Articles by Rachel Hercman, LCSW


Letting Go of Your Dream Guy … So You Can Find Love with the Right Guy post image

Dreaming is good.

In America, “dream big” is often the mantra of success. It’s not uncommon to hear actors, entrepreneurs, politicians, musicians, and athletes attribute their accomplishments to an undying commitment to never abandoning their dreams, no matter how bleak the path ahead may have appeared. In the words of Jim Carrey, “It is better to risk starving to death than surrender. If you give up on your dreams, what’s left?”

It is indeed inspiring to hear tales of perseverance: stories about people who held onto optimism and the hope that somehow, someday, the life they were living would match the life they could only imagine. That the wait would be over, and the finish line would make the whole journey—all the pain, the disappointment, the rejection—finally worth it.

But does dreaming big work well for your love life?

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Concerned About Your Friend’s Relationship?  Ten Tips for a Helpful “Interfriendtion” post image

So your friend is dating this guy and you’re thinking he’s bad news. It’s the kind of situation where you can feel stuck: On the one hand, you love your friend and want her to be in a healthy relationship. On the other hand, you know that if you say something to her, she may not take it well and it may ruin your friendship. What’s a girl to do?

Every situation is different, but here are some points that may apply to your situation and can be helpful to explore as you figure out the next right step:

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Five Tips for Getting through Valentine’s Day When You Don’t Have a Valentine post image

Just when you feel like you survived being single through the holiday season, Valentine’s Day shows up. Hearing peers and colleagues speak about their Valentine’s Day plans and being asked about your own can trigger all sorts of feelings. For some, it can feel like February 14th is Prom Night for grown-ups, and there you are without a date. Sure, you’re looking better now than you did back in your high school days of awkward braces and shoulder pads, but adolescence doesn’t have a monopoly on the experience of feeling inadequate and excluded.

In the movies the leading lady ends up with a prom date at the last minute (and somehow has the perfect dress and a gorgeous updo done in minutes, but I digress), but hoping for that fantasy to be your reality may set you up for disappointment. So here are some helpful tips for getting through Valentine’s Day…sans Ben & Jerry’s.

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“It Doesn’t Mean I’m Lonely When I’m Alone” post image

alone: adjective \?-?l?n\: without anyone or anything else: not involving or including anyone or anything else: separate from other people or things

lone·ly: adjective \?l?n-l?\: sad from being apart from other people: causing sad feelings that come from being apart from other people: not visited by or traveled on by many people

The other day, I was standing in line at Starbucks (I know, I should really just make my own, it’s way cheaper) and I observed a phenomenon you’ve probably seen, too.

All of the tables were occupied by solo patrons sipping their drinks, staring at their laptops and phones, gently nodding to the music being transmitted through bulky headphones. I got my drink and did the necessary hula-hoop walk as I navigated through the sea of tables to find a place to sit. I passed each table, looking for one that seemed relatively welcoming for the silent blind date I was about to initiate, and ended up sitting down with a lovely chap who made room for me at “his” table for two, and we both did our own thing.

As I sat there working, I couldn’t help but notice that many of the patrons around me were engrossed in some type of social media. It was an ironic picture; a room full of people, no one talking to each other, all focused on creating community through a glass screen.  Seeing this picture of everyone looking down at their gadgets, smiling at a device that can’t smile back, it got me thinking about relationships and the nuances between being alone and being lonely.

As noted in the above definitions of “alone” and “lonely,” the difference does not solely rest in physical circumstances. In other words, it’s not about what is happening around you, it’s about what’s happening inside of you.

You can be standing in a room full of people—even people who really love and care about you—and still feel lonely. Conversely, you can be alone on a hike and feel absolutely amazing. [Click here to keep reading…]

Five New Ways to Be in 2015 post image

Five New Ways to Be in 2015


Whenever this time of year rolls around and people are in “change mode,” it can feel confusing and unclear where to start.  Many people have the same New Year’s Resolutions  each year and feel disappointed in themselves that yet again, they feel back to square one in not making the changes they had hoped for. An action plan is good, but if you don’t examine the overarching message system in your head, you may find yourself continuing to be mystified by your lack of success.

We live in a culture that focuses on doing, not being, and New Years Resolutions tend to be about what you’re going to do. So perhaps this year you can include some aspirations of what you’re going to be.

Here are some things to consider:

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