Ignored Again

Ashley, my heart breaks for you.

But you know what? You are too smart and too lovely and too sweet to be with a douchenozzle. He just doesn’t deserve you. I’m not just saying that; I really mean it. There’s someone on the way for you—I really feel that. He’ll surprise you.

Don’t worry, don’t be anxious. Be relieved. This guy is doing you a favor. Channel your inner badass and realize, good riddance, who needs him.

You seem like a bright spark and that intuition of yours is something to be listened to. Don’t dismiss it. Ever. He comes across as someone with traits of a narcissistic sociopath. The lying, excuses, disappearing act, reappearing etc. Talk about high maintenance. Create closure for yourself with this one. Keep being plugged into your own life and passions and pursuits and going forward with your own interests rather than figuring out, or hoping, what some loser’s next move is going to be with you. Strive on!

Him ignoring you that way is when the narcissist/sociopath is in the ‘devalue’ stage. The stage AFTER idolising you. I’m telling you, when your gut kicks in automatically about someone it is not to be ignored. It is a sure sign you know something is not right. Like I said, construct closure with this guy yourself – lots of women wait around “hoping for closure” from men they thought they had ‘something’ with, who aren’t even worth chasing closure for. I don’t know why. If a guy disappears on me, I just let ’em go. I don’t even care that they’ve gone because they obviously didn’t seriously care about me in the first place, so I don’t go chasing them. With anyone, there are no guarantees. Relationships are not forever in most cases, people are fickle, and will do whatever they want, including ourselves! You can be in a relationship for a week, a month, a year, ten years. It can still be over at a whim for whatever reason or no reason. I really hope you let this loser go for good. You lived without him before, and you’ll live without him again.

So sorry Ashley! This was a case of ‘mad love’ and unfortunately they rarely ever survive because there are serious integrity issues that eventually appear when the fog wears off and you find out he a lemon 🍋!

I know it’s hard but you will get through it. Like they say “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger (and smarter)! Hugs

Boy oh boy is this guy charming…he knows how to act, knows what to say and how to be…for a while…

It is all an act. An act he cannot keep up with the same person…for too long.

He sweeps in and is “all about you”…when he is not that person at all.

You are seeing him as he really is…with the mask off. He is running scared. Running and running so that nothing catches him…ever.

He really should be on the stage…he would get an Oscar.

I am sorry Ashley, but this man will not find peace. His bright party life is a big distraction for himself so he does not stop….never stop, and face himself…he is empty inside, and that is too bad for him. I really do feel sorry for someone who cannot live and be at peace inside.

Please see him as he really is…an empty man….a man who cannot stop….and like the story of the Red Shoes…he has to keep dancing. He has no choice.

He is not a keeper…for you or any woman.

He is good at what he does…and he is good at reading you too.

He purposely creates distance…he does not want to get too close. That is where the pain is..you want to get closer and he backs off.

Now we get to the work. There is learning to be had here…emotional learning for you. That is what to focus on. What do you think you can learn through all this?

Nothing is wasted if it educates us.

Going on a date tonight with a guy I actually went on a date with the same time I was talking to my guy in early days. If nothing else it should be good for me!

Have fun on your date and keep us posted.

Ashley I really hope you take RCS’s advice to heart. You can learn a lot from what went wrong with this last guy.

Slow down, stop investing in a guy who has yet to prove himself, and PROVE his sincerity through actions that are consistent, and consistently match his words.

If he’s laying it on thick at the beginning, if he’s flakey, inconsistent, unclear on what he wants in life and relationship-wise, if he’s all about being physical and little about seeking to find out WHO you are as a person, or any of the other million warning signs YOU KNOW to look out for, walk and walk fast.

I think you are still too much in your head of trying to “find the ONE” that you don’t even step back to see who a guy really is, and if he’s worthy of anything long term.

I think you are allowing yourself to rationalize too much bad or unacceptable behavior from the start, and allow yourself to be beguiled by a guy who knows how to flatter.

Flattery is not the same thing as a sincere compliment. It’s shallow, and intended to manipulate.

Are you finding all the guys you date seem to have the same questionable character? If so, you need to spend some more time in self reflection and figure out what you need to fix in your internal monologue, that prevents you from repelling these types (or removing them quickly).

Know you have a lot to offer and stop accepting douche’s. I get the sense you get dazzled by flashy guys, guys who look good and garner lots of attention, but are of little substance.

Phillygirl, all signs with him were excellent…until the spouts of MIA a year ago. So he was perfect til I’d say 9 months. My flaw is I run with the “good” and base everything on that, overlooking hiccups when they happen laterThank you so much!

Thank you so much Pandora. You’re absolutely right, I cannot date or anything right now. I thought it might be good for me to go on a date last night, but all it did was make me feel more in love with him. I’m crying right now because what you said is so true. On the date all I could think of was how a month ago yesterday was the last time I was with him & how even though we were at the table together, we felt like that was too far away, like we missed each other & held hands at the table. I missed him so much. I even felt gross to even be around another guy. There’s no way I can go on another date anytime soon. It made it worse 😢 I went from feeling a bit better & trying to pick myself up to now I feel like a mess

Dear Ashley!

A little over a year ago, I found out the person I loved and trusted more than anyone lied to me. This thread isn’t about me, but the long and short of it is: I’d known him for years, he was always–or seemed–so kind and so good. And he came after me and I thought, this is beautiful and then it turns out he was a lying two-face jacka**. I really thought I would never, ever get over it. I was certain he was My Person. I couldn’t stop crying. I was shocked and I felt hopeless. ……And now? ….Okay, if you’d have told me I’d be like, Wow, thank GOD that didn’t work out, thank GOD he broke my heart…..I would have punched you in the face…..But it’s true. Thank GOD it didn’t work out. The way things are now in my life, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. You’ll get him out of your system. It will take some time. Keep yourself busy. Your story isn’t over. It’s just unfolding. But I promise you, one day in the future–not even THAT far in the future at all….you’ll be glad this didn’t work out and you’ll wonder what you even saw in him.

One other thing….Years and years ago, I worked at a fancy schmancy famous place for a famous person. It seemed like a dream come true. Fancy offices in NYC, hobnobbing with beautiful people, just like in the movies. But it was miserable. I worked 60+ hours. I was yelled at, I was exhausted, I was poor, and I thought, I have to make this work. …..NO I didn’t. I ended up getting a job at a nonprofit….not as fancy, but I worked for a good man, and never once—not once!—did I dread going into work, or feel underappreciated or undervalued. The right guy–and job–often surprise us. It’s often not who or what we expect.