 am #794136
I agree with everything Liz said!! This is not a kind and lovely man to string you along for months and block you the day before you are to finally meet!! He’s not a nice guy, he’s immature and cowardly you said it yourself! I think the big part you are missing here is YOU are one one who reached out to him after almost a YEAR of no contact. You go on about how he pursued you but obviously he hasn’t for the past year. You pursued him this time. And he wanted to meet but lockdown happened so you kept up texting for 3 months even though he was still hot and cold as you said, on/off and disappearing for days at a time. This caused you to pull back, ask for space, and a few weeks of no contact. Yet he texted you, you still tried to ask for space “it wasn’t about him” yet agreed when he wanted to meet. Then he blocks you and won’t meet. You are both giving each other mixed messages. He wants to meet, you want to meet, he starts taking space, you need space, then you agree to meet the next day….this all sounds like too much back and forth, wishy washy, drama if you ask me. I don’t think he would have met you 3 months ago. I think he would have kept pushing off the meeting, come up with excuses and final block you and cancel. Not sure how you are so certain it would have been any different then than it is now. And I’m sure he’ll come back with some excuse in a few weeks or months. He’s scared of being hurt, he’s having a hard time dealing with his sister’s death, he felt you were pulling away and weren’t serious about a reconciliation. And you will get back on the roller coaster and let him hurt you again. You know this man disappears on you. He has a history of doing it and you keep going back for more. I suggest you remember how bad this hurts and not let him back in. If all you can come up with is you love the random chats you have and you don’t say you love him or list any redeeming quality this man has which would make him a good long term partner, then you need to let go. Let go of this fantasy you have made up of having a relationship with a flawed, emotionally unhealthy man who you let continue to hurt you.June 16, 2020 at 11:00 am #794139
I have this saying… we do not have the right to wreak havoc on other people’s hearts. We have to get our heads on straight and our hearts in order the best we can before we can give our best to someone else.
Unfortunately, people don’t operate that way (like your guy), and we end up getting hurt by things that have absolutely nothing to do with us. It’s frustrating and sad. I know we can all empathize with your story and the pain you feel. Your eyes are wide open now, be grateful for that lesson.
I’m sorry that this happened to you. He left you with no closure. Sometimes it helps to allow yourself a certain amount of time to really dive into grieving the end of something, then make a list of things you can do to move on and feel renewed.June 17, 2020 at 9:13 pm #794239
I don’t think he would have met up 3 months ago if the pandemic hadn’t happened. I think he would have bailed just like he has now. You say he is nice, lovely and kind but these are not the actions of a lovely kind man. He unceremoniously dumped and blocked you! Nothing kind about that.
I don’t get your time line as you said he pursued you for two years but you also say after 11 months of nc you reached out?
Whatever his reasons his behaviour is gross and cruel. Do not engage with him when he pops back up – because he will pop back up and you need to be strong and look after you so when he pops up ignore him. Block him. Do not give this idiot the time of dayNovember 30, 2020 at 1:52 am #827896
Hey u never contact him for so long … u assume he is still single.
What he did to you is my personal experience . Iwas in a relationship with a guy but i still contact my ex.. he found out and he block my ex numbers. He even memorize my ex number. He told me that if i contact him again. We will break up . HE gives me like an ultimatum … me or ex.
I believe same thing happened to ur ex. He probably have a gf and she was the one who block ur number and not ur ex himself. Your ex probably contact u again to test the waters but he got busted with his gf
If ur ex never wants to see you. He would have keep the no contact.
THATS MY ASSumption why u got block suddenly. I would say move on and forget about ur ex. If it helps u can installdating apps to keep ur mind off him