Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He didn’t offer to pay.
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 3 years, 8 months ago by
E.
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E
We’ve been talking for 2 months. We talk everyday but live 3 hours away from each other. He wants to come out and see me but I cancelled because my family decided to come to town last minute. The following weekend I offered to go see him but I had to cancel again because of work. This is the third weekend and I am supposed to go see him but he hasn’t even offered to pay the ticket.
He is just telling me how much he cannot wait to see me etc but I haven’t bought my ticket yet because I am waiting for him to offer to pay it. Also I asked him which time is better and he just keeps saying whatever works for you.
So I’m supposed to travel 3 hours to go see him, spend a weekend with him, get free sex, and he cannot even offer to pay the bus ticket or choose the bus time.I told him when I met him that i was looking for an assertive man that can take charge and lead. Am I over reacting and should he have offered to pay?
Penny
I don’t think he will offer. Honestly, why should he? You don’t have to go. And you don’t have to have sex. It sounds like you are keeping score already and you haven’t even met him.
And why would you spend the weekend with a stranger? You don’t know him. He could be crazy.
Raven
What is the impetus for wanting to see a guy who is 6 hours round trip?
Raven
On a bus?!
Raven
Seriously- why would you ever consider something like this…
Angel
Of course, he is going to tell you what works best for you, you cancelled on him twice. If I was in the position I would tell you the same because a set time doesn’t work, so you make the date, fair enough.
It already seems like you don’t want to go, so don’t.Anon
I would not meet him- he may or not be a take charge kind of guy- but you’re already annoyed and haven’t met in person. Probably not a good match
Kim
You canceled on the guy twice that’s probably why he said whatever works for you so he’s leaving it up to you to do what’s convenient for you. Who says you have to have sex with him? You can go visit him but get an Air B&B or something if it’s the first time you’re seeing him. That way if it doesn’t work out you’re not obligated to stay at his house.
When I first started dating my husband we were living in different states and doing long distance. The first time that I went to see him I didn’t stay with him. I rented an Air B&B because I didn’t want to give off the wrong vibes. I paid for flights and accommodation myself. It was literally the second time I’d seen him so I wasn’t going to expect him to pay for that.
I guess it depends what you’re looking for with this guy. Are you looking for a long term relationship. If so take it a bit slowly, especially if you live so far away from each other. Is this the first time you’re meeting? Cause he really should be coming to you in that case. My husband came to visit me before I ever went to visit him. If it’s the first time you’re meeting you can’t expect him to pay for you. If he offers great. If not it shouldn’t be a deal breaker this early on. If you’re looking for something casual maybe staying at his house is ok cause there’s obviously different expectations about the relationship.
AngieBaby
If I were him I wouldn’t make plans to go see someone who cancelled on me twice at the last minute. “My family showed up at the last minute” and “I have to work” doesn’t come across as a person who is really available and interested. I’d want to see the person making an effort.
Him telling you to pick the time that works for you sounds like someone trying to have good manners, not someone lazy.
Hate to be blunt, but you’ve done nothing to deserve him offering to pay your bus fare and that’s a pretty entitled expectation. You don’t know each other. And it’s a poor plan to spend a whole weekend with someone you don’t know and have sex on the first time you meet. Says you’re low value. You sound more like a high maintenance call girl or a girl in search of a sugar daddy talking about this than someone who’s looking to go on a date to get to know someone.
E
Hey guys, thanks for all of the advice. I ended up buying my ticket lol and went and I had the most amazing weekend ever. We had so much fun and he took me aight seeing and we did so many touristy things as I’ve never been to that city before. He is such a gentleman and I am so happy I went!! Next weekend he’s going to drive down to my city :)
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