You’re Here Because You Want Him Back—But Nothing Has Worked Yet
Let’s be honest: you’re not reading this because you want another pile of “tips” that leave you feeling worse, more anxious, or even more lost than before.
You’re here because you want real answers—not just to “cope” with your breakup or “move on,” but to actually get your ex back, for real, in a way that feels right and makes sense, not just in theory, but in your actual life.
If you’ve ever felt like every article, every YouTube video, every friend’s advice is just adding to your confusion…
If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking:
- “Why does every ‘get your ex back’ article sound exactly the same?”
- “Why does all the advice out there feel so generic—like it could never work for me, in my real life, with my real pain?”
- “Why is it so hard to actually do what they suggest, when I’m this heartbroken and scared?”
…then you are exactly where you need to be.
Why Does All The Advice Out There Leave You Feeling Hopeless?
You already know what it’s like:
You read another “No Contact Rule” checklist, but it just feels cold, robotic—or downright impossible when all you want is to text him, hear his voice, fix the pain.
You hear, “Work on yourself!” but nobody tells you how to actually do that when you’re up at 2 AM, your chest in knots, replaying every moment, terrified you’ve ruined your only chance.
You try to be strong, try to “let go”—but your mind keeps spinning:
What if he’s moved on for good?
What if it’s too late?
What if you’ve already made the mistakes that can’t be undone?
And here’s the hardest part: You know he’s out there, living his life—and deep down, you’re scared that you’re slipping further and further from his mind with every passing day.
Why I’m Different—And Why This Is Going To Change Everything
I’m Eric Charles, and since 2002, I’ve been obsessed with one thing: What actually works to bring love back—not just what sounds good in a blog post, not what makes for a viral video, and definitely not what keeps you stuck in a loop of “healing” but never actually getting results.
I’ve spent over two decades helping thousands of women—women who felt “too far gone,” who were convinced they’d ruined their only shot, who thought they were “not enough,” “too broken” or “just plain unlovable”—to get real answers and real results in their love lives.
You’ve probably seen my work in Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Marie Claire, Vogue, HuffPost and more. But what matters isn’t credentials—it’s that I get it. I know how much it hurts when you want answers and the world just gives you platitudes.
Here’s what I’m going to give you:
Not another “tip.” Not a pep talk.
But a new way to see what’s really happening—so you know exactly what to do, when to do it and why it works.
Not just in theory, but in real life.
The Real Reason You’re Still Stuck (And Why That Changes Now)
Here’s the truth most “experts” will never tell you:
The problem isn’t you.
It’s the noise out there—the advice treadmill, the endless “hacks,” the surface-level games that never address what you’re really going through.
They don’t talk about how hard it is to be strong when you’re heartbroken.
They don’t talk about the terror of truly losing the love you want most.
They don’t talk about the doubts, the shame, the guilt, the voice in your head that says, “Maybe it’s just not possible for me—maybe I’ve messed up too much, maybe I’m just not enough.”
And worst of all, nobody tells you what to do when you actually want him back—not just “move on,” not just “love yourself,” but to get another chance and have it work.
That’s why you’re here.
Because you’re ready for the answer that finally makes it all make sense.
What Makes This Approach So Different—And Why It Works When Nothing Else Has
This isn’t about memorizing lines, playing mind games, or pretending to be “over it” when you’re falling apart inside.
This is about seeing the real, invisible pattern that happens after a breakup—and using it to your advantage, so you can finally stop feeling powerless and start seeing real progress.
I’m not here to sell you on “hope.” I’m here to show you how it actually works—even if you feel like you’ve lost your chance, even if you think he’s moved on, even if you’re convinced nothing could change his mind.
Because the reality is:
Getting your ex back is possible.
But only if you understand the emotional triggers and psychological patterns that make a man want to come back—and know how to move through them, step by step, without sabotaging yourself.
Imagine How Much Easier This Gets When You Finally Know What to Do
Picture this:
- You’re no longer battling the urge to text him or “check up” on what he’s doing—because you know the exact moves that put the power back in your hands.
- You wake up feeling lighter, more in control, because the confusion and self-doubt are finally gone.
- Your friends start to notice the change in you—your energy, your confidence, your “glow”—and he can’t help but notice either.
- When he does reach out, you know exactly what to say and do—no second guessing, no over-analyzing, no fear of messing it up.
- You see him missing you, wanting you, chasing you—because you’re finally triggering the right emotions in him, the ones that make him realize what he lost.
My Mission: Your Success, So You Can Live Your Best Life
I know how much pain, confusion and heartbreak can hold you back from your best life. I do this work because I want you to have your love life handled once and for all—and to help you turn heartbreak into your greatest breakthrough.
I want you to finally have the love life you really want, so you can get on with making the rest of your life great now, too.
I see so many people, men and women, held back from living their best life because the struggles in their love life block them from living their full potential (and enjoying full happiness).
I want you to have it all. I want you to have the love life you really want and, beyond that, I want you to get to live your best life.
I think the more people that have that, the better this world will be for everyone. So my mission is to help make that happen as much as I can.
And right now, my mission is to help you.
Here’s What You’ll Discover In This Mini-Masterclass
- The 7 Stages Your Ex Goes Through After A Breakup—and how to use them to your advantage
- The truth about “no contact”—and what nobody tells you about how to actually heal and become magnetic again
- How to stop sabotaging yourself with the wrong moves—and what to do instead, even if you feel like you’ve made every mistake
- The real mindset shift that changes everything—so you actually become the woman he regrets losing (and wants back for real)
- The step-by-step playbook for what to do, what to say and when—so you never have to wonder if you’re making the right move again
Let’s get started…
Introduction to Getting Your Ex Back
When it comes to getting your ex back, many people wonder if it’s even possible. And if it is, they question if following a method could really work for them.
