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- This topic has 2 replies and was last updated 4 years, 5 months ago by
kaye.
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Anne Marie
Just want to ask other people’s opinion on second chances.
I had a college boyfriend (my only boyfriend ever), we dated for 7 years and lived together after university for 2 years. He broke up with me because he said we’ve grown apart. I accepted it because even before we broke up he’s been distant anyway and I felt excluded in his life. We still spoke after I moved out of our apartment for 2 months and I stopped responding to his ‘hows it going texts’ after that so I won’t miss him too much.
It’s been 8 months since we broke up and he texted to ask for a catch up. I’m not sure how to feel about it and I don’t know how to respond. I still love him but I also know from our friend that he dated someone briefly while we weren’t talking but that didn’t work out. I’m not sure about his intentions for a catch up and I’m afraid that he might just be lonely that’s why he’s reaching out. My friend says he’s been talking about me a lot and how he’s realizing he made a mistake of breaking up with me but I’m also not sure if it’s just because he failed in making the new relationship work.
Half of me wants to give him another chance. He was a great guy when we’re together (certainly before he started becoming distant in the last year) but half of me is also afraid that he might just be needing someone to fill a void and I’m not really the one he wants to be with… after all, he broke up with me.
To those who have tried to give a second chance, how did it start, what were your precautionary measures, and how did it turn out eventually?
Tallspicy
You are jumping way ahead! Calm down!
If you want to see him, see him. If you cannot don’t. However, if you go, have no expectations. Not of any additional meet ups or anything.
If he keeps showing up, start from the beginning. If at 3 dates he is showing up for real (consistent, leading) then say, why are you back? What are you thinking? Or make him woo you again like you don’t know each other… but his behavior to have you date him needs to be serious or tell him to shove off.
kaye
I’m with Tallspicy! He asked for a meet up, not a chance to reconcile and get back together! You are jumping WAY ahead here! You are treating it as if simply contacting you means he wants a second chance. He hasn’t said that!! If you were together for 9 years of course he misses you and the companionship. Maybe he did think the grass was greener and over these 8 months he realizes he lost a good thing. But until you hear those words from HIS mouth and not your friends it means nothing.
I do believe no contact works and since you’ve cut him out of your life, he’s wondering what you’re up to. Probably wondering if you’re dating and have moved on. Truthfully if you still love him and want to get back together meeting up with him could set you back to square one and erase all the progress you have made in 8 months. And he truly could you want to catch up as friends since you were such a big part of his life for so long.
As far as second chances, yes I have been there. My husband and I had broken up when we were dating and we reconciled and obviously married! He made the effort to see me, he made it clear he wanted us back together and to give it another try and we talked over what didn’t work the first time and why this would be different. We both dated other people while we were broken up and realized we wanted to be together. But it’s not easy and a lot of reconciliations don’t work because all the things which didn’t work before are still there. Ours worked because he was dedicating 80-100 hours a week to his business and was a workaholic and he realized it’s the reason he never had remarried in 17 years so he was willing to make changes for me. Changes he had been willing to make for anyone else before.
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