Am I overthinking

If he unmatched with you I’d say he isn’t interested. Probably just made those plans in the heat of the moment. Men don’t like to hurt a woman’s feelings so they will avoid saying things outright that might make you feel bad. Instead it seems he just unmatched with you which was the least confrontational way to let you down gently. It was just one date. Go out with other guys. Don’t make excuses for this guy either. If he wanted a follow up date, he’d have secured a time by now.

Yeah he left me on read, so I deleted his contact info. Imma keep it moving. But just having the decency.

Yeah, you are right Gaia, I guess I have always been in some type of relationship dating is new. Even the first guy I ever went on a date with on Bumble was kinda heading there, a relationship. But I will adapt that rule so I don’t waste my time.

I agree with you that it was totally rude. It’s one thing to have a nice date yet not set up anything else and fade off instead. That’s slightly disappointing but fine, nothing is owed. But in my opinion, making definite plans with someone you have no intention of keeping because you’re too uncomfortable to say no or to later on say you changed your mind is cowardly and immature. It’s happened to me before and will keep happening as long as there’s online dating, but see it as you dodged a bullet if you’re looking for someone who would actually use their words to communicate. Since he doesn’t! Plus, the biggest early dating red flag is words and actions not lining up, so there you go.

For your own sake, don’t put much stock in a good first date. You still don’t know the person at all, so the little positive actions he took on the date really don’t matter and aren’t worth the analysis. That’s the bit of overthinking. Your job in early dating is, did he meet your minimums of being a good and respectful person without obvious dealbreakers, and are you interested enough in getting to know him better to see him another time? (And, did he appropriately follow up and follow through to see you again?) That should help you flip the perspective to truly feel relieved that you’re not having your time wasted when you encounter situations like this. I’ve also had great first dates that have all been downhill from there once the guy started showing his true character, so it can take a little bit of time to gauge someone’s actual potential when you’re looking for a relationship. Enjoy the moment and the date, but wait before you see it as high potential.

I think you’ll be okay, but sometimes online dating can be frustrating because there’s a wide range of behaviors (including the flakes and zombies listed above) that are not all respectful. But that’s why you learn to let it roll off you because it’s nothing personal anyway. It’s just, next!

It’s very possible he had second thoughts about your age difference – 23 years older than you is very significant.

Might want to consider dating in your own age group. Relationships with that big of an age gap are tough to make work over the long haul, you struggle with having things in common.

Obviously he changed his mind about something after everything he said to you.

Good luck.

Online dating means there is a lot of competition with other women which means guys talk to and date multiple ladies.

One suggestion is to try and meet guys naturally, away from dating apps. Dog walking parks are good even if you don’t own a dog. Going into coffee shops, grocery stores and making eye contact with men also creates opportunities. That way if a guy likes you (and he’s not on dating apps – some don’t BTW) there aren’t all those other women to compete with.

Ewa he messaged today saying ‘sorry for the lag it’s been a busy week and that he isn’t sure about Sunday’ so I blocked him.

Listen I’m the first person to advise a woman to not have unreasonable expectations about men in the beginning stages of dating. Also to say we can’t EXPECT a guy to keep calling or ask us out just because we like them or because they have been – until they are our boyfriend. But I’m sick and tired of women not getting validation for their feelings when men act shi##y. He should not have made additional plans, texted he had a great time, then disappeared without so much as a “It was nice to meet ya I’ve moved on”. (I’m glad he finally answered at least) Sure people can go on dates, say they had a good time to be polite – but then never talk to you again or fade away, but as women – telling other women you should have ZERO expectations of civil behavior or humane interaction is bs. Men have been gaslighting us for CENTURIES, now we’ve been socialized to do it to each other.

I’m ALWAYS kind, respectful, enough to tell men who are interested in me (but I’m not interested anymore in them) “Thank you so much for dinner (or the drink) but I’m not feeling enough to continue. Wish you the best “. I am sorry he isn’t mature or grown enough, or we don’t expect men to be mature or grown enough, or humane enough to just SAY.

Hugs

The definition of suffering is expecting people to be the way you want them to be. You will always be disappointed at some point along the line. Expecting strangers or people you hardly know to act the way you want them to is handing way too much power over them.

I have a certain code of manners. It’s mine. It’s higher level than most people’s. I adhere to it. Others may or may no do the same and that’s OK. If there isn’t enough overlap we’re not cut out to be in each other’s lives. No big deal.

I do not expect nor do I want a man to tell me thanks but no thanks if it’s a no from him after a first date. If he wants to ask me out again he will. If he doesn’t I don’t need or want notification. He doesn’t call for another date, I couldn’t care less, I wasn’t invested and I’m not bothered if he liked me or not.I feel that way for up to 5-6 dates. We’re both trying it out and getting to know each other. He doesn’t owe me a damn thing. Nor do I owe him anything and I don’t feel the need to send a rejection notice after a date that didn’t work out. If I decide I don’t want to see him again and he asks me out I will be honest and say I just didn’t feel like we clicked.

It’s funny to me that it’s only ever the guys who feel they have to tell me the next day that we didn’t click were not good dates and we both knew it.

My two cents.