I’ve been coaching people to achieve the love life they’ve always wanted for over 20 years now. I can tell you that getting your ex back is actually easier than it might seem, especially after a breakup.
It all comes down to having the right knowledge and strategy.
The truth is, when two people break up, things tend to follow a remarkably similar pattern. Because of this, what happens next is predictable.
If you understand these predictable patterns, you can use them to your advantage, even bending things in your favor to get your ex to come back and think it was all his idea.
For this to happen, you need both the knowledge and the ability to do the right things and avoid the wrong things.
That sounds simple, but after a breakup, everyone’s emotions are so raw that they often push you to do exactly the wrong things. Why? Because you’re suffering and reaching out for anything to try and feel better.
I understand this, and I have a lot of compassion for it. However, this book is about getting your ex back, and I have to tell you what really works and what doesn’t.
If I sugarcoat the truth, it’s a disservice to you. More than anything, I’m here to help you succeed and get the results you want.
The 7 Stages the Dumper Goes Through
Let’s talk about one of the most important patterns to understand in a breakup.
When one person dumps the other, there are seven stages the dumper goes through afterward.
I’ll generally talk about the breakup assuming he dumped you. If you dumped him, everything in this book is still worth reading, but getting him back is usually easier and faster if you were the one who ended it.
Usually, it just takes saying you’re sorry and admitting you made a mistake.
That said, if you dumped him and want him back, I’d encourage you to really introspect deeply as I go through these stages. Mainly, I want you to get clear on whether you want him back because you feel lonely and insecure right now, or if it’s truly because you’re a great match and bring out the best in each other.
So let’s talk about these seven stages the dumper goes through after a breakup.
Stage 1: Relief (Days 1-3)
After a breakup, both people have mixed feelings. On the dumper’s side, he likely felt the need to break up for a while.
He might have felt this way for days, weeks, or even months, but once he actually goes through with it, he feels a big sense of relief. It’s like a weight lifted off his shoulders. He finally did it. And even if it was painful and awful, it’s over and done with.
For the first one to three days, he’s feeling relief.
Stage 2: Elation (Days 4-7)
Next comes a feeling of elation, typically from days four through seven. At this point, he feels free. That weight is off his shoulders. There are no more problems or difficulties to deal with, and he can do whatever he wants.
His mind starts imagining all the things he could possibly do with this newfound freedom. Even if these things aren’t realistic, just the idea gives him a sense of euphoria and elation.
Stage 3: Reality Check (Days 8-14)
Then comes the reality check. On days 8 through 14, the initial high wears off. This is when your ex begins to face the full reality of being broken up and alone. It’s like the quiet after a party ends, where the silence feels loud. He starts to feel the loss after the breakup.
Stage 4: Loneliness (Days 15-21)
Then comes loneliness, from days 15 through 21. This is a critical point.
As we approach day 21, the breakup reaches what I call the three-week peak. This is when his loneliness really sets in. By now, the relationship has been over for three weeks, and all those active problems and drama have been absent.
As he feels this loneliness, it’s typical for the dumper to remember the good times from the relationship and look at everything through rose-colored glasses. We call this idealizing.
This is when he starts getting that gnawing feeling in his mind: Did I make a mistake?
Stage 5: Nostalgia (Days 22-24)
Next is increased feelings of nostalgia, occurring on days 22 through 24. He begins to reminisce more frequently about the good times you shared and starts to miss those moments deeply.
Stage 6: Doubt (Days 25-27)
Following the nostalgia phase, the dumper experiences a growing sense of doubt, typically from days 25 through 27. He starts to question his decision more seriously and wonders if breaking up was the right choice.
Stage 7: Confrontation of Loss (Days 28-30)
As you approach days 28 through 30, he’s really confronting the possibility of truly losing you. This is when he fully realizes the consequences of his decision and grapples with the fear that he may have lost you forever.
Common Misconceptions About Breakups
As you hear about those stages, it might be surprising because most people think that when someone dumps them, they’ve already made up their mind and moved on.
In fact, most people believe the longer time goes on, the less chance they have of getting back together because the other person will forget them.
This isn’t typically how it happens. As I shared in the seven stages the dumper goes through, you can see that if there are even the tiniest lingering feelings of doubt in him, they’re going to grow as long as you don’t interrupt the process. And that works tremendously in your favor for getting him back.
This is why so many programs and YouTube videos talk about doing no contact after a breakup. It’s good advice because of the seven stages the dumper goes through.
However, just doing no contact on its own isn’t enough to get your ex back.
The Mindset Shift You Need To Get Him Back
Now, let’s talk about you during these 30 days of no contact. Here’s a dirty little secret every relationship coach knows about getting your ex back. Everyone has their fancy programs with buzzword terms and cool techniques.
And don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of great psychological tools to help get your ex back.
But the big secret of what you need to do during no contact is actually quite simple. What is it? The key is that you have to genuinely, emotionally move on.
I want you to really think about what I’m saying here. You’re reading a book about getting your ex back, so you might think I’m crazy, telling you that the big secret is to emotionally move on from your relationship.
If you want him back, how can you move on?
The Distinction to Understand
Yes, I’m going to tell you how to get your ex back, but you need a specific perspective on this.
