2 years on…


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This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Daffodil82 3 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #796238 Reply

    Daffodil82

    A couple of years ago my ex boyfriend broke up with me. On the day we broke up I saw him text someone a love heart and kiss emoji. I then saw these pictures he created with “his initial”
    Loves “someone else’s initials” and another one that said “I love you”. He saw that I saw the text he sent and made up some story about a joke with one of his friends. I didn’t think twice.

    Before this break up we were getting ready to move in together (his idea and he kept pushing it for a few months until I said yes). I had packed up about 1/4 of my house. He started acting distant and said that he was worried about work and I had nothing to worry about. Then he claimed his depression and anxiety had made a returned and we couldn’t move in together. A week later he broke up with me.

    I didn’t say anything about the texts and pictures but something didn’t sit right with me. I just had a feeling and I kept an eye on his social media. How silly of me really. He continued to be hot and cold with me. I eventually saw that he saw a woman with the same initials as the picture.

    I saw him again one last time about 5 weeks later. He gave me the most intense, long cuddles that I have ever have. He then left and just started treating me with so much coldness. I was going downhill pretty fast. I lost 10kilos, I couldn’t think straight and I would wake up from having nightmares from what I saw so I wasn’t sleeping well. I had no concentration and made every excuse to what I had seen.

    I eventually asked him about what I had seen on his phone for my own sake. He told me that it was nothing and just his godfathers daughter going through a tough time. 5 days later, that’s what the blocking started. Every place you could think of I was blocked. I took it quite personally and blamed myself. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked him about what I saw. The therapist I was talking to at the time said I had every right to feel the way I did and to have asked questions.

    Fast forward 2 years. I accepted that there would never be any kind of friendship. I am doing wonderfully. My mental health is at what it was before the break up. I’ve been traveling. Just a lot of self improvement.

    I love traveling. So I created a travel Instagram page. I was scrolling through and was just reading comments on a quotes post. I love reading comments haha. When I came across a comment where he had tagged her. The quote was “and I have met many people throughout the ins and outs of my life but you will always be my favourite.”. So I went on his Instagram and nothing of her or anything for a year. Facebook had nothing either. I was so incredibly hurt again and those feelings and what I had gone through just made me upset. I knew I had been lied to and gaslighted.

    It taught me a lesson. Block them when they start treating you with disrespect and before they do it to you. If you create a new page, block them straight away.

    I know that I deserved better than the crap he did to me. I know I am a good person and never deserved anything he did to me. I’ll never know why he wasn’t just honest with me in the first place. Guess lying and abusive behaviour is just a part of who he is. He has a lot of baggage and I now know what I don’t want in a partner.

    Stay strong. Know you can do better.

    #796239 Reply

    Daffodil82

    I really should have proofread this before I posted haha.

    Where I say “I eventually saw that he saw a woman with the same initials as the picture” I meant that I eventually saw him adding this woman to social media with the same initials as the picture I saw.

    #796243 Reply

    Alice

    So you two broke up two years ago and you’re just thinking about how you should have done things differently?

    I’ve done this before.

    It sounds like he was cheating on you and you were his backup plan in case things didn’t workout with her. Thus why the hot and cold, and his lingering for a while.

    This is typical cheater behavior. Also, cheating is MUCH more common than many people realize. Sometimes people breakup and then in a few weeks they see their ex all happy on social media with someone else. People question how they could move on so fast, but really that person probably had someone waiting in the wings ready to go before the breakup even happened.

    I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s happened to me too. What I can tell you is, cheaters are not good people to have in your life. Trust me when I say, he is without.

    #796244 Reply

    redcurleysue

    When a man shows you who he is believe him. All this has nothing to do with you.

    #796251 Reply

    Daffodil82

    Thank you for your kind words of support.

    I had never thought of the backup plan thing but it does make a lot of sense by what he was saying and doing at that time. I think when I asked about this woman, he realised I caught him out so he was a coward and started to cover his tracks. He also started deleting mutual friends and still does to this day.

    I know they’ve known each other for many years. I never heard about her when we were together. It seems they come in and out of each other’s lives.

    What would I have done different? Blocked him the minute he walked out my door the last time I saw him. I also kept it classy and didn’t badmouth him to people so I know I can be proud of how I handled it.

    #796260 Reply

    Alice

    Oh he was totally trying to cover his tracks when you called him out. He couldn’t burn any bridges with you just in case it didn’t workout with her, thus why he made up a story in hopes you’d believe it.

