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- This topic has 13 replies and was last updated 3 years, 8 months ago by
Liz Lemon.
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june
So there is this mutual friend that I sometimes engage in making out with etc. He is 30 and I am 26. He really like and keeps saying things like he wants more in subtle ways. I am a little out of his league types (not like i believe in leagues, but it is very obvious in our case). He keeps telling my mutual friend that if I was ever interested in him he would definitely want to date me. Today out of the blue he texted me that he is going to on a trip and started talking about it. I jokingly said you are going to freeze on that trip. So he said why don’t you come with me to keep me warm. I sent a lol to that and then he shared his detailed itinery with me as well. Do I consider this an invitation to join or should I wait for him to ask me again? Plus the trip is going to be 9-10 days in December, how do I know he is going tp pay for it? Should I bo0k my flight tickets and let him take up the rest if I do go with him? He is also a very luxurious person, I cannot keep matching his spending habits or I will get broke. Plus, whenever we have hung together before, which is not a lot of times (3-4 times), he has always picked up the bill. But I do go about being sure that he will pay this time too? I mean it is a 9 day long trip. And I don’t have enough savings, I just went out on a trip 15 days back. Please pitch in your response for both my questions
June
And making out like kisses on lips and neck, close dancing,we once cuddled and slept the night together after a party in a nice hotel which he paid for, another time we slept holding hands, watching horror movies in a nice hotel which he paid for.
Ewa
you are out of his league , you mean look wise?
if you can’t afford to go then don’t even think about going.
I had this situation with the guy I am dating, when he started seeing me, he booked a skiing trip and someone cancelled so they have one space available and he started hinting and also his friend asked me if maybe I want to go but firstly I can’t ski secondly I cannot afford it, so I didn’t even pick up the subject…Lane
What do you mean by “out of your league?” Is it that he’s rich, intelligent, and/or very handsome; or you come from very different backgrounds? Hard to know without some specifics.
I think you are jumping the gun here. When he said “why don’t you come with me to keep me warm” responding with a lol didn’t help you at all as he was fishing for a response and you pretty much blew him off but now you want to take a dose of steroids? I don’t know why women miss these opportunities to come up with a better response, such as “I would love to but unfortunately I’m out of vacations days :o(” to show interest but not jumping into the frying pan so darn quickly.
Be a turtle not the hare. You aren’t even dating, where all he said to your friend is that if you were interested he would date you. So let him know you are interested instead of responding with “lols”, and then get to know each other outside of the sheets, to see if the league thing is real before you even consider taking any body warming trips together.
June
Yes, looks wise I am out of his league. Also I am smarter in terms of education.
And thanks for the suggestion. I won’t go if he doesn’t say it upfront that I won’t have to spend.June
He is always flirting with me about how attractive and smart he thinks I am and that he has always wanted more. He is rich and belongs to a well respected family. I
Maddie
If he offers to pay, you better make sure he knows what you’re looking for from him first before traveling with him. If it’s not a relationship you’re after, and you’re not trying to use him for a free trip, you better tell him. Because if he spends all that money, he may have expectations and then will get mad if you don’t fulfill them. I’m not saying it’s right if he does have expectations, just that you don’t want to end up in that situation where you’re alone and traveling with him and relying on him to pay, but then you two have very different ideas of what the trip means and you can’t afford it if he offered to pay but then things go awry and he doesn’t actually.
mama
So you say you’re prettier and smarter but he’s rich. I see.
I think you should let him go and have a chance to find someone who has a little more respect for him. Forget the trip.
Lane
Wow! Your answer said it all. Agree with Mama. You obviously aren’t romantically interested in him, based on your response, only what his money can spend on you. Got it. Kharma has a funny way of teaching hard lessons when one is being deceitful. Hope this guy figures you out before he gets burned.
Liz Lemon
This guy hasn’t actually asked you on any trip. He texted you an itinerary of a trip he was planning to take. He made a joke about keeping him warm but that’s not the same as formally inviting you on the trip. And there’s no way to know what he will pay for without having a forthright, honest conversation about the trip and its expenses.
However I agree with Mama also, you seem to only be interested in his money. You give the impression that he’s beneath you (saying you’re out of his league, etc). Let him go so he can find someone who appreciates him for more than his money.
Raven
You seem to have gone from 0 to 60 in seconds!
Why hasn’t he ask you out on a proper date?
AngieBaby
Mama, much as we may not like to admit it, in the dating world women are highly prized for their good looks and men are highly prized for their fat wallet.
June, I wouldn’t take that long of a trip with a man who wasn’t my BF. And if he pays for everything you’re going to feel weird, because it’s like being a call girl. Unless I’m misunderstanding the situation, he’s just flirting with you and stuff, he’s not asking you out on proper dates or asking you to be his GF. This is a guy who is used to being able to get women with this money, at some level. Don’t become a paid side piece.
june
I would ask you guys to not jump to conclusions. Even he wants me to go there to keep him warm not to develop any meaningful connection if we just go by what he said. I am gonna be romantically interested in him if he gonna be romantically interested. I am worrying about the paying bit because I can’t spend so much money on a trip. of course I like him and I am interested in going if he has asked, which reading the replies I am sure about now he hasn’t lol, probably lane is right I should have expressed some interest in wanting to go rather than a lol. I would be romantically interested in him if he asks me out on a proper date which he isn’t able to manage as he lives far and very busy and travels often for work. and I am not overboard about his interest, he totally likes me a lot, there’s a huge story. before I was always committed, so he couldn’t really pursue, and now a days I told him I am looking to process past hurt and trauma so not looking to date, probably that’s why he doesn’t ask me out but still tries to hangout a lot as much as he can manage. But anyway, thanks for the replies. He hadn’t texted me in a week and now he sudden;y texts me to tell me he is going on a trip, why not if he wants me to accompany, should I ask him again or wait and see if he asks me again? Anyway, My decision is that, if he brings it ups again I will simply tell him I am a little low on funds so cannot join. Does that seem okay?
Liz Lemon
I think you’re overthinking this. Unless he seriously asks you directly to go on the trip with him, I would consider it a joke and not take it seriously. I think replying “lol” to comment about keeping him warm on a trip is fine– he made a joke, he didn’t ask you in a sincere way, so it was fine to make a joke of it.
If he does ask you and is serious, I think it’s fine to tell him you don’t have the funds. It would then be up to him to offer to pay your expenses. I wouldn’t ask him or bring it up. Let him bring it up if he’s serious about it. And like Maddie said, make sure he knows what you are looking for from him if you do go and he does pay. If you accept an offer from him he might interpret that as romantic interest.
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