From now on, realize that you’re not getting your old relationship back. If something’s going to happen, it’s because you’ve started a new relationship with him.
The first step towards really moving on emotionally is accepting that the relationship you had with him is over.
Over and gone. That relationship is dead and buried. I don’t mean to be harsh, but you need to accept it to reconnect with your own inner peace.
If you feel like you have to save and repair that relationship, you’ll be tense and hectic the entire time. You’ll never be able to relax. You’ll constantly feel like you’re walking a tightrope, trying to do everything perfectly and not screw up your chance of getting your ex back.
You can’t look at it like that.
On the other hand, if you accept the reality that the relationship is truly over, yes, it’s sad, and it’s appropriate to take time to grieve that loss. There’s nothing wrong with that. Grieving the loss is healthy and appropriate because it’s a transition into acceptance and realigning yourself with a new reality.
The No Contact Period Is Active Time
You need these 30 days of no contact with your ex to be active days, where you’re becoming better and better. You know your ex is going through those seven stages, so you can rest assured that process is working in your favor. You don’t have to worry about it, but to move on emotionally, you need to be proactive in that process.
The first step is becoming clear, carefree, and the most attractive version of yourself (inside and out), which we’ll get into next.
Restoring Your Inner Peace After a Breakup
The secret to being clear inside is what I call being unreactive or undisturbed. It doesn’t mean denying or suppressing negative feelings. It means you’re willing to face and be with anything that comes up inside you.
You don’t run from shadows in your mind. When difficult thoughts show up, instead of reacting or feeding into them, you just sit with them and observe them like passing clouds.
You soak your awareness into them, but not in your head. Instead, you focus on the body’s sensations of these emotions. You experience them as sensations and stay out of your head. Your awareness should be “bigger” than anything that arises within you.
Don’t be inside your thoughts and feelings driven by them. You, the true you, are the awareness that soaks into everything that arises, like watching a campfire. You are not the fire; you watch the fire and feel its warmth. You don’t stand in the fire, or you’ll get burned.
You are not the “little me” running around, trying to get what you want, be perfect, succeed at everything, control everything and make your outside life perfect, or else you’re an emotional wreck.
You are the “big me.” You are the awareness that’s already whole and complete. You are in touch with the goodness of every moment, even now, no matter what’s happening. This means, whatever thoughts or feelings come up around your ex, you can flow with them and not go into a downward spiral of negative reactions.
It also means that you won’t feed into unhelpful negative thinking, trying to fix or figure things out. You might ask, what is unhelpful negative thinking? If it’s you thinking thoughts about your ex, the relationship, the breakup, or what went wrong, it’s unhelpful, negative thinking.
Those thoughts and feelings will come up. We don’t have a choice over that, and it’s not a problem. Where you do have a choice, and where this approach comes in, is choosing not to feed into the thinking.
You stay out of your head. Instead, you go into the sensations that arise as these thoughts or feelings come up. As a practice, you scan your body and go into the sensations that play out. You observe the moving and flowing of those sensations and just soak your attention into it.
The Healing Power of This Process
This process, for whatever reason, is tremendously helpful in supporting your subconscious healing. On the surface, you’ll just feel like you’re tuning into your body’s sensations, tracking their movement and staying with them, while staying out of your head.
But in your subconscious mind, you are processing and healing these emotions.
I want to point out that you may have always suspected that when your mind gets hectic and goes in circles, it doesn’t accomplish much.
Well, it’s true.
The conscious mind is actually a tiny portion of your brain’s intelligence. Your subconscious mind is the true driver of your life and emotions. The big insight here is that your body and body sensations are a lot more primal than your conscious thinking mind.
So when you go into the body sensations directly and stay out of your head, you’re operating on a level much closer to your subconscious mind. This is why this approach is so healing.
You’re accessing a gateway into your subconscious mind and bringing your awareness. You’re bringing a healing light into your inner world, so to speak.
I apologize if any of that sounded a bit woo woo or new age. It’s important to me that I keep all my material as practical and scientifically grounded as possible. But to give you a nuanced and precise description, I explained it the best way I know how. And sometimes that can come off like I’m speaking to you while sitting on a meditation cushion or something.
The Goal During No Contact
To tie this section up, the goal for you during this no contact period is to emotionally move on. You must make peace with the relationship being over. Accept that you’re single now, and embrace it.
If you’re holding on to hope, clinging to the mindset of not wanting to lose him, this keeps you stuck. You’re not improving, and you’re not increasing the energy that would attract him back.
So, once and for all, you need to let that relationship go and let that story go. That story is over. And frankly, that’s not a bad thing. If the relationship you had was perfect, it wouldn’t have ended in a breakup.
The goal is not to get that relationship back. The goal is to get a new relationship, if possible, and ensure that new relationship is built to stand the test of time.
Using Journaling to Evolve Your Thoughts
Now, you might find certain persistent thoughts haunting your mind, relentlessly coming up. You still want to use the technique of going into the sensations, but there’s another tool for those heavy-duty scenarios when you need to clear your mind of particularly relentless thoughts. Instead of letting thoughts pin you down and keep looping, step into a proactive role to face them.
I’ve been a big proponent of journaling since I was a teenager. To this day, I still write in my journal to help me sort out my thoughts and find my way forward.
Part of the reason I’m good at this work is because I’ve been a lifelong journaler. I’ve become very familiar with navigating difficult emotions, putting them into words and clearing them. But anybody can do this.