    It’s probably better you didn’t know. When you’re cheated on it’s incredibly different than a normal breakup, it can be excruciating.

    What’s important is that he’s gone and you’re away from him. Some cheaters don’t let their ex’s go because they always want a backup plan so people can be stuck hoping their cheaters will change for years, it’s very sad.

    You got away from him and whoever this girl is that’s in and out of his life has to deal with him. Be glad you’re not her, dealing with cheaters is the worst.

    #796266 Reply

    Daffodil82

    When we broke up he listed out a list of things he needed to do to improve himself.

    A couple of weeks later he told me that he was still there for me but he just needed to sort some sh!t out. He was just putting false hope in my head. No wonder I was getting confused. I had a friend who told me not to wait around because they say these things but never actually do it.

    For so long I wondered what I had done wrong to him to have deserved the treatment I got from him. When the penny dropped and confirmed on the weekend that he did it and blocked me because of this other woman, it all was clear. Don’t you love it when the universe throws something like this towards you a couple of years later to remind you to keep moving forward and that you can do better. After the weekend, It has answered a lot of the unanswered questions I had.

    He doesn’t deserve to be in my life at any capacity.

    All of you have been so kind and wonderful. I can’t thank you enough.

    #796269 Reply

    Alice

    Yup, typical cheater behavior lol gosh it’s so obvious once it’s happened to you.

    The whole “I’m just going through so much, I can’t be good to you right now, I need to find myself, etc” oh gosh the list goes on and on.

    What they are really doing is playing their cards with someone else and seeing how it goes before they fully give up on their current relationship. It’s disgusting!

    What most people don’t know is that cheaters are some of the most insecure people on earth. They literally cannot be alone, it terrifies them. Thus why they cheat because they don’t want gaps in their relationships.

    I know you’ve spent lots of time wondering if it was you and what happened. I’m sorry you spent that time. He is not worth anymore thoughts.

    #796333 Reply

    Daffodil82

    Thanks Alice. It was hard to seperate who he was as a person and who he was and how he treated me after.

    I have worked on myself a lot over the last 2 years. It’s all because of what he put me through. I have found my voice. I am an introvert and a quiet person. I walk away from situations now that are not in my best interest. I stand up for myself. I have so much confidence in myself. I also have confidence in knowing that I deserve a good, honest partner. Who he is and who I thought he was are so different. He always said I was too good for him, and now I believe I am. She can have him. He is no prize. I hope she enjoys him using his mental health as excuses, his flakiness, alcoholism and all the baggage And troubles he brings along that he has with his sons mum.

    #796349 Reply

    Alice

    Daffodil82,
    You’re right, he is no prize.

    I’m glad you were able to grow and see him for who he really was.

    #796563 Reply

    Daffodil82

    Thanks Alice.

    His dog died last year. I looked after the dog for 6 months, including 6 weeks after our break up. He had a house that had no fence and so I looked after her. As you can imagine, we
    Had such a bond and it broke my heart when she left. He promised to keep me up to date on her and send photos. Got nothing. I found out that she died. I sent him a really nice message sending my condolences. I realised that I was blocked on his phone. So I sent it again a couple of days later via messenger. He called a couple of hours later and I missed the call. Tried calling back but he didn’t take me off block. I tried a couple of others ways to find out more information but he just continued to ignore me. Eventually, after a month, he wrote back. Apologised for his behaviour and that he can’t explain it. He said he came off his meds. Told me what happened to her. Then he blocked me.

    Awesome guy hey hahahahaha. That was the last time I heard from him.

    #796599 Reply

    Newbie

    If this is still causing you this much questions, selfreflect and selfdoubt, then you are not doing so great in moving on, despite your efforts. I dont say this to sound mean but you are still wasting braincells over a relationship with a man who fell in love with someone else and that ended years ago. The time you still hoped probably exceeds the time of the relationship by many months.
    Your friend was right that he didnt mean to come back. Im not 100% sure he is a cheater. Its more likely he found someone he liked more or was a better match for him. I truly hope you are over him and dont waste so much time with another man once its clear its going nowhere. If you do you run out of time fast assuming you might want a family. Do some reading like the book why men love b*tches for instance. They dont go take care of the dog of the ex or send multiple messages because they are blocked. They move on and dont look back. I know its harder to do than to say it, but the efforts could work for you

    #796606 Reply

    Daffodil82

    Thanks Newbie! I’ve just downloaded it. I’ve always been someone that people take advantage of so anything that can help is worth reading. I just finished “Nice girl syndrome”. Such a great read :)

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