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Liz Lemon.
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Ash
I need some advice. Because I don’t know if I’m
Just being emotional at that time of the month or whether I have a point.I’ve been seeing this guy for a year now. Prior to lockdown everything was great, the energy was great and we really connected. At that point it had been about six months however I was travelling fir a month of that. So when lockdown hit I guess we hadn’t done lots of the ‘couple milestones’ like meeting each other’s friends and family etc.
Lockdown was a strain on us and we did break up for about 2 months. After a break we spoke and decided to take things slow and see how things went.
That was three months ago now. I don’t refer to him as my boyfriend as though I’ve tried to have that conversation he gets awkard. I know there is no other girls. Like I fully trust that.
But I haven’t met he’s friends or any of his family.
Now I recognise lockdown/covid makes that tricky. We did have a serious chat maybe about 2 months ago and he said he was really enjoying how things were progressing. On the flip side. There’s no update to that. When we are together things are great. When we are apart I kind of feels like I don’t exist. I honestly am not clingy or constantly needing him to tell me how he feels. But I would hope that on the occasion I do approach the subject he can at least acknowledge and try and talk to me about it. He does call me through the week but I do feel rather unimportant in his life. Aside from the break. It’s been a year and I’m quite invested in this relationship but I’m cautious if there is no future for it. It’s hard because covid has made a lot of things difficult and I know it really has affected his headspace a lot. I care about him so much but when I try to talk about us he either gets annoyed or makes jokes. I can do the whole give space but will he not just see tha as playing games? 🤷🏻♀️Tallspicy
Nope nope nope nope. You have broken up before and he is not claiming you now. You should have not gone on more than a few dates with him without sorting this out.
This man already showed you who he is and you have asked and he had not responded, so the answer is no.
Dump him. This will not get better.
Anon
Agree! You break up and he’s free to do what he wants all summer and you’re back together on his terms. Let him know you don’t like that this isn’t really going anywhere and walk away. If he was going to step up, he would have.
Ash
We’re going to talk tonight. He says he hasn’t done anything wrong and is confused where this has all come from. I don’t understand the barrier to him telling me how he feels? I guess I’m just used to being able to openly expressing my feelings and vice verse in a relationship without it being a big deal.
From an outsider point of few amI overthinking this and should just calm down and let things naturally progress or do my points seem rational.I guess this year covid has made everything a little messy so I don’t want to make any rash decisions I guess
Tallspicy
Feel free to wait EVEN longer for a man who has NO plans to commit to you. This is on you. Not because you tried again but because you put no boundaries on it to begin with. If a boyfriend came back to me, it would be … no more than a month of in completely or out completely. He knows you well enough to decide, COVID is no excuse.
There is no barrier to how he feels. There is no pool of unexpressed feeling. He is not interested and he did nothing wrong because you accepted whatever crumbs he has given you. He is confused because with your behavior you accepted the tiny amount he gives.
Liz Lemon
You talk about waiting to see how things “naturally progress”, but I see no progression here. You’ve been dating a year and you can’t even refer to him as your boyfriend. And he “gets awkward” if you try to discuss that. When you’re apart he makes you feel like you don’t exist. If you try to talk about the relationship, he “gets annoyed or makes jokes.” You “feel unimportant in his life”. Surely you see this is not a relationship that’s progressing?
I think he’s comfortable with where things are. You’re a regular source of companionship and sex for him (I assume you two are sexually active), and he doesn’t have to make any effort. When you talked about it with him 2 months ago he said he was comfortable with where you are at– of course he is, he doesn’t have to make an effort to make you feel loved, wanted, and appreciated– and yet he gets to have fun and enjoy your company when you’re together.
You are not overthinking or being rash. Don’t let Covid make you think that this is how a relationship is supposed to be. You deserve to be with a guy who’ll call you his girlfriend after a year, and make you feel important, and integrate you into his life. This guy is doing none of that.
And he will make you feel like you’re overreacting because he doesn’t want this setup to end, it’s perfect for him. Dating is harder now with Covid, and he’d have to actually get out there and make an effort to court a woman if you left. So don’t listen to him if he makes you feel like you’re overreacting– if he cared about you he would step up and work to make you feel loved and appreciated.
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