And if you’ve never done it before, a breakup is the perfect occasion to start using this as a technique. I don’t want to be super formal about this. All I’ll say is, if your thoughts are being relentless, you’re better off sitting down with a journal and writing out your thoughts.
The first five minutes might suck. It might feel like you can’t get anything useful down on paper and it just feels like a waste of time. For those first five minutes, the only goal is to just start writing and get into motion. Usually after that, the thoughts unlock and start flowing freely.
The magic of journaling is that when thoughts flow out of our head onto the page, it frees up space in our mind to think beyond the point it kept looping on. So you go from having a mind that’s been running in circles to being able to evolve your thinking and get to useful insights that will actually clear your mind.
Breakups usually bring up a lot of difficult emotions. So, if you end up journaling for hours, there’s nothing wrong with that. During the most difficult times in my life, I spent several hours over several days writing about it. And afterwards, I was clear again. I felt good again.
So it’s good to have a technique to evolve your thoughts if your mind is being particularly relentless.
Embracing Life as a Happy Single Woman
Now, let’s get back to the topic of moving on emotionally. We talked about how you’ve accepted your breakup and that the relationship is over. This means you’re a single woman. And if you’re single, it makes sense to be a happy single woman.
You want to embrace life as a happy, hot, single woman.
This post-breakup time where you’re doing no contact should be like a glow-up story for you. If you’re laying around in bed and on the sofa in pajamas eating tubs of ice cream, you’re not going to feel particularly inspired. You won’t think about your future and feel like you’re getting better and better with so much to look forward to.
You’ll feel like crap, attempt to comfort yourself all day and go to bed feeling even worse than the day before.
This needs to be proactive time, and I want you to go all in. Fill up every crack of time you have in your schedule with activities that will lift you up, not drag you down.
Giving Yourself a Makeover
This includes giving yourself a full makeover. I’m talking about makeup, hair, new clothes, all that stuff.
This is about you feeling good and sending a powerful message to your mind: I’m hot. I’m desirable. I look good.
We need you to move on emotionally, and that means doing everything we can to make you feel good.
Diet and Exercise
This also includes diet and exercise. Now, look, I’m the kind of guy who reads ingredient labels on everything and obsesses over the produce I buy.
I don’t want to sound obnoxious when I share that; it’s just how I am. But I don’t expect other people to be like that. In fact, I’m the oddball in my family who obsesses over food like that. Everyone else is cool eating whatever, but I find it fun. Yes, I want to be healthy, but making it about a hunt for clean ingredients takes the focus off it being a diet and makes it more like a fun game.
I approach my lifestyle with the mindset that eating clean and healthy foods is a fun byproduct of how I think of food overall. That’s all I really want to say about diet.
Developing Consistent Exercise Habits
As for exercise, I have a similar approach. I exercise every day and love it as part of my life. I didn’t used to be this disciplined or consistent, though. In fact, I always felt a little embarrassed and ashamed about my fitness cycle.
I would gain weight, hit a point where I couldn’t accept it, psych myself up, go all in on working out, get back into good shape, feel great, then start sliding off my workout routine until I finally fell off the horse and the cycle repeated. The big change in my exercise life had nothing to do with exercise itself.
I reached a point where I wanted to be disciplined and consistent with exercise. I wanted to know I was the kind of person who could be disciplined.
This inspiration came from a female friend of mine. She’s a business owner and quite successful. She fills her day with so much. Not only does she run her business and put in a full workday, but she goes to the gym every day for at least an hour, spends at least an hour learning a new language and at least a couple of hours reading a book for self-improvement.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a hard worker, but when I looked at the discipline and consistency she brings to her everyday life, I said, I want that discipline for myself. So I used exercise as my stage to practice discipline.
The experiment was about gaining the power of discipline, not about the exercise itself and not about achieving a particular body or level of fitness.
As I took action to honor my goal of being disciplined, something interesting happened. I was proud of myself for honoring my discipline, and that formed a virtuous cycle. I wanted the discipline, I took action and I felt proud of myself.
Before you know it, after a few weeks of this, I came to love having that discipline and pride in myself. When those old thoughts of, “I don’t feel like it” or “I could skip today started coming up,” a new feeling was there. I didn’t want to miss out on that pride. I didn’t want to miss out on that discipline. That shifted my relationship with exercise.
Here’s why I share all of this: Exercise is great for your health and your mind. There are countless studies showing how exercise is as effective or more effective than any antidepressant out there. And if you’re going through a tough time, why would you deny that to yourself?
I know myself well enough to know that when I’m not regularly exercising, I’m not at my best. My mood is not at its best and my mental clarity is not at its best.
If you’ve gone through a breakup and want to get your ex back, this is about being at your best. So, to tie this off, if you want to be at your best, exercise is part of that equation.
Surrounding Yourself with Uplifting People
That brings me to another thought.
That female friend with the discipline who inspired me to step up my game reminds me. It’s so important to spend time with uplifting people after a breakup.
There are all sorts of people you can spend time with, but specific people are truly uplifting. Those are the people who you know love you. People who won’t dwell on negativity. People who you can have fun with and who genuinely want to see you do your best.
When you’re with these people, don’t talk about your ex or the breakup. Have fun with them and focus on positive things.
Engaging Interests and Hobbies
In general, fill up your life with engaging interests, hobbies and self-improvement. Rediscover old passions or try out new activities that excite you.
Whether it’s picking up a new hobby like painting, joining a dance class or diving into books you’ve always wanted to read, immerse yourself in things that bring you joy.
