Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Feeling overwhelmed and drained most of the time
- This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 3 months, 1 week ago by
mama.
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Victoria
To start off I think it’s a me issue.
I’ve been with my BF for 4 years now. We both love each other very much. Have ups and downs but mostly over silly things like unwashed coffee mugs, laundry and food. Mundane things. Usually arguments resolve itself within the hour and we’d laugh about it.
One year ago, I was treated unfairly at work, getting backstabbed against and most people took sides and played work politics. I had to endure for 8-10 months and was really unhappy. BF knew about it but been supportive and shoulder to cry on. I have now changed jobs and bought a new house on my own. I’m a lot happier in that sense.
However every since then, I feel like I have ‘PTSD’ from this horrible work place experience and ‘unfinished business’. Since then in a sense I feel more on fire, driven to do better than everyone else, am extremely hopefully for the future to become successful and I ‘hate people’ more. Not like hate people, but I doubt people’s intentions more and am more suspicious if someone treats me nice, I’m like Watch they are nice bc they want something from me. And I’m pushing myself really hard to pay off my house and get promoted and become the best version of myself.
I feel like I’m really harsh on myself to a point where I now feel irritated easily. My BF obvi notice and I feel like it affects him. I’m more short tempered and impatient. I done some online. Questionnaires but it’s not looking like I’m depressed. I know I’m not because I love getting up early and I plan my day/ week in advance. I’m always superbusy with work, home improvement/ renovations, meeting friends, meeting new colleague from my new work, seeing my parents, shopping for new outfits..etc it doesn’t sound like depression to me. I’m super hopeful for the future and my financial goals bc I know I’m doing extreme well for my age.
My mind is mostly going 100 miles per hour. Maybe anxiety??
Any how… I want to address my short temper and impatient issue? I tried doing it on my own saying to myself, next time I’m going stop and count to 3 . But everytime I’m to get angry, I don’t count to 3… I start taking my irritation on my bf over small things ( like he accidentally put the raw meat next to the bread, he didn’t do the dishes, he didn’t hang laundry, he clogged the drain…etc) and it’s not fair. I feel like a sh*t GF. I feel I need me time all the time and nowadays I couldn’t even sit and watch a movie, I just can’t concentrate when I’m thinking about reaching my life goals.
What’s wrong with me??? I’m actually concerned. BF is nothing but loving, forgives me everytime and helps me with my Reno all the time. I feel so lucky but yet I’m annoyed at little things. How can I be better for him?
Tammy
Maybe because your life feels too busy and fulled right now and there is no space physically emotionally and mentally in your life for a relationship? U hv mentioned so many thngs u luk forwrd to but ur relatnship doesn’t seem to feature anywhr?
Just think over things and try to figure if a steady bf and a committed relationship is also one of the things you want presently in your life?
Maddie
Office politics suck. But it does sound like there may be insecurity issues and not necessarily like it has anything to do with your boyfriend. If you ask yourself the questions Tammy asked and you still want to be in a relationship with your bf, then there’s also another question you can ask. It’s, do you have an insecure attachment style? Those can create either a drive for validation even outside of romantic relationships or projected feelings of distrust. They can also make it difficult to cope with stressful feelings because they keep you from fully processing them. You might keep yourself so busy in part as a distraction from dealing with stress. They can also cause some perfectionist and controlling / nitpicking tendencies (like the short temper with your bf for not doing things the “right” way all the time, though raw meat should always be handled properly so I get that lol), because at some point you may have learned mistakes were shameful and to be avoided instead of they’re an opportunity to learn, show compassion for yourself and others, and don’t always sweat the small stuff. Insecure attachment styles can also make it hard to stay present in your head, jumping instead to the past or the future.
That may not be the answer, but worth checking out because I think it’s more likely the source rather than depression. If it is an attachment style issue, you can definitely work to improve things, but how depends on which of the three styles you have. Otherwise if it’s not insecurity, then be honest with yourself about whether or not you’ve outgrown your relationship with your bf and make decisions from there.
mama
Springboarding from Maddie’s comment, it sounds like you could really benefit from unpacking all of this with a therapist/counselor. Also I want to point out that sometimes when we go through traumatic experiences, we are in survival mode. When it’s “over” our bodies and minds sort of release all the unprocessed emotions that we didn’t allow while we were surviving.
Give yourself some grace and kudos for wanting to work through this for your wellbeing and your relationship. And maybe schedule some fun time with the boyfriend so you guys can enjoy each other without all the household stuff getting in the way.
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