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- This topic has 2 replies and was last updated 3 years, 8 months ago by
Alice.
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DummyMan
Hi. I married in 2018. It’s 2020 now. I have a son aged 14 months. I want advice on my sex life with my wife. I am not sure how to start this or how to best put up my situation in words. hmmmm….my marriage is now almost turned into sexless. I do want to have more and frequent sex – I plan to have daily but somehow I am not able to develop. I am not sure of the reason – I have thought of having erection issues. Then I have considered other….I have shown my desire of this but she doesn’t take serious and even laughs it off.
My wife never initiates romance or sex. During sex, she just lays there like a pillow. The best she does is scratches me on back and chest but this is infrequent. also, unfortunately, she has got fat after marriage and birth of baby.
I do get erection and can masturbate daily easily if I want but often with her I lose erection…I am not sure if it’s my problem or her behavior.
Any advice?
Ss
What was your sex life like before you married? Was she always so disinterested?
It sounds like you have lost attraction for her – you mention her weight. It also sounds like she doesn’t have an interest in sex. If you can’t talk to her and explain you need your sexual needs met then i don’t see how you can fix this aside from maybe trying marriage counselling?
Alice
At this point, the problem isn’t her, it’s you. It’s YOU because you have decided to conceal this information from her and come on a message forum to ask complete strangers for advice, instead of work on this challenge with your wife who you made vows with.
This is marriage and you’re still a newly wed in a lot of ways, so take this as your first lesson in marriage. It’s up to YOU to bring this matter to your wife and solve it together. Running to an anonymous message board isn’t the answer. If you feel you can’t talk to her about it then I suggest you get with a counselor and learn how to communicate so that you eventually can bring this to her.
As your wife, she has the right to know how you feel and work on the problem with you. You say you have shown desire and she laughs it off. That doesn’t sound like you sat her down and had a serious conversation with her. That sounds like it was just casual talk.
Talk to your wife! That is what you signed up for when you asked her to marry you and then married. You say you’re not sure if it’s her behavior? That’s really unfair. You haven’t even addressed the issue with her seriously. EVERY marriage has it’s ups and downs, this is a down for your marriage right now. Put your big boy pants on and talk to her about it.
Tell her you can’t live in a sexless marriage long term. Tell her sex is a need that must be filled. Explain that perhaps you could help with the baby more so she could have time to workout and feel better about herself in the bedroom. Have you ever thought maybe she isn’t comfortable in her body so sex is emotionally difficult for her? Also, have you done a fair amount of research on why sex stops after baby and how to fix it?
As her husband, it’s your responsibility to be open and honest with her. If she doesn’t take it seriously then say you want to go to counseling about it.
It’s time to grow up and be the man she married, that starts with going to her with your fears, struggles, doubts, etc so you can work as a team to solve issues. Good luck!
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