Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Should I meet a guy that was in a 7 year relationship?
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Anderson.
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Jools
I used to work with this guy 7 years ago and he was in a relationship with a girl who he ended up moving in with and staying with for the full 7 years but we never really spoke. He recently messaged me after I shared a meme that he found funny and we’ve been talking near enough every day since. He told me about his relationship because he “didn’t want to feel like there was an elephant in the room for him” and he “didn’t want it to come across like he was hiding anything”. He said she broke up with him out of the blue in January and he was heartbroken which led to him having a really tough few months until he decided to join a few dating sites 3 months ago as he felt in better spirits and like every day was finally easier than the last.
He’s rang me quite a few times and we speak for hours at a time and he’s asked to meet up but I’m not sure what to do. I’ve told him I stopped dating a while ago because it was too much stress and we had a laugh about it but he said he’d still like to hang out.
What should I do? How will I know he’s really over her and not just using me as a rebound?
I’ve no problem meeting him as a friend but I wouldn’t want to start something just to end up feeling used, so do I tell him that or should I just be honest and tell him that the fact he was in a relationship for so long puts me off meeting him, even just as friends?Raven
He needs to be single for at least 1.5 years…
You are a rebound-
K
He said he’d like to “hang out.” That’s not a date.
If you think you can just be friends with him, then go hang out. If you know you’re going to want more, stay away. He’s not even close to be ready for anything new that would be real and lasting if he’s that fresh out of it with someone after 7 years. And he’s on dating sites. Guaranteed rebound if you want anything more than friends. I sense you want more, so my advice is keep your distance and stop talking on the phone with him for hours.
T from NY
Oh honey. He’s DEF not over her.
Anderson
I was in a similar scenario after a break up where I chose not to hang out with the girl even as friends. Few reasons, but the relevant one is that even though I agreed to the harmless hang outs during talks, I realized later the various things I wanted to do with her were “rebound” instead of platonic.
I like to think just because an outing is labeled differently doesn’t mean it still can’t inherently be datelike. Do you like him? If so, that in itself becomes high risk. But then add to that that someone who’s dumped almost always takes longer to recover. And sure not everyone gets over a breakup at the same rate but a few months after 7 years is ridiculously short. Being on dating sites can be representative of being over someone, but not necessarily. You can ask him straight up and see what he says. Though the amount of times I’ve seen people’s words not match what they feel, I make the decision based on my assessment instead of relying purely on their words. But that’s me
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