Am I wrong?

I am scared he might be suggesting that i pick up the tabs while dating him because he doesn’t want to “provide” lol. Or am I wrong in assuming that. I mean i anyway don’t want to go out with a man who feels women are mooching off men’s money and they shouldn’t expect him to provide.

Update: he just sent me another reel which said tag a person starting with the name “l” to treat you with noodles. Umm it’s cute but it has got me wondering lol.

If you have a date set, cancel it & throw this one back into the pond…

He told me he hasn’t dated around a lot. Has little experience.

And sees one woman at a time.

Raven- hahaha yes I cancelled the date. It was on Thursday after work. Now he’s back in the pond

Hi Love,

I think he just wanted to spark some conversation with you about date etiquette, expectations.. instead you asked us ! I agree it’s like a tango to know who should do what.

Just keep in mind :
– usually the one asking the person out is treating that person to a date
ie. even with my platonic friends, we take turns paying for the tab so there is just one bill and it’s easy because it rotates

-don’t go anywhere you cant pay for the full tab just in case things go sour

-yes, going out can get expensive. No one said you have to go for an expensive meal. There are other activities that you can spend time together and get to know each other.

– find something more in common to talk about

Maddie, my experience has been very different. Whenever I offer to split the bill, the guys always readily accepted that lol. It looks like nobody was trying to impress me lol.

And also, generally i end up paying more than what I ordered for. Because we would just half the bill. When he would have had 7 more drinks than me, 2-3 more dishes than me. And I am talking about an expensive date. I don’t want to sound cheap but if I ordered one drink and burger. I want to pay for just that. But how do you say that to your date without coming across as cheap?

The only dates where the guy has paid are those where i don’t offer to split it.

I don’t offer to split on first dates. I want to see how he handles it. But I also only accept coffee or cocktails with appetizers dates for the first date so it’s not expensive. I make sure my part doesn’t exceed $30. I’ve seen women here feel insulted because she offered to split on the first date and he accepted and my take on that is, well then, don’t offer if you’re really expecting him to pay.

Maddie has some good ideas about how not to get stuck subsidizing someone else’s meal, because that’s not fair either. I once had a first date with a guy who admitted he was unemployed and living with a friend (not at all what his profile said). We’d met at a very nice restaurant at his suggestion. (This was before my no dinner date rule.) He ordered an appetizer, entree, dessert and a couple of drinks. All I had was a burger and a Coke. The bill came and I pulled out money to cover my part. The look on his face was priceless. He thought I was going to offer to split or pay. Nope. If you’re unemployed and ordering that much, you’d better have money to pay for it. Not my problem.

I’ve had two instances where guys “forgot their wallets.” Met them both online. The first one shows up and we’re about to order and he says, oh, I forgot my wallet at home and I didn’t have time to leave work and go get it. I lost all respect for and interest in him right there. He could have borrowed money from someone at the office or rescheduled the date. That’s just rude, showing up unable to even pay for yourself and assuming the other person will cover you, especially on a first date. I felt like it was a test. I paid for one round of drinks and then politely removed myself from the situation. He contacted me the next day and asked me out again and I said no thanks, I don’t think we really connected. He asked if it was about him forgetting his wallet and I said, honestly that was part of it. (The other part was I didn’t find him attractive, not my type at all. Looked a lot different from the photos he posted.) He got very angry, called me a gold digger – so it was a test – and I had to block him to stop the abusive emails.

The second instance, I was meeting the guy for a gallery opening. We met in front and then started walking towards the door and then he said, oh I left my wallet in my desk at work. Another test. I said, oh, I’m sure you’ll want to go get that right away, shall I meet you inside? He looked really taken aback and said, yeah OK. Guess what – he never came back. I paid the big $12 to get in and enjoyed myself.

If a man invites you on a date, the most you should ever be responsible for is your own part, and I’m old fashioned but if he invites me out I do expect him to pay. Just as if I invite him out I expect to pay. Testing someone a man doesn’t know by making a lady subsidize their meal or claiming to have forgotten his wallet to see if the lady offesr to pay is lame and I’m not interested in a man who pulls that trick.

Sorry, I got off on a story telling binge.

Just an update: i had cancelled the date with this guy. But I gave the reason that I am just looking for friends and he is looking for more so we aren’t compatible. He admitted that yes he is looking for a serious relationship. And he said that he won’t bother me again as he felt very nice talking to me and he might just catch feelings. As in he said that he is not a crazy guy, he knows nobody falls in real love by talking over the phone a few times, texting and looking at someone’s Instagram, but he said he just felt a connection. I said it’s totally ok if he wants to protect his heart and stop talking, I am cool with that.

He didn’t text me for a few days. But then he texted me again. He said he’s okay being friends as his heart says I am a good person. I said okay fine let’s be friends.

Now he’s asked me for a coffee and movie. And i told him I have moved away from his city for sometime, no timeline, so won’t be able to meet. He said that I am not too far away, he can drive till there. I said okay.

But now umm my heart is melting a little. He’s kinda sweet and is respectful of my wishes and is putting efforts. I am umm feeling good that he is coming over. Not saying I am catching feeling gs or anything. Just feeling good to be treated this way, with respect.

This guy isn’t looking for ‘friendship.’

Don’t get into his private vehicle. He’s a stranger. Do not let him into your home, he’s a stranger.

Also- you don’t know that he’s “sweet”. If you want to meet him, that’s fine, please do so in a public place. But remember he is a stranger, you don’t know him. Don’t project qualities on him that you don’t know are true.

Listen to the posts to be careful and put your safety first! This guy started off by sending you a misogynist reel, now is sweet talking you to change your mind even though you’ve never met in person and are strangers and you already said you’re not romantically interested. Red flags waving about his low respect levels for women!!