He says that we are only friend" but always flirt with me and acts as a bf!


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals He says that we are only friend" but always flirt with me and acts as a bf!

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  • #781496 Reply
    lost-in-love

    Dear all,

    First, I am sorry for the small mistakes, english is not my native language. I need help because this guy is driving me completely crazy. I posted a message about it few months ago but can’t find it so I am creating a new topic.
    This year in class, I met a guy who is 26 years old and I fall in love with him. I thought he also fall in love with me for different reasons:
    -He was always looking at me and blushed when i was smiling at him.
    -He organized my birthday in class and contacted the teacher (i didn’t tell him it was my birthday). He also said “that he organized it because it is for me and he won’t do it for someone else”.
    -He always texted me, called me all the time, complimented me.
    -He asked me so many questions about me and my family and even people in class thought we were together.
    -We were talking for hours about child education and even wedding! For me he was my soul mate we just understand each other.

    Few months ago, I told him that I like him and that I want to have a drink with him but he refused and said that we are only friend.
    I was ok about it but his behavior changed. He became even more attentive and acted jealous when I was talking to a guy. I just couldn’t talk to a guy friend without him being around and acting jealous! Also, he was always spying on my social media profile, and always asking me “what do you do at night? who do you go out with?” Furthermore, we were always together and spending our whole week-end working together.
    He came to have dinner at home and we talked together and i had the courage to tell him that I want to kiss him. His answer surprised me again “What? Are you still thinking of that? I told you we are only friend” and then he left my place and said “See you tomorrow at the library”.

    The next day, he started flirting with me (touching my hand) and I didn’t say anything. He was spying on my phone when I was answering to a friend. After he told me that, I tried to forget him but he doesn’t let me forget him as he acts as if he was my boyfriend!
    -He called me everyday
    -If i talk to a guy he becomes extremely jealous and he doesn’t let me ! He comes and starts monopolizing the discussion
    – I told to another guy friend that I was planning to go out for the night, and the guy i like said “what? why are you going out we have class the next morning!don’t go out!” and the other friend said “She is free to do whatever she wants”.
    -Few days later, he even invited me to have lunch.
    -we also had lunch with another friend and he played footsie with me! I felt embarrassed and did nothing.

    Another point that I didn’t mention is that he is jewish and i’m not (muslim parents but not practicing). He told me that “he could convince his parents to marry a non jewish”

    I absolutely do not understand why his behavior shows that he likes me but he keeps telling me that we are only friends. I trie to forget him by dating other guys but it is very hard because I just can’t.

    Could you please help me? What should I do? What do you think about this situation?

    #781509 Reply
    Dangerouse

    [message deleted]

    Mod update: Not cool. Do not make statements like that. I’m disappointed.

    #781511 Reply
    Honeypie

    Dangerouse how utterly inappropriate and prejudice your comments are. Take them back to the 1930’s immediately.

    OP this man wants the benefits of your attention and admiration but isn’t willing to commit. He’s therefore a waste of your emotions and you’re getting hurt. Please take a massive step away from him. You say you can’t as he keeps contacted- STOP responding! Leave his texts unread or on read and don’t reply all the time. Send him a firm message I’m your actions that he’s NOT a priority anymore. Don’t meet up so much – pull back and when he asks why, say you’ve gotten the message he just wants friendship and you’re respectful of that and looking after yourself

    #781517 Reply
    lost-in-love

    Thank you for your messages except from Dangerouse message. Please don’t say racist comments I just can’t stand that.

    I know that he’s playing with my feeling. But one thing that I didn’t mention is that he is really nice with me. He was there when I had family issues and always take care of me and my well being. If I’m sad, he is as well.. if I need something he runs to buy it for me. I know that he is not a bad person. My first belief is that as I’m not Jewish he just can’t date me.

    I suffer so much from this situation.

    #781539 Reply
    Lane

    At this point the best thing for you is to end this unrequited love (aka ‘limmerance’) you have developed for this man. He has clearly told you he likes you as “a friend” and in MAN CODE if means exactly that “I like you as a friend!” My best friends have been male and they are super cool, helpful, will have your back, do things for you, great to hang out with and even greater confidants—-overall can be the greatest *friends* if you are able to be a great friend back

    What is a friend? A friend is someone who you like really well, can do things with, enjoy talking and spending time with but there is no romantic element to it. He doesn’t think of you in the romantic sense but you see him that way which is why this is driving you mad. If you could take a step major back and look at him like A FRIEND, not a romantic interest by trying to switch your mindset and look at him differently, like you do with other friends, and see if can make that transition.

    If you cannot then the best thing to do is to stop ALL interactions with him, don’t talk to him, and above-all don’t see or spend any time with him in situations that drives you nutso. Like they say “out of sight, out of mind.” Try keeping him out of sights and eventually it will calm your mind.

    #781600 Reply
    ANM Staff
    Keymaster

    Mod update: Hi Dangerouse, I saw your follow-up update and I appreciate what you said. I’ll keep it un-posted though, I’d prefer that the whole topic be put to rest and we’ll all move on.

    To lost-in-love, I’m sorry for the upsetting post – hopefully you can continue having helpful conversations with our community members. Best wishes to you!

    #781606 Reply
    Better off single

    This guy is controlling, selfish, possessive and bad at communicating. He isn’t locking you down either. He’s a jerk. Why do you like this guy?

    #781609 Reply
    kaye

    I can’t see from your post how he is acting like a boyfriend. He has turned down your invitation for drinks saying you are only friends and when he came to have dinner and you wanted to kiss him he made it clear that wasn’t on his mind and you were just friends. From what it sounds like you are study buddies. And when he asked you to lunch it was with another friend, not alone. It sounds to me like he’s one of those guys who is just a big flirt and because you have a crush on him you are reading into all kinds of signs that aren’t there. He’s not asking you out on dates, kissing you, telling you he wants to date you or he doesn’t want you to date other guys. I have never had a guy who wanted to date me tell me we were just friends. I’m sorry, but you need to believe him.

    #781614 Reply
    lost-in-love

    Thank you guys for your answers!
    You’re right I have to forget him and I completely understand your point of views.
    However why doesn’t he play footsie with me when we have lunch?? Also why doesn’t he want to talk about his dates or girls? Why does he call me all the time ?
    I would be ok to be his friend if he stops giving me opposite signs… playing footsie with me and being jealous when I talk to guys is not ok for me..

    #781615 Reply
    lost-in-love

    I wanted to say “why does he play footsie with me”

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