I know I’m gonna get a lot of hate so here it goes…

Me and my good friend met up on Sunday night. Known each other for a long time, started becoming very different but we meet to talk non sense and chill and escape.

Anyway, she doesn’t do relationships and she sleeps around and does threesomes and gets STD from time to time. and yet she continues bc she finds it fun.

On Sunday, she wanted a one night stand, but her phone died so asked to use mine. I said ok, matched with a few guys and long story short got what she wanted that night/morning.

I didn’t delete the app and started talking to this guy. He’s nice and I thought I’m gonna delete this app anyway so might as well talk for 1h and delete. One thing lead to another, we’re still talking. But the picture is not me, it’s my friend. This guy seems very genuine and want to settle down and all and now wants to meet up.

I want to just ghost him. I don’t think I can bare the thought of telling him, my friend wanted a f**k but the app was on my phone. He likes my friend, not me. He finds my friend attractive not me.

We’ve talked on the phone 1 week now.

I know I’m a terrible person. So no need to tell me that. I’m sick to the stomach to have led him on.

My question is: do I tell him the truth before ghosting him or just ghost?

I’m 28. On dating app. Matched with someone really interesting yesterday. He’s honestly 10/10 just smoking hot and handsome. I’m pretty too, about average but eeeeee he’s honestly so sexy!

He’s 29. Anyway we’ve been messaging about food and random stuff since dinner time and all the way to midnight. Then switched to a calling each other and continued talking until 5am. Poor me I had to get up at 7am for work, I was dead haha but well worth it. We both didn’t wanna end the call.

He tried his hardest to stay up until 5am, he wanted to sleep since 3am. He ended the call at 5am because he’s tired. Anywayy… no sexting or anything inappropriate. Just hobbies, work and food and weekends plans and holiday.

He asked me to call him at 7am when I’m getting ready for work but no answer. I’ve not heard from him it’s now like 12pm.

Do you think he’s just tired?? or ghosting me? I mean obviously he’s tired. I’m tired too but I’m just so excited to talk to him again that I’m not tired and the 2 cups of coffee in the span of 3 hours didn’t help either.

He said he didn’t want any hookup, want to date and settle down and buy a house. He said his ex partied a lot, poss cheated on him, he was working and she was partying doing who knows what, and he couldn’t take it anymore. Not dated since for 1.5yr. But omg he’s honestly drop dead beautiful and a good guy… I just can’t believe he’sa good guy and not a f boy. Am I dreaming?

Someone please comment… anything. I’m getting butterflies and giggling like an idiot at work.

I posted a month and a half ago about a guy I have been seeing since September, and he stuck around through me losing my dad, I am 25 and he is 26 in the NYC area. I spent some time processing my feelings for him and I realized I missed him a lot and he asked me to be his girlfriend and I agreed. He told me I love you just last week. I invited him to a small beach vacation I have in June for a few nights. I think as his way of reciprocating, he told me he asked if he could bring a plus one to his cousin’s wedding in his hometown a week before I have this other planned family vacation. I was floored to be honest. He is from Florida, and is willing to pay for my plane ticket. I would be meeting his parents for the first time AND sleeping in their house all at once. It doesn’t help I work weekends and have to jump through hoops to get this confirmed off, a week before I have my own week off for vacation. I’m realizing its just too much right now. He did say if its more stressful than fun for this, there will be other chances for me to go to Florida and meet his family, and I am afraid it’s too much for me. I am worried he will be upset and mad about this but he did give me an out. I would like to go but we haven’t even slept in the same bed yet ourselves, and there’s too many unknowns. If maybe I have met his parents before in a more casual setting than staying at the house I would feel less stressed. How do I explain this to him? I was planning to just say I can’t get off the Friday before and its too difficult, and not mention all my hangups because I think it’ll make him upset. This is very new for me!!

I think its great he wants to introduce me to his whole family and I think it could be fun, but like, I’m worried even about me going number 2 at his parents house!!! lol

So I was talking to a guy I met at work.

We were talking for a little over a week- he was consistently calling and texting during that time. I would also reciprocate. Fast forward to a week after that. We messaged on Monday of last week, but he said he was at work and he didn’t call at his usual time. no biggie. the following day, I heard nothing from him. no call, no text. the day after that was the same thing. In my head I was thinking he lost interest or something so best to leave it alone. Against my better judgment, I messaged him, he said he was good and he was tied up at work but he would call me later that day. He did no such thing.

