Home › Forums › The Community Lounge › Was it wrong to apologize?
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 1 week, 5 days ago by
Eric Charles.
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Michelle
I was having a great texting exchange with a guy and he was talking about buying a car and was going through some options, weighing them, the cost etc etc. At one point I said to him it’s kinda cute to see you overthinking this time. Because I’m always the overthinker and analyzer/anxious. He knows this. He responded ohh good I’m glad my pain brings you joy. I responded playfully, “you’re pretty”. I said no joy, if there was a problem yo I solve it and sent a gif of vanilla ice. I thought it was funny. He didn’t respond. I then asked if he was watching anything on tv tonight, he responds just the sky. I said see the moon? he responds no half an hour later. So I said I’m sorry if I poked fun at the overthinking. Wasn’t my intention. He didn’t respond and about half an hour later I just said Have a good night, sleep well. Was it wrong to have apologized? I felt like he was annoyed and I wanted to clear the air. Did I overreact?
Eric CharlesKeymasterHey Michelle,
If there’s a problem here, it’s not with whether or not you apologized…
Reading your message, it feels like you’re trying WAY too hard here…
As if you’re measuring every little thing you say and every little response from him…
And if that’s the case, that amount of pressure and need for everything to be perfect is going to kill any good attractive vibe the 2 of you because every step is so… filtered.
Contrast that against if you were in the headspace where this was a guy who you want but don’t “need” things to work out with…
As in, you like him, but whether things work out or not isn’t going to keep you up at night…
Ironically, you would naturally come off way more attractive because you’d be natural and flowing (and vibing) with the other person.
You wouldn’t worry about bumps in the road because you’d be mentally rooted in the bigger picture – they know I’m on their said and I know they’re on mine…
Michelle
So you’re telling me what I did was unattractive to him? I don’t understand. I was being playful, he shut down in which I perceived as being hurt. I apologized and that was wrong? I’m just trying to understand.
Michelle
Why couldn’t he have just said he was kidding as well or keep up the conversation when I said no joy in his pain or made a joke out of it?
Raven
He is a child. You dodged a bullet- NEXT!
Eric CharlesKeymasterHey Michelle,
I hear you—it’s confusing and frustrating when you’re trying to be playful and things suddenly feel off, especially when you care about the connection.
To answer your question directly: No, apologizing wasn’t “wrong.” It’s okay to clear the air if you sense tension.
But the bigger thing I’m noticing is how much pressure you’re putting on yourself (and maybe the whole situation) to make everything go perfectly. It feels like you’re almost afraid of messing up, and that’s making every little moment feel high-stakes.
I say this with kindness—when we care too much about “losing” someone or “getting it right,” we end up overthinking, chasing, and second-guessing ourselves.
That energy can make things feel forced for both people, even if your intentions are good.
Think about how you act with your closest friends: you don’t worry about every text or read into every pause.
You trust the connection and let things flow. The same principle makes romantic relationships work best—when you’re relaxed, authentic, and okay with things being imperfect sometimes.
It’s not about this one joke or apology.
It’s about being able to want something without feeling like you’ll fall apart if it doesn’t work out. That’s what lets the best version of you (and the relationship) show up.
– Eric
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