Am I wasting my precious time?

It is a fact that if a man is truly interested – he will make a way to see you. This guy is tepid. If he really liked you he wouldn’t do this. OR even if he likes you, he’s not in the mindset for a REAL relationship. 3 weeks no contact without MASSIVE apologies and explanations or chagrin on his part would be a dealbreaker for me. You have to get quiet with you and figure out if this is enough for you.

Remember the mantra – when a guy focuses on HIM, get to focusing on YOU.

“Anyways, he was away all last week with his kids on vaca, and I was away all this week til Tuesday. While he was away, he texted every day, called multiple times to chat, all was good. When I was away, I had very little service, but I did text him daily / send pics and he always responded enthusiastically.”

Not three weeks no contact T.

Guy’s making an decent effort. Chill out a little and cut him a break about this weekend Queenie.

With this weekend of no physical date it’ll be 4 weeks, and I won’t be able to see him again for at least another week +. So I guess I’m disappointed. He knows my schedule, and I understand his. But he has an advantage that his children are teens and has left them alone for dates with me just for a cpl hours. So I just feel like he’s reduced his effort, and I don’t want to be the only person perusing…

I haven’t yet responded to his apologetic text, because I’m not sure what to say. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but also don’t want to give the wrong impression. I guess I’ll just let sleeping dogs lie and go on about my business and if he reaches out again soon, idk.
Thanks for your opinions and advice :)

You’re talking it will be 5 weeks total without seeing each other in person, right? (Since you’re not available next week). And his kids are teens, so in theory could be left alone so you could grab a meal together. So having his kids 100 percent of the time isn’t quite the barrier it seems to be.

I have to agree with T from NY. This guy seems tepid. It’s telling that you feel he’s reduced his effort– at this stage (2+ months) you should feel his effort increasing. He may not have the time or headspace to date. But I’d think if he’s dating someone 2+ months and he wants things to progress, he’d make effort to see the person he’s dating after 3+ weeks, even if it was just for a few hours (which he can feasibly do since his kids are teens).

Anyway, at this rate things will progress very slowly, if at all. It’s up to you if you want to give this guy more time. But I totally understand where you’re coming from & would be very frustrated with this situation.

I’m with Angie that he sounds busy rather than is blowing you off. I’d cut him some slack instead of assuming the most negative scenario here. But. If things are not progressing at a speed that works for you or you want a partner who has more time for you, this does seem to be his typical schedule and availability… so that’s a reason to back off and possibly call it quits if it’s not meeting your needs. In this case, I don’t think you need to call it quits proactively because you think he’s not that into you after overlapping travel, though. But you should ask yourself if he can give you what you want, and look elsewhere if the answer is no.

Lots of good perspectives and advice here.

if it were me I wouldn’t respond to that text, next move is his. I’d cut him a break over this weekend and also lean back. He should be stepping up next week if he’s really that interested.

But, you may not be looking for the same level of engagement and that’s what you may now be seeing. I know guys with kids who want companionship but not a full-blown serious relationship leading to living together or marriage.

Ultimately Queenie you have to go with your own gut instincts.

Excuse my typo – 3 weeks no PHYSICAL contact would be unacceptable to me this early on unless there were extenuating circumstances. Now I’m reading it will be more time than that if, and when, y’all hang out again. I disagree he seems more busy than blowing her off. Busy is a euphemism men use when they aren’t interested enough. And who cares he’s texting and calling every day UNLESS the woman wants a virtual relationship?

I don’t mean to be harsh. It’s just I am done, and encouraging all other women to be done, making excuses for men. If you listen to MALE dating coaches they are much more simple and direct. If a man likes – he.will.ask.you.out. To see him. In person.

And I am soft with men these days if they begin to act tepid. Because I trust in the universe the following things will always present themselves. 1 -People show you who they are. 2 -There is no scarcity of love in my life because I have enough for myself and 3 -What’s meant for me will not pass me by. I wish you the same peace.

Hi Queenie!
Hope you are doing well outside of this tepid guy. I agree wholeheartedly with T. I’d pull way back with this guy and see if he comes around. If he doesn’t it wasn’t that much of a loss.

From what I’m reading it seems like you’ve really only been on 4-6 dates and now have had a 4-5 week schedule/travel/busy conflict. One thing I did learn in my last relationship was that if a man is busy it is just a polite way of saying “too busy to make time for you.” Sometimes it takes hindsight to see it. Don’t make excuses for this guy.

Men are amazing at juggling time and things if they want to put in the effort to see you.

T.. I just read your recent response.. I see :)..

I agree with you all, and thank you for your viewpoints. While he may be “interested” he’s not interested enough to put forth any real effort besides texting / calling. I’m not interested in a virtual relationship. I want in person connection too. That’s why I started doubting his intentions/ interest when he just gave an excuse that his weekend was packed, etc.
Additionally, while I haven’t responded to his apology, he also hasn’t reached out at all since. So I’m thinking it’s time to just move on. It’s too bad, but like Angie said, maybe he’s just not in the right headspace to actually attempt progressing a relationship and just wants companionship virtually. This is counter to what we’ve discussed briefly, that him and I eventually are seeking a serious relationship (not us, just generally speaking), and his continued virtual contact. But I think the writings on the wall. And I don’t want to be hanging around waiting for him to ask me out again.
Thanks again all! I hope everyone has been well and has a wonderful weekend!

Queenie, that’s a well-thought out decision. If he said he’s interested in serious and acting like this, then after 8 weeks I agree it’s time to say sayonara and move on. Maybe he’s gone now if he hasn’t said a thing since that and you haven’t responded. If he does ever reach out again, just say it’s obvious you are in different headspaces where it comes to relationship and it was nice to have spent some time with him.

I know your story. You’ve been through a lot. It is very courageous to keep putting yourself out there. We are Team Queenie and rooting for you here.