The following day I saw him at work, he said hi to me but then was trying to have a conversation, I didn’t entertain it. Later that day I saw him again and he was doing the same thing, my response was the same. He later called me, I missed the call and didn’t call him back till 2 days later. In all honesty I was thinking if it even made sense to call him back. When I did call back, we didn’t talk for long, he said he would call me back again. of course he didn’t call back. the following day I blocked him. But I am seriously trying to understand what happened cause this honestly struck me out of nowhere. and I think I have been ruminating on it because I dont know exactly what happened. what do you guys think?

The guy I was dating always kept me at a distance. No doubt we had a great connection, we were very similar in personality and compatibility was excellent, he also agreed. But he was Taking days to reply, spacing dates apart. Then he said he didn’t feel romantic but wanted to be friends (he isn’t sure if he will stay in uk long term)

We didn’t speak for 2 months then I got curious about whether he’d got a new job. He replied yes he had and told me he starts his job in 4 weeks, and then asked if I’d like to go get a drink with him. Met for the drink and once again we really get along. We ended up going have a spontaneous night went to a music gig.he was hugging me a lot and he was telling me how good it was to see me.

For the next 3 weeks, he was initiating conversation online sending me lots of memes and recipes etc. sometimes he would take several days to reply to my response. I got used to him messaging me regularly. Then he asked me to go play golf with him

Had a lovely day, got lunch. We were quite playful with each other. I noticed he was subtly touching me quite a lot including on my bum. Confusing.he talked about how he’s having a hard time working out whether he will stay in this country long term or whether he will just go back to Australia after a year or two. He’s been here 5 years but said he’s not sure he will stay here forever and he’s starting to feel pressure to go back

Parted ways, we kept in touch.one night he started texting me, he was showing a lot of interest in my artwork. Asked me to send his pics of my favourite work I’ve done. Sent them and he said ‘I’ll look at your artwork tomorrow! Speak soon :)’

He never replied again. Never reached out to me again. I accidentally called him on the app (genuine accent) and he didn’t pick up or acknowledge it.

I know he moved to start his new job, or was due to, but he gave me no update

I don’t know why he would just disappear again and I worry what that means about me. Does it mean he just has no respect for me?

I actually still like him but I didn’t show him this. I’m quite a lonely girl and it was nice to have some company for once

Let me preface this by saying that I have posted on this forum before, but want to be anonymous to keep things private. Here is some background information: My boyfriend and I are both in our thirties and live together. We have been together for 3 years. I have made it very clear from the beginning what I want/need in a relationship (want marriage, a family etc. and being in my late thirties, crunched a little on time). He has assured me that this is what he wants too and he wants a life and a future with me. Also, I’ll mention this because I do think it impacts things: I am a full time teacher and he has not worked for two years (wanted to switch jobs, but hasn’t been able to find what he wants/having a hard time with the career switch). I feel like I have been supportive of his situation and he is still able to pay for his half of things because of money he has saved so I don’t know how much I can really say. I feel like this situation has changed his behavior and how he treats me,

We have gone through good and bad in this relationship but I thought things were getting better. We moved to a larger apartment to have more space which I thought was helping. I also thought we were resolving conflict better. Then last night happened and I feel frustrated, hurt, and confused.

I am on spring break (much needed as a new teacher). The break had been going well, we celebrated our 3rd anniversary earlier in the week and I went to spend time with family for an event. My bf acted sweet, wanting to spend time cuddling and holding me the morning before I went. I thought everything was good. When I was with my family, he answered my calls but never texted or called me first, which isn’t alarming but unusual since he usually always checks in. I thought maybe he just needed a day or two to himself. We had no conflict over the phone.I came home last night a little later than planned but communicated to him when I was coming. It was 830 and I just wanted to eat my dinner and relax by watching some tv after a 45 minute drive. I wanted to watch the bachelor since I had been trying to watch the episode all week.

Little did I know what chaos would ensue. I know my boyfriend hates most reality tv and while I invite him to watch it sometimes/sit with me to watch it together, he is in no way forced, frequently leaves the room or does other things. We have two tvs so I am not keeping him from watching his own stuff. He threw what I would describe as a fit, initially acting like he was okay with watching it (reluctantly) and then saying he wasn’t. I said fine, why don’t we watch in separate rooms and watch the ghostbuster movie we’ve been planning to watch after. He complained that he didnt want to watch a movie in the “middle of the night” (the time would have been around 1030 I guess that’s now the middle of the night) and that he wanted to go to bed by 11 even though it was a friday night. Keep in mind, he regularly stays up until 12,1 etc, but will sometimes blame me for us being up “too late” since I am a bit of a night owl. If you choose to stay up with me watching a sporting event or movie that you want to see I dont see how that is my fault.

