Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Chronic non-responder – not worth it?
- This topic has 10 replies and was last updated 4 years, 4 months ago by
Erin.
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Erin
I’ve currently been seeing this guy for about 6 months now. While we are together, things are amazingly good, and if it weren’t for this ONE THING, I would not have any doubts. But here is the thing. Guy is an artist, very prolific, but often secludes himself and doesn’t respond to ANYONE. literally anyone. He has a massive reputation in his field for ignoring emails, and he can be the same with texts. Sometimes he responds to me but if he is working on something he can be completely out of touch for like anywhere between three days and a week, sometimes longer. (and no, there is no cheating or anything like this, no secret other women. I am also an artist and our community is extremely small and things like that are known even if they are open secrets). I get he does this to everyone else, although i do think it is somewhat douchy behavior, since other prolific artists seem to manage to at least respond to emails, but it seems like to have a real romantic relationship he should be able to prioritize me over his sasquatch-ness. Should I just end it or am I being unreasonable?
Colleen
Hey, you picked him. If he wants to use the excuse of eccentric artist to ignore people or not take care of business, well that is who he is.
Raven
Is this the relationship you want?
He ain’t gonna change…Ss
It sounds like it’s something you are not willing to accept. You know he is like this and he isn’t going to change!
You seem to see this as a deal breaker. If it is then you should chuck this one back because you will just continue to be frustrated and unhappy
Newbie
Its really up to you if you can handle his going in his zone time. I know quite a few people who have/had artists as bf/gf/husbands and they were all equally frustrated about how difficult it could be to keep the relationship going. So at least youre not alone
Erin
Thanks, I think you are all right. I was kind of thinking i was being irrational and overreacting but as I said, I am an artist too, I understand hibernating for a while to work on a project as I do this also, but no other artists I know do it to this extreme. And it is absolutely true, it will never change. I have also dated many other artists and it was never quite like this.
So the question is, do I break it off officially, or just let him ghost me, which he inevitably will, and never send him a message, and let it naturally stop?
Andrea
Just tell him briefly that your communication needs aren’t being met and you’re moving on. No need to say anything more. Best believe he would never treat his dream woman like this in a million years.
Erin
Andrea, true – and this guy is 48 and has never been married or had a relationship that lasted longer than 2 years. So I am not sure his “dream” woman is even a reality.
Andrea
Men like him don’t HAVE to settle down anymore, because there’s an endless supply of women these days who will entertain their foolishness and make excuses for them.
Better off single
When you’re in a creative mode or focused on a project it really sucks and it’s sometimes really frustrating when some one knowingly or unknowingly interrupts the that thought process.
Sometimes ill get down right angry about it when cant have the time alone.
It really depends on the kind of person he is.
Do you trust him?
Does he seem like a loyal guy or so self absorbed picking out women he can easily dump after getting sex?
Does he spend consistent quality time with you or is it more like a text exchange relationship that won’t take off killing any kind of spark?He responds to you before anyone else…
Dream women never exist. Unless they change to be that woman. Then once he gets it he would dream up a different one.
Erin
There is almost NO texting in the relationship, we only see each other in person. If I ever text him, he will only reply with emojis, unless its to plan to meet, but he usually calls for that.
Its not so much that I don’t trust him, just it seems in a sense very emotionally unavailable.
You can’t work literally 24 hours a day for three weeks at a time, it isn’t impossible in that three weeks to send a single text message even with an emoji. He disappears sometimes to the point where I don’t even know if he is still alive.
I mean, he’s a great casual boyfriend but I don’t see it ever going farther than that, so unless I don’t want more I need to break it off I guess.
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