Engage in activities that challenge you and make you feel accomplished. This not only keeps you busy but also helps you grow as a person, making you more attractive and fulfilled.
The Importance of Dating
The last thing I’ll say is a bit controversial but important. During this time, you should go on dates. At least a couple. They don’t need to be with a guy you’re super into or have any strong feelings for. But nothing compares to the experience of going on a date with a new person to help you move on emotionally.
I’m just talking about a date. You don’t have to kiss him or anything like that, just a date.
If There’s Another Woman
Now, the last thing I want to talk about during this proactive time of no contact is the concern about other women. Women often say, “OK, this all sounds great, but what if he meets another woman? Or what if he’s seeing someone else while we’re in no contact?”
Well, the truth is, you guys are broken up and he very well could be. It’s within his rights to do so.
It’s unlikely he’ll meet a new woman and form a deep emotional bond with her right after a breakup. Usually, after a breakup, a guy has his defenses and armor up at maximum level. So even if he has some new woman around, it’s very unlikely that an emotional connection is forming. And if it’s with a woman he knew before the breakup happened, then that can be its own animal.
That could mean she was in the picture before the breakup and might have even contributed to it somehow. I don’t say that to upset you. My point is, we can’t sugarcoat the truth. If that’s what happened, it’s worth questioning if you even want to get back together with someone who would betray your trust like that.
Nonetheless, if another woman is in the picture, whether he knew her or not, there’s only one way to approach it: be undisturbed and unfazed.
If you react to the other woman in any other way, it doesn’t look good, to say the least. It puts his defenses up. It puts her defenses up. And it makes you look like you’re only going to bring drama to his life. Whereas if you’re unfazed and undisturbed by the other woman being there, you appear attractive, confident and high-value. It lowers their guard and you look good.
Outside of that, there’s nothing really to say about the other woman being in the picture. It’s none of your business, and you can only focus on your actions.
Actions to Get Your Ex Back
Now, let’s talk about what your actions will be to get your ex back.
Remember the seven stages the dumper goes through after a breakup? That’s where we should start. The fourth stage, which we call the three-week peak, is when he’s approaching 21 days. This is when feelings of nostalgia, idealizing you, missing you and wondering if he’s lost you start to overwhelm him.
The general rule is not to initiate contact with your ex for 30 days. Spend this time working on yourself, lifting your mood and attractiveness and emotionally moving on.
That means no contact for 30 days from your side. However, around day 21 after the breakup, he might feel so overwhelmed with his feelings about you that he starts to reach out. If he reaches out before the three-week peak, your best move is to blow him off.
Yes, I know that might sound crazy, but the best thing to do is say, Hey, I need some time to myself right now to process everything. I can’t talk to you right now. Why? Because if he’s reaching out before the three-week peak, his feelings of yearning for you will only grow. Let his emotions work on him for a few more days so he’s ready to pop by the time you do contact him.
Understanding the Three-Week Peak
If it’s been three weeks or more and he reaches out, then yes, you can respond. But it’s crucial to understand what this can look like. Getting this right makes everything much easier. Making a misstep here can drag the process on for months when getting it right could have him back in days.
Don’t Take The Bait
At the three-week peak, he’s overwhelmed with feelings of missing you and wondering if he’s lost you. But if he dumped you, there’s usually a bit of pride or shame there too. After a breakup, both people have a mix of emotions.
That pride or shame might keep him from reaching out directly. Instead, he might drop little bait to try and get you to reach out. What do I mean by bait? Maybe he starts watching your stories on Instagram or Snapchat. Maybe he drops likes or comments on your social media. Maybe if you’re in the same area, he “accidentally” runs into you at a place he knows you frequent.
All of this is bait. It’s designed to get on your radar without directly contacting you so that you hopefully reach out to him. Don’t take the bait. You want him to make direct contact with you.
It starts the communication on a much stronger footing in your favor.
The Big Idea: Do I Still Have Her?
Here’s the big idea. When a guy reaches out to you during the three-week peak, he misses you, but he also has a nagging question in his mind: Do I still have her? And I say “have her” in quotes. Do I still have her, or did I really lose her? Am I at risk of losing her? So when he talks to you, he’s going to be scanning to see if he still has you emotionally or not.
What do I mean by “has you”?
After a breakup, even though he dumped you, there’s a little thought in his mind that if he made a mistake, he could probably get you back. He thinks you probably still want him and the relationship. But after three weeks, he starts to doubt whether that is actually the case or if he was overconfident in that thought. He starts to fear that maybe he really lost you for real and wouldn’t be able to get you back even if he tried.
When I say he’s scanning to see if he still has you, he’s searching for reassurance that you’re still emotionally hooked on him and that there’s no threat of him losing you.
If you telegraph that’s the case, then his fear of losing you completely evaporates, and he can relax. Well, here’s the thing, you guys are broken up, so why shouldn’t he feel that he could lose you? I mean, you’re broken up, right? So, technically he doesn’t really have you. Why should you have your emotions hooked up on him after he declared an end to your relationship?
Why Many Women Telegraph He Still Has Her
It doesn’t make sense, but here’s why so many women eagerly telegraph that he still has her. What usually happens is the guy reaches out either through baiting her into contacting him or directly reaching out. And he tosses out the tiniest little breadcrumb to see if she goes for it, to see if she’s interested in getting back together.
And she gushes about how much she missed him and how she could never love another man. He’s the only guy she wants, and she wants to get back together.
