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Beatriz.
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Beatriz
I got divorced in February so dating has been a weird world for me. I just recently started dating a guy who seems to be everything I could hope for and he came out of nowhere when I really didn’t want to even consider a relationship. I’m 32 and he’s 34 for reference. He’s very attentive, kind, awkward (just like me), and nerdy, so I don’t feel like he’s a “multiple girls” kind of guy. He has also said things like “we’re both pretty into each other huh?” and “I really like you and was confused when I realized that so early.” He also went out of his way to ask me what we were and I said I don’t do FWB, need the emotional connection and he agreed but wanted to keep things “super casual” as we both have kids.
He usually texts me in the morning to say good morning or ask how my morning is going and will consistently text me throughout the day. I saw him last night and he seemed distant. He hasn’t texted at all today and I know he did the family/Christmas thing last night so I doubt he’s doing that again today. Even so, he texted me while he was with family yesterday so I know he texts when he’s thinking of me without concern of who he’s around or what he’s doing. I’m not sure what to do here because it’s very unusual for him but with him seeming distant yesterday, I feel I should avoid initiating. Any advice?
Maddie
Some people get weird around the holidays. Either they’re busy or they’re conflicted about the time of year for various reasons. I don’t think you should overthink things feeling off when it’s only been a day or two. I wouldn’t initial real conversation, but wishing him a happy holiday because you feel like it and have no other expectations for the message is fine. That all being said, his words and actions aren’t aligned in general (which is why you’re actually confused), so that’s more concerning than a couple distant days. Saying, “I’m so into you so fast and I’m with you about not calling us FWB — but instead want to call us ”
‘super casual'” … I mean, that’s the same thing. A guy who wants companionship but no real relationship commitment. He’s just trying to make it sound nicer so you stick around. And he went out of his way to ask you because he wanted to make sure you’d stick around for it without pressuring him for more. It’s fine to take things slow because you have kids, but that’s very different than super casual. Is he actually over his divorce and ready to date for real? Are you and is that what you’re looking for, or you also want casual while you’re still adjusting to being single again?Beatriz
Wow you definitely helped me pinpoint the confusion. I’m looking for long-term when I date someone and I see a lot of potential in him being that for me. I had wanted my divorce for a year before it was completed so I felt I had moved on easily from that relationship. I took 6 months after to go to therapy and everything, definitely sure I’m ok to be on the dating scene again but I generally just don’t enjoy it since men tend to have other motives and I have children. I know I’m looking for someone who gives me what I deserve and I’ve literally not seen a man who can do that, ever, so I’m hesitant. It’s possible he’s not ready but I don’t know him well enough to tell. He’s been divorced 2 years so it’s better than other men I’ve spoken to who (ridiculously) go online dating sites one month after a break up and pretend like they’re in a good place to date.
I’m going to keep my eye on the red flags. I don’t like “super casual” so I’m going to discuss what that looks like to him. I think having children does mean we shouldn’t introduce them to the significant other or each other anytime but that doesn’t mean we can’t commit to one another with plans for that way down the road.
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