Am i wrong for kicking him out?

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Daisy 1 week, 6 days ago.

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  • #819348 Reply


    this guy i used to date in 2011-2013, we always kept in touch and he hit me up when he was out here a few times but i was too busy to link up. he hit me up that he was in town and we should hang. a few days later he hits me up asking to chill etc and that he was thinking of staying in a hotel cause it was uncomfortable at his cousins so i told him if he needed a place to stay he can stay in my crib and use my car etc just fill with gas.

    we come to my place and go to the pool and just hanging out talking since i havent seen him since 2013. he is telling me all of his plans to move out here in november because he got a job offer. so then he asks if he can stay with me for like 2-3 months and we can do a contract etc

    i was like its fine you can stay with me i can use the extra $ and so for the rest of his vacay here he started staying with me cause he was leaving back to NY on tuesday which was 7 days away. and so for that whole week we were just hanging out, chilling, he would go out and come back etc and there was a lot of attraction there but we never acted on it.
    so on that friday at like 9pm he asked to borrow my car and said it would only be for 2 hours then showed up the next day at 10am. claims he went to a strip club with his friend which i saw he posted on snap and that he fell asleep drunk in my car. when he came i had all of his stuff packed and told him he needs to leave. he smelled like pure liquor, and we got into an argument, and he said some really nasty things to me. I was crying for like 2 hours. then he passed out on the floor and he was saying like well you didnt ask me to stay i would have never went out, i was waiting for you to say “no dont go out”. so after he passed out i ended up leaving cause i didnt want to be around him and i just wanted to leave the house. I came home like 4 hours later and he was awake. I was like why are you still here, you need to leave etc and he packed his stuff and said be was going to leave but not without clarifying everything so he said he blacked out and didnt remember anything. I was like well I remember clearly.

    so he told me that i should learn to express myself more because he wants to know wha the did wrong so i started crying because I was like i’ve been nothing but nice to you letting you stay here for you to say all that. so he started crying to and apologized then he grabbed me and kissed me and was saying how he didnt think he would catch feelings for me again and that he loves everything about me and has so much love for me and he would be the luckiest guy ever if i would give him a chance etc and that he always loved how independent I was etc
    he tried to have sex but I was like no cause if he have sex then we have to go all the way with this Im not having casual sex. he was like okay I respect that and said if we could have a date night that night and he went out and bought some food and drinks for us and when he came back he had flowers. so we had a good time and ended up passing out that night

    so the next day was Sunday and he went to an actual football game with his friends he left at like 10am and called me that night saying that he will be home soon and that he couldnt wait for me to be in his arms again and he was so happy that we were able to get passed the situation before and he is so happy im in his life again etc and that hes so happy we havent had sex cause he feels like it made us closer and that he was telling his friend about everything and his friend told him that I’m the one.

    so when he called me that was like 6pm and he disappeared and I  didnt hear from him again until the next day Monday at almost 9PM and swears he booked a hotel because im “special to him” and he didnt want me to see him drunk again. he says that he booked the hotel at 6am and i told him, there is no hotel that lets you check in before 11 am, im sure you were with some girl and its fine you’re single and can do w.e u want to but just dont lie about it

    so anyways. he was leaving the next day so i was like only one more day of this nonsense….so tuesday comes and his flight was at 11am and it was  9:30 and he was still sleeping so. woke him up and im like dude u gonna miss your flight and he was like oh i changed it to Saturday and i said where you going to stay and he was like what do you mean, i’m going to stay here. I was like why would you not even ask me first, and he said he didn’t think it was a big deal.

    So this same day, i got this job promotion in my job and i ended up taking a shot of tequila by myself because i was so excited and he was not in the house at this time. So when he came back, i told him that I did get the promotion and he was like that we should take a shot together. I told him I already took one, and he was like why would you take it without me and said he felt some type of way and that I was messed up.

    So then later on, he says that he is going to buy some drinks to watch the basketball game together. When he came back he says, “I’m going to go to the bar to watch the game with my friends”. I said oh okay that means you’re going to get black out drunk and not coming back and he said that he was going to come back etc.

    So i was going to my gym that night, and the bar he was going to was right next to my gym and he asked me for a ride and I told him no cause I didn’t want to rush. Later on that night he ends up texting me “hey so I’m just going to stay at my friends house because I feel uncomfortable in your house and unwelcome but I’ll come back in the morning. This really offended me because I’ve been nothing but nice and welcoming to him, everything i cooked, i shared with him, let him use my car, I was always nice the only thing I did was not take a shot with him and not give him a ride.

    So i responded back and told him, how can you say that when i’ve literally been nothing but nice and welcoming to you. How dare you try to make me feel like a bad person just so you didn’t have to come back to the house. And i also told him, If you really felt uncomfortable you would say, “hey I’m gonna just stay in a hotel for the rest of my trip etc, not come back the next day. Whats the point of coming back if you feel so “uncomfortable”

    So i told him that he needed to come back grab all of his stuff and leave because this was to much drama for me. Never heard from him again. The next morning, at around 9am I was looking outside the window and saw him coming out of a car. So I ran to my front door and put all of his stuff in front and locked my door. I looked through my peephole and he grabbed all of his stuff and left.

    2 days later he texts me saying that he ended up flying back that same night and thanks for everything.
    Then says that the weather back in NY was 40 degrees. I never responded.

    I’m still in shock that all of this happened, and the sad part is that i still like him and keep blaming myself for everything that happened. Should I have been more expressive and open like he said. Like how did we go from having a date night to him saying was making him feel uncomfortable. I honestly think he was with some girl out here because who disappears 3 times for 24 hours. Well Its been almost 2 weeks and I haven’t heard from him so i ended up texting him something random last night to see if that can start a convo about what gas he put in my car and he responded with the gas name and nothing else. He’s still moving here in 3 weeks so I’m not sure if he asks to still stay here if i should let him or if i’m just leading myself to disaster stressing about this so much.

    #819358 Reply


    I’m not condoning this idiots behaviour in any way but i image you telling him to leave twice when he has been blind drunk and stayed out all night is what he means by being uncomfortable.

    This whole situationship is a toxic mess and i have no idea why you would even consider letting him stay with you again. He is an immature a$$clown and if you continue any more communication with him you are asking for trouble and to be used by him as a convenient crash pad for when he doesn’t hook up.

    Cut all contact with him

    #819371 Reply


    Im honestly lost in why you did all the things you did. Why did you agree letting him sublet your house? It wasnt for extra cash. You must have been interested in him because you got upset he went to a stripclub. Then baslically when he shows you over and over he is an obnoxious alcoholic you keep arguing with him and engaging. Sure by now you must have seen he is an obnoxious drunk. So why you still like him? Its beyond me.
    When all this is over (and i skipped half of the story) you end this with thinking its your fault. Yeah it was your fault to be interested in an obnoxious drunk and clown but the rest is all him. If i were you though i would consider some professional help in defining what guys make good partners because you really strayed far from the pack.

    #819377 Reply


    Sounds like he’s immature, manipulative, uses people and possibly has an alcohol problem. You shouldn’t have bent over backwards accommodating this guy. I would cut off all contact with him, he sounds like a mess.

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