She says all this because first off, it’s what she’s been feeling inside. She didn’t emotionally move on. She’s still hung up on the guy, and it’s almost like relieving a pressure valve to let all that stuff out. But beyond that, she thinks that if she lets him know how much she loves him and misses him, he’ll reciprocate, and they’ll get back together.
The Catastrophic Scenario
Unfortunately, this is not always the case. On some occasions, it is, and that’s no problem. But on many occasions, something else happens, something catastrophic to your chances of getting your ex back. So in this scenario, the woman gushes to her ex about how much she misses him and wants him back. And he says, I understand, but I need to be alone for a while. I can’t be in a relationship right now.
Her heart sinks, but she feels like at least they’re talking again and that this conversation is progress. Unfortunately, quite the opposite just occurred.
The guy who was afraid he might lose her has now been reassured that there is absolutely no chance of losing her. He completely still has her, and he knows that he can have her back at a moment’s notice if he says the word.
Well, let’s think about this. He had a motivation to break up in the first place. And maybe he thinks there’s something better out there for him. So now, with the knowledge that there’s nothing to fear, there’s no chance of losing you. Now he can go forth and play the field. He can date around and see what he can get. And if he can’t find a better option to date, he can always fall back on you as a kind of placeholder.
I hate to say it like that because it sounds harsh and cruel, but these things happen and I don’t want that for you.
How to Prevent This Situation
The only way to prevent it is to never put yourself in that position. This is why I say when this conversation happens, don’t take the bait and don’t telegraph that he still has you.
When you take the bait, it subtly telegraphs that he still has you. You’re not explicitly saying it out loud, but it’s enough to show that you were emotionally motivated to take his bait and use it as an opportunity to talk to him. So it’s pretty clear you wanted to get into contact with him and that you’re probably still hung up on him.
Fine, so what do you do?
Responding to His Probing
If the conversation brings up something designed to feel out or scan if he still has you, you can make a statement like this:
Well, the breakup was hard, but I realized that I’m single and that I need to accept it and find happiness in my life.
That statement is true. You’re not denying that the breakup was hard or pretending like it didn’t bother you, but you’re also declaring that you accept the reality and have emotionally moved on. You’re not saying it in a nasty way. If anything, you’re saying it calmly and respectfully to him with consideration.
Often, a statement like that can really shock and surprise the guy who thought it was a layup that he still had you. He might stammer some kind of hypothetical test to see if you wanted him back. Again, don’t take the bait. Don’t respond to vague hypotheticals about getting back together.
If he floats some kind of hypothetical, just ask him directly: Are you saying you want us to get back together? He’ll either have to directly say yes, in which case give him the floor to explain what he has in mind and let him do the work of getting back together. After all, you want him to own the process.
Or, if he mumbles something like, I don’t know, I was just wondering, you can say something equally vague and non-committal like, Yeah, I understand, without any further elaboration.
If He Hasn’t Reached Out
If he hasn’t reached out, you need to wait the full 30 days. Like I said before, after a breakup, everyone involved has a mix of emotions. He might have pride, shame, or other emotions holding him back from contacting you, even if part of him wants to. When it’s been 30 days, you can contact him, but make sure you’ve already accepted the breakup as the end.
It’s over, it’s been over, and there’s nothing to lose from here. You can’t screw it up, there’s nothing to screw up in the first place, and you don’t have him. Instead, this guy is an option in your life. You have other options in your life, but he’s one option for you.
Be Honest with Yourself
Before you make this contact, you need to be honest with yourself about whether you’re really ready.
If him saying he wants to stay broken up is going to shake you up and throw you off, you’re not ready.
If part of you wants to talk to him to get closure or understand what went wrong or try to fix things, you’re not ready.
If you are still holding on to hurts, upsets, grievances from the past, you’re not ready.
If you feel nervous about screwing up, failing or losing your love story with him, you’re not ready.
And finally, if desperation or fear is driving you, doing nothing would be better than saying anything. You need to have already truly let go, forgiven everything and moved on.
Again, it needs to be like he’s an option. You want to see what’s possible. If it’s not possible, that’s disappointing, but you’re OK, and you’ll be OK.
Initiating Communication
Now, let’s talk about what that communication is like. First off, you should stick to text. Text is great because you have time to think about your responses, and you won’t accidentally say the wrong thing reflexively.
That said, this is not casual chatting over text. You want to be intentional with the text you send. It’s about quality, not quantity. Your texts need to be rare. The fact that they’re scarce gives each text from you higher value. And you need to let the communication breathe.
Your job is to plant seeds and then give them room to grow. That’s critical.
The seeds you plant are meant to work on his emotions, and his emotions work on him. It’s indirect, so he doesn’t see it coming or resist it. That’s the big idea about all the communication. It’s indirect, it’s meant to stir his emotions and then those emotions do the work on him of making him want you back.
Testing the Waters
As I said in the beginning, you must test the waters because you don’t know what’s going on in his life. When I say test the waters, I mean that your first text needs to be a nothing text. No real emotional content. It still needs to be like a text that you would send, but not bring up anything that could possibly stir up emotions or a reaction in him.
It could be something like, Did you hear a new season of this show is coming out? Or, Did you hear that band you like is dropping a new album? Or, Did you hear that restaurant we used to go to all the time closed? Just something really light and unoffensive.
Why? Because you don’t know what’s going on in his life. By sending a text like this, you can hopefully gauge what might be going on.
He might tell you what’s been going on and you’ll be able to clearly see it’s not a good time to talk to him yet.
