Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Withdrawed from the relationship
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 9 years, 3 months ago by
Ivy.
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Chloe
Hi. I was dating this guy for a year. We were both Late 30’s, very Busy with our own bussinesses., divorced with kids. In November, He went away for two weeks for vacation with his children , and did not call me or text me the time he was away, I was very angry but I also knew how he is.( he is a little weird sometimes and likes His freedom ) When he came back i was angry, hurt and dissapointed. When we got together he was a little distanced and irritated because he also found out he had Problems at work. So seeing him with my attitude and his problems did not help the situation. We started to discuss about stupid stuff and he was trying to blame on me for everything until I had to leave his place.. I withdrawed from him for a while and every now and then I would send a text to say hello and to see how he was doing. In the beginning he was very cold , later after a few weeks he was fine. I did not get to see him for a period of two months with very little contact. One day chatting he said he was going to do a vascectomy and I was surprised because when we were dating I have mentioned to him and he said no way I would do that. When I heard this , i immediately started to think the worst… Like he started dating a young girl or that he got someone pregnant .. I withdrew more from the situation …I really love this guy but I really do not know what happened here.. Did he do this because something happenned? Someone got pregnant? Or because he was going to start dating a younger girl? I have not seen this guy for 5 months.. The last time I heard from him a few weeks a go for his birthday. We never break up.. I think the relationship got colder and colder but I still love this guy… .
Diane
The relationship is already dead,,,,,,
Chloe
I agree.. It dJed as a consequence of no physical contact and verbal contact .. I subscribed myself ionline dating and have been dating other guys but it has not work out, then realized I still have feelings for him but neither one have got in contact to see each other.. Do you think I can send him a text or try to stop by his bussiness ( in NYC)..
Lane
Hi Chloe.
Does it really matter? You aren’t dating, barely talking, and he’s SINGLE so he can change his mind or do what ever he wants, when he wants, anytime he wants.
This relationship ran its course and I know your hurting at the thought of him being with another woman, but you need to accept he’s free to do so, just as your free to date/sleep with any man if you so chose.
Sasha
I have to agree and say that I believe the relationship has run its course. But what’s more puzzling is, Why didn’t you ask why he suddenly changed his mind in regards to having a vasectomy?? Were you just silent after he said that?? I don’t think I could be, even if I didn’t have a previous conversation about it, the first thing that would come out of my mouth would be, “Oh? What made you decide this permanent decision?” Of course it’s his choice and I would NEVER talk anyone out of a personal decision, but as a man’s gf, I would certainly be interested in what prompted him to change his mind.
You need to communicate, because jumping to conclusions, like you just did, isn’t beneficial in any kind of way and you end up torturing yourself with crazy thoughts. Lack of communication will destroy any thriving relationship.
Katerina
Hi,
I think it is best you move on. When a man does this, he doesnt want to get another woman pregnant. That means he may choose to go out and date other women, just with the reasuurance he won’t be responsible for another child. If he made the decision with you, would that mean you and he were in a deeper level of the relationship? It would make me question why I am with a man who may not discuss matters with me, or if he never thought we were gf bf to begin with.
Learn something from this, if you like him and he doesn’t call or contact you, that means he most likely is seeing another woman. She may get the surprise too that he isn’t into procreating,but doesn’t mind the process involving sex. Keep your door open- work on bettering yourself- start looking under titles for developing a healthy relationship. Good Luck and a hug.Ivy
It sounds like both of you let it be over without discussing anything so it’s safe to say both of you moved on and maybe continue to do so. However, I do find it very odd that after a year of dating it was left so open ended.
“One day chatting he said he was going to do a vascectomy and I was surprised because when we were dating I have mentioned to him and he said no way I would do that. ”
Why didn’t you just ask him directly why he was going to get that done? Do you have difficulty asking direct questions or being assertive? Cause despite this being over you can still learn from this and to me it seems that instead of asking you were fortune telling all kinds of things. I don’t think it sounds like the relationship should have continued even if you asked the question, I just am surprised that rather than ask you made a million guesses but didn’t ask.
Relationships require communication, it’s clear that was something not happening with this guy. You were hurt he didn’t contact you for two weeks but you didn’t discuss it and instead were passive aggresive with him. He was upset about work but that was not discussed instead the two of you were angry at each other. You were upset about the vasectomy but made lots of guesses instead of asking him. There was no communication, no honesty, between the two of you. Right or wrong for each other, realtionships can not survive without communication.
Ivy
The reason I bring that up is not so you can dwell on any perceived mistakes or so you can try to blame yourself or try to get this guy back, but rather so you can use it as a learning experience to perhaps work on relationship communication skills in the future.
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