Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › 3 year and still waiting to see where he lives
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Anderson.
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Claudia
So Ive been seeing my boyfriend for almost 3 years (3 years in january). I have never been to his house. All i know is the town he lives in. He always comes to my house. He is around my son everytime. I only just went to his mums but when noone was home. Ive never met his family. He is a very private person as he says. He has a child from previous relationship hasnt been with childs mother for very long time. Hes now been saying he wants to have a baby with me but i have no idea where he lives. He says hes aunty is living with him and he doesnt want his aunt to meet me before his mum does. I know its his house because I met him when he just bought it. Now before we became serious and official i Obviously wasnt committed to no one so i was seeing other people keeping my options open after just coming out of a bad relationship. He found out i also was talking to other people, to be honest the only reason i still spoke to another guy was because i didnt think he was all that serious. Anyways when he found out he wanted to end it. But i told him i will stop seeing the other guy and we can make it official. Its been a over year now and we have moved pass it all. But i still dont know where he lives. Dont know his family. I just think what does this mean. Its so confusing. He answer is always take one day at a time. Apart from that his a really great person. We get on really well. Doesnt even give me a reason to question. What made me write on he is because i find that sometimes when he is home he doesnt answer my call and comes off the on phone quickly in mid convo…. AM I GOING MAD!?????
Claudia
Just to add apart from all that… ive been around a lot of his friends and his work colleagues and we are always out publicly together. Just doesnt make sense!!!
Raven
You’re his side chick…
How often do you see him?
Does he stay the night at yours?Andrea
Since you’ve met people in his life, that leads me to believe he’s not embarrassed by your looks and he’s likely not married. The only two things I can think of are he’s embarrassed by the living conditions in his house or his aunt has some kind of issue/personality that makes her unpleasant to be around.
Claudia
Depending on our work schedules we sometimes see each other quite abit sometimes not. At the weekend he is kinda ghost but im ammusing his with his child.
Doesnt stay over… but has asked previously to move in together. This just dont seem normal? As for the house he facetimes me so ive seen parts of the house and its definitely doesnt look unpleasant.Liz Lemon
This weekend he “kinda ghosted” you, but you assumed he’s with his child? After 3 years you don’t know his custody schedule, or when he has his child? And he’s never stayed over at yours or had you overnight at his place.
Have you met his child? After 3 years he should be doing things together with you and his child, ESPECIALLY if he claims he wants a baby with you.
Sorry to say it, but I suspect he has another relationship. Just because he brings you around his friends and coworkers it doesn’t mean you’re his only woman. I know of someone who’s a serial cheater, is married, and she has brought her boyfriends to work events. People at her work just don’t say anything, why would they. Her friends know she cheats so they don’t say anything when she brings guys who are not her husband around. She goes out publicly with guys and just avoids places where she might see her husband’s friends. (It’s really quite shocking how calculated she is about it, honestly). So just because this guy has brought you around coworkers/friends doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not involved with another woman.
Jo
I think he could be married. I’d been friends with a “couple” for about 5 years, dinners out and at each other’s houses with sleepovers after, theatre visits, weekends away, 2 week holidays abroad with them and my husband. Then I discovered she was married to someone else who didn’t know about the affair. Unbelievable but true.
Khadija
He sounds like a married man to me.
His friends may in fact know that are cool with keeping his secret.lovely
It seems like he’s telling you what you want to hear, thats why your so confused. For him to rush off the phone, be busy over the weekend. A lot of things sound fishy. Leave you phone in his car, get your girl friend and use her phone to track his phone so you can see where he lives. Knock on his door 9pm and see who answers. Leave him, but before you do make sure his wife knows about you.
Honeypie
You’ve never been to his house? You’ve never spent a night together? In three years? Is this a fake post? This can’t be true surely? Of this is your relationship- with all you’ve written, he HAS to be in a relationship with someone else
K
Sorry to say this, but what’s mad is staying in this situation for three long years. Seriously… there’s obviously something not right here but you keep putting up with it because you are afraid you’ll lose him, apparently. This is blind faith at its worst.
We can all throw out guesses as to what’s wrong here, but ultimately you’re going to have to decide if you’re going to continue like this or not – either you’re OK with the way it is or you will have to tell him you are not and if he doesn’t want to show you his home and introduce you to his family after all this time, you’re gone. I’m sure though you’re going to find out he’s with another woman or has another secret of some kind.
He’s not making any attempt to change the situation. I hope you aren’t seriously considering having a baby with this man as the father out of wedlock in a situation like this.
This not a normal, healthy relationship and if you don’t like it then it’s up to you to put a stop to it. It’s time to issue him some ultimatums and be prepared to walk if you have any regard for yourself. I wouldn’t normally recommend that but sheesh, this is off the charts ridiculous. Also, you have to think of the example this is setting for your child – pretty poor.
Anderson
I’m a private guy. But with girlfriends the secrecy gradually fades away. 3 years is absolutely nuts. And yet… I’ve known/witnessed worse.
Claudia have you never talked about your relationship with friends or family?
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