Or if he had negativity welled up, he might blow up on you right away, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I know it sounds bad, but if he has the opportunity to get it out of his system and you just gracefully allow him to vent that out without engaging or reacting to it, that might clear the way for him to show up a few days later and talk to you in a calmer and more receptive way.
And if his response is neutral or even good, then you know the coast is clear. That’s good enough for an initial text. Don’t double down and start hitting him with more messages. Just the one text to test his reaction is good for starters.
Sending Positive, Supportive Messages
After that, you move into sending light, positive, supportive messages.
Basically, you want to send him something that gives him a boost, but isn’t touching on emotional content having to do with your relationship. It’s more like, you know, who he is and what would give him a boost.
So a little message like that to help him out or support him can open the door for communication in general. Don’t overthink it. Just simple stuff. Maybe if he was studying for a certification, something like, Hey, I know your certification’s coming up soon. I know you’ll do great.
Or, I remember it’s your mom’s birthday coming up soon. I know you like to send her a card for that. Just thought I’d mention it in case it helps.
Simple, supportive stuff. Easy peasy.
Transitioning to Deeper Communication
As long as there’s not any major pushback from these, this is when you can start transitioning into communication that will start doing the heavy lifting for you. The idea is to lightly stir up feelings of missing you and being turned on by you.
The idea is to build his thirst, not quench it. Again, you’re planting seeds and then giving them room and space and time to grow. So, the idea is to send him texts that incidentally and indirectly remind him of the good times you and he shared together.
Using Sexual Attraction
Same for mixing in messages meant to turn him on. If you were good at turning him on in your relationship, then this is a good avenue for you.
Now, the purpose of this is not to make a hookup happen, and I should mention that you should not have sex with him if you’re not officially together again. That opens up a whole bunch of issues. If you’re reading this and already having sex with him, it’s a good idea to stop. If he asks why, you can just say it’s too painful right now. But anyway, if sex was a motivator for him in your relationship, then this is another tool you can use to motivate him to open up and come back to you.
The general idea with messages meant to turn him on is that you want to make him horny and let that horniness motivate him. You’d be surprised how a man can convince himself of almost anything being a good idea when he wants to get laid.
The basic idea is to get his attention, and when you know he just sent a fresh response and he’s right at his phone, you bring up a memory where you know he had a really good time.
You want to describe that sexual memory in a way that makes it easy for him to picture, see it, feel it and hear it. You want to make it clear that you thought of it and that it turned you on to think about it. It’s only natural that he’ll want to transition that into some kind of hookup, in many cases.
Balancing Sexual Memories
This is a delicate balance. You want to bring up sexual memories and how they turned you on, and how you want sex with him. But the magic ingredient here is that you want it, but you just can’t. It would hurt too much to have sex with him right now, while you’re broken up. You leave it there, and you let his mind work on that.
Again, these kinds of texts happen over the course of days. You show up and send these messages, and text for a little while, but then you cut things off. In general, you want to be the one to cut off the communication most of the time. The idea is just to push those buttons in his mind to get him remembering the good times with you or feeling turned on by you. Then you step away and let those seeds grow.
Remembering the Good Times
After you’ve been texting with him over the course of several days and generally getting positive responses, that’s when you can start mixing in remembering the good times in a more direct way.
You’re not saying, I want our relationship back. You just mention how you remembered the good times and how they felt. Again, you’re not saying I want you back or I want the relationship back. You are just acknowledging, I remembered this. It made me feel good. It was a good time.
And that’s generally how the communication can be with your ex.
Avoiding the Rush
A lot of people want to rush this process, but rushing is the worst thing you could do.
Rushing is the worst energy you can bring to something like this if you want to have powerful psychological influence on the other person.
If you’re impatient inside, if you’re hurrying and in a rush, the other person is going to feel that stress coming off your communication. It will put their guard up.
But if you’re living a life that you love, feeling great, and this guy is just an option in your happy, full, fulfilling life, then you’re able to relax and be carefree with texting him. You can have fun with it.
Keeping Communication Light
So it’s OK for your texting with him to generally stay in this arena of mentioning the good times and how they felt good, and occasionally visiting sexy memories to get him feeling horny towards you.
You can also mix in light messages too, so that it doesn’t feel too weird or calculated that all your texts are talking about emotional things.
But again, this is a game of quality, not quantity. He’s not your texting buddy that you get into chats with.
Deciding to Move Forward
Now, you might reach a point where you say, I’m ready to lock this in. I think he’s open to the possibility of us getting back together and I want to settle this once and for all. If we can’t, I can accept that. And if we can, I want it to happen. I’ll be OK either way. But I’m ready to settle this once and for all.
If you come to that place inside, then there’s a brand of texts that you can do that are heavy-duty and will probably tip him over if he’s on the fence about getting back together with you.
However, the reason I reserve talking about these until you’re at a point of wanting a final decision is that once you cross this line, they cross a point of no return.
While he might suspect that you’re back in contact because you’re still interested or something, he doesn’t necessarily know that you’re trying to get him back or that you’d even be open to it.
But these texts will kind of let that cat out of the bag. It doesn’t necessarily mean it will scare him off, but your cards will be on the table. I call these texts your confession texts.
These are where you lay it all out, where you say things like, When I think back on our relationship, it really taught me a lot. Then you talk about what you learned in the relationship.
Or, When I think back on the relationship, I really appreciated how you, and then you talk about the things you really appreciated about him and what he brought to your life.
The idea of these is it’s kind of like an open confessional, but it’s not a needy confessional. You are expressing gratitude and appreciation.
