At a crossroads with this guy.


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This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Sylvia 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #929637 Reply

    Cher

    Yesterday, I was reluctant to go to his place because lately, he always does something to make me upset.

    So I told him that if he did anything to upset me overnight, there would be trouble.
    But guess what guys…he did exactly that. I thought the night was going perfectly. I will mention just one thing that he did. After s*x, I felt kind of itchy, and then I saw the packet of the condom that he used….it was the one condom that I had told him before that I didn’t like using.
    I questioned him on why he would get the one type of condom that I hate…he told me that it was the only one that he could find. Yet, he hasn’t yet apologized for using a condom that makes me uncomfortable.
    First, I don’t know how accurate that is since I’ve never come across a store or pharmacy that sells just one type, the one that is bad for me.

    That action made me so mad that I got out of his place without talking to him. He tried to call me but I was so mad that I told him that I was done with him.

    Now, he has sent me a long text paragraph telling me how much he can’t imagine life without me, that I should not make him regret having existed, telling me how much he loves me and wants to be with me forever. Honestly, I’m shocked.

    Okay, we have started officially dating very recently, two weeks, so we haven’t said “I love you” to each other yet.
    I’ve not replied to him yet.

    He has asked me to return his jacket. I wonder if I should return it in the first place. I know he is going to try to convince me to get back together by telling me how much he loves me. I don’t want a man telling me he loves me barely a month of dating.

    Do you think I should meet him to return it?
    Do you think I should give him another chance?
    Thanks for your input.

    #929641 Reply

    Rose

    First thing: If you have certain allergies to a kind of condom, start making it your responsibility to carry your own kind to avoid situations like this.

    Second: Sounds like this guy keeps disappointing you and making you frustrated. Is there something you want from him that he hasn’t done or proven to you yet? Have you talked to him about what you’re looking for in a partner? Can he do these things?

    Thirdly: You’re coming across as very dominant, and loves the fact he keeps chasing you. But dating is a give and take process. If you don’t like him and how things are going just end it.

    #929644 Reply

    Maddie

    If you are constantly upset after only *two weeks* of dating, this isn’t the relationship for you. You push each others’ buttons, fight, you push, he gets scared of being left and pulls, this has TOXIC written all over it. The only way to cut it off is a clean break, and that’s what I’d recommend you do. If you stay in touch, you’ll stay in this cycle. Tell him you’re sorry but you don’t want to date him, and then go no contact.

    Also agree with Rose about the condoms. Keep some around that you are not allergic to if this comes up again with someone.

    #929645 Reply

    Cher

    @Rose: you are too judgemental. It was a casual 2 hour hang out at night. I had gone to say hi then go back. I had no idea that we would get intimate. And since I had told him about the allergies, I think it’s his responsibility to not use such a condom on me if at all he has to buy. I have no problem with carrying a condom. I didn’t ask him to buy one. I just have a problem with him doing the one thing I told him not to.
    Anyway, good luck.
    Second: it’s not about telling him what I’m looking for in a partner because I didn’t anticipate that for him to do something out of character or use the wrong condom (which I had told him). Besides, as I said, the previous night, I told him that I didn’t want him to do things to upset me. Isn’t that telling him?
    Third, where is the chasing surely?? The chasing was done before dating. Is me taking a distance from a guy who is love-bombing me wrong? If that’s wrong, then I happily accept the dominant label.

    #929646 Reply

    Cher

    @ Maddie: thank you. I hadn’t seen it as toxic since he’s such a nice guy and we always have a fun time when he isn’t doing something to upset me. I think it’s the no-contact that I’m lacking the courage to do but I guess it’s the right thing to do for me.

    However, on the condom topic. He asked me what condoms I usually prefer, and I told him to just avoid that one brand. Considering that there are so many brands to choose from, that allergic condom thing has never been an issue because it’s just one brand.
    I’m wondering why you are choosing to see what I didn’t do instead of addressing how he used the wrong condom on me. (Isn’t this like telling a rape victim to do xyz again instead of addressing what the rapist did?) Anyway, I know you meant well. I really appreciate your input.

    #929647 Reply

    Raven

    You not talking responsibility for your choice in condoms is no way akin to being a rape victim & really, how dare you?!

    Go troll somewhere else!

    #929649 Reply

    Maddie

    There was no victim blaming, and the comment had nothing to do with what already happened. In the future, if someone new simply didn’t know you were allergic to that condom, then you have one that works for you available and they will get a better one next time. Then you get to have fun without allergic reactions.

    #929650 Reply

    Cher

    @Raven
    If your savage comments miss in any post, then that post is lacking something. Keep it up.

    #929651 Reply

    Cher

    @ Maddie.
    He knew that I was allergic. He had asked me if I had any issues with any condom

    And yes, thanks, if it’s someone new, or not, I will make a point of having one with me.

    #929652 Reply

    Cher

    I didn’t expect this to turn into a condom issue but it has.
    I just wanted to know if I should continue seeing him, considering that he deliberately used a condom that I was allergic to. I just found it to be quite insensitive. I just wanted to know if it’s a forgivable mistake or a red flag. He has done and said a couple of insensitive things too. Other than that he is a really nice and fun guy.

    Anyway, thanks guys and I think I’ll stop there with commenting further.

    #929698 Reply

    tammy

    there is a possibility tht he may have forgotten abt the condom. and as other posters said, to avoid such mishaps in future, you can be in charge of using the kind of protection that suits you the best. your body your choice.

    and well the extent of your frustration and disappointments comes across as way too intense for such a new friendship. maybe your overreacting?

    #929709 Reply

    Padmini

    Hi, Cher,

    I completely agree with you that his usage of the brand of condom that you are allergic to is quite the major issue! He was extremely inappropriate to say the very least.

    I honestly do not foresee any healthy future for you both. As you rightly-say: he seems to always engage in behavior that upsets you. So he sounds very immature, inconsiderate, and disrespectful.

    He is probably just claiming to love you in order to manipulate you into getting whatever it is he wants from you.

    I feel that you should certainly stop dating him and so not ever meet him in person again. So you can let him have his jacket back; or he could end-up stalking you. However, it is best to return the jacket without meeting you in-person.

    I wish you the very best of luck in letting him go and finding a suitable-match!

    #929827 Reply

    Sylvia

    Good for you to bow out from this forum. Strong boundaries. Kudos for you for creating one of the only posts that suggests you’re in control and not in “does he like me”? I feel like this guy belongs to this forum though with long messages and explaining.
    Anyway I smiled when I wrote that OP told the guy “the previous night, I told him that I didn’t want him to do things to upset me”.
    That’s so bitchy.
    I feel like I should adopt 10% of that attitude. Like a queen to a servant.

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