You are acknowledging something that was deeply impactful and moving for you and sharing that gratitude with him.
Oftentimes, this kind of mask-off communication can pull that same kind of thinking from him. It doesn’t necessarily mean he’s immediately going to say, let’s get back together, but it’s a big step in the right direction.
If he’s sharing his thoughts, unguarded appreciation for you and gratitude for all the great things in the relationship, that’s a much better place for you guys to be communicating from.
Plus, it’s a good headspace for him to be in where he feels that not only does he remember all these things he deeply appreciates about you and what you brought to his life, but that he can freely communicate them with you.
This helps dislodge anything that might still be standing in the way of him getting back together with you. And if his emotions are running high, that can be enough for him to work those things out within himself.
Avoiding Problem-Solving Conversations
Notice with all the communication stuff, I never talk about having a conversation to figure out what went wrong or solve the relationship problems or talk things out.
That’s absolutely not the energy we want to bring to get your ex back. Those kinds of direct conversations where it’s like you and he are on opposite sides of the negotiation table are the wrong energy.
They raise his defenses, they stir up the feelings where he needs to explain or justify himself, and it gets him thinking about all the reasons why he broke up and felt it was the right move to break up.
It’s all the wrong kind of thinking. You don’t want to light up those circuits in his mind.
You want to light up all those feel-good emotions in his mind about how things felt when they were at their best.
And so that’s why all this communication you do with him should be either revisiting feel-good memories or talking about your horniness and wanting of him sexually when you thought about a sexy memory.
Again, the idea is you stir up his emotions and let his emotions do the work on him.
Maintaining a Carefree Attitude
Now, the big idea with your ex is that you don’t know what’s possible or what could happen with him.
So you want to approach all of this with an attitude that’s carefree and playful, not pressured and hurried.
You’re curious and discovering every step of the way.
You’re never debating or trying to convince him of anything.
You’re never talking about baggage or problems.
You’re never arguing.
If he brings up anything, always agree with it and validate what he’s feeling and that you understand.
The idea here is you want to be non-resistant every step of the way.
Handling Bad Reactions
Now, because you’re going to be talking to him and pushing some emotional buttons, there might be times when he has a bad reaction. That’s just something that can happen. And again, you’re going to be non-resistant to bad reactions, but I don’t want you to apologize.
If he has a bad reaction, you don’t own that bad reaction. You didn’t intend to upset him. The most important thing to get across is “no harm intended.”
The reason I say don’t apologize is there’s something about apologies that makes it seem as if you committed a wrong, even when you did nothing wrong. It’s just not a good psychological trigger to hit.
By saying “no harm intended,” you get the most important message across, which is that you didn’t mean any harm, but you also didn’t implicitly own a wrong by apologizing.
Embracing Radical Allowance
Also, when it comes to your communication with him, you want to have an attitude of being radically allowing, permissive and forgiving of anything he wants to say or share in the communication. The best view is to have the perspective that everything he says is just venting and that he’s just blowing off steam as part of his process. Don’t take anything he says, good or bad, as written in stone.
Again, the big idea of communicating with your ex after the no contact period is that his emotions move him towards wanting you back. He eventually becomes so overwhelmed in these emotions that he directly tells you he wants the two of you to get back together.
How To Make Him Really Want You Back… (And Why You’re Closer Than You Think)
By now, you finally see the real pattern behind what brings an ex back—you know what to do (and why it works), step by step.
You’re already ahead of 99% of women who keep spinning their wheels, hoping, guessing or making the same mistakes over and over.
But let’s get real: This is just the beginning.
Imagine What’s Truly Possible Now…
You don’t just want to hear from him again.
You don’t just want to “get back together” for a week, only to fall apart again.
You want the real thing:
- A relationship that’s stronger than before: where he’s the one reaching out, putting in the effort, making you his priority—and you feel it every day.
- A love where you’re cherished, wanted, pursued: not just “back together,” but better together.
- Certainty, not anxiety: where you never have to second-guess where you stand, never have to walk on eggshells, never have to wonder if you’re “enough.”
Why Most Women Get Stuck—And Why That Won’t Be You
Here’s the secret:
Most women never get past the first stage. They either chase him away with neediness and fear, or they try to “play it cool” but never actually trigger the emotions that make him want them again.
But you now have the understanding—the real roadmap for what to do and how to do it—so you’re already in a stronger position than ever before.
The Next Step: Triggering His Deepest Emotional Drivers (So He Can’t Let You Go)
You have the understanding.
Now, imagine taking it to the next level—where you don’t just “hope” he comes back, but you know how to trigger the psychological and emotional drivers that make him feel pulled to you, unable to let you go.
Where you tap into his mind and heart in a way that’s irresistible—so he’s not just back, but he’s invested in making it last.
This is where most women miss out—because nobody teaches this.
But it’s the difference between a fragile “reunion”… and a love story that finally lasts.
Ready to discover the most powerful secrets of “emotional triggers”—so he practically begs to have you back?
One Last Thing Before You Go…
You came here searching for hope, for answers and for a real chance to get your love back.
I hope I’ve given you something even better—a new way to see yourself, your power and how much is actually possible for you.
If you’re done with heartbreak, confusion and endless advice that never delivers, this is your moment.
Handle this area once and for all—and step into the love, happiness and certainty you truly deserve.
You don’t need another list of “tips.”
You need the right lens—and the right moves. The rest becomes easy.
Ready for the next step?
👉 Discover the secrets that make all the difference—tap here now »