Unfortunately this isnt the first time we have fought over tv. He complains about me always picking shows to watch and I have offered compromises (watch on separate tvs, take turns picking shows or movies each night etc) and he still bitches. We do have stuff we like to watch together like our sports team, certain movies etc. I feel this is a completely stupid thing to be fighting about but in the case of last night he picked a fight again and took things way too far.

I went to the bedroom to change into my pjs and he was in there still huffy with his dinner turning on a movie. I basically said what is your problem? We were fine before I left, in fact you acted like you did not want me to leave. What gives? Are you cheating on me or something? (Yes, I realize this was out of line and I don’t believe that he is, but I just was fed up and this was ridiculous. The context was why are you acting so erratic)

He responded by saying No but I wish I did cheat. I said where the f did that come from? Why are you acting like such an a$$? He said shut the f up. I said no, you disrupted my night and came at me for no reason. He left and went out to his car (which he has done more than once but hasnt done in several months) and I did not see it in the parking lot. Proceeded to stay there and not answer my texts for 4 hours which just basically said this is messed up I dont understand why this is happening, Can you come inside and talk, etc. All he sent was one text about nobody gets to have an opinion other than you (referring to me).

He comes in after 3am and I am still awake and upset. I asked where he was, said he was out in his car. I said we need to talk about this tomorrow. This is not okay and I dont want to live my life like this. He said okay i guess we will talk tomorrow. Basically showed no remorse.

Several minutes later, I get in bed and turn on my show that I never got to watch thinking he is asleep since he is turned over and not moving. After a couple minutes of watching he says turn this show off or I am not going to stay here. I essentially said wtf I thought you were asleep and you arent watching, I am just trying to relax and get some sleep. Also you are not my dad. He said yeah I know your dad died years ago and no one has told you the word “no” since. I told him it was completely fucked up to bring up my dad like that and that no parent controls what their adult children watch and to drop it. That this was psycho and controlling. I turned on a different show and he went to sleep.

All of this messed up my night, potentially my day today as I have had very little sleep and my friend called about a car issue at 9 and I havent been able to get back to sleep. He is still sleeping but I need to have a conversation with him and need to make a decision about the relationship. I’ve invested a lot in this but need to find out what is really going on. I was wondering if anyone can offer advice or suggestions of what to say or ask him to find out the truth or what can be done about the relationship moving forward.

28. Single for a long time. I feel 10/10 good within myself. I have my life together, own place, good career, earning good money. I have a healthy relationship with myself, love myself, good friends circle. So all good.

I’m trying out the dating scene.

I matched with this guy on tinder for 2 days now. Conversation going really good. But he stays 95 miles away. He doesn’t like the city and won’t move out, whereas I live in the city, I breathe city and wont move to country side any time soon.

Therefore I feel like what’s the point of continue talking. But he is really interesting and fun to talk to.

Conversations are mostly, how’s your day going, talking about food, plans for weekend. He’s intelligent and seems to have his life together. I would like to meet him if he didn’t stay so far.

Problem: I want to keep talking to him on app, but I’m scared to meet up, in case I do like him then I have a problem… who’s travelling 100 miles (200 miles) each time to see each other? And do we do it weekly? 200 miles per week on top of my work commute of 200 miles per week is a lot…

If he asked to meet, it is rude to say let me think? I do want to meet up, but if he were to ask me today or tmr, I would need to think about it…. Is it weird to say this?

Call it raging hormones maybe, but I’m 22 years old and I’ve recently become attracted to manager. I think it’s more of a fantasy thing, but the idea of sleeping him really turns me on. We work at a restaurant and I go to college right now, so after I graduate it’s not like we’d ever have to see each other again. I guess things started happening between us when he found me crying at work (over issues unrelated to work) and he started giving me rides home. A few days ago, I kissed him spontaneously but apologized because being flirty is just in my nature. But then he pulled me back in and we made out for a bit before I said I had to go. He’s older than me by a good amount of years and is divorced, he told me his ex wife took their kids back to Illinois, so he’s alone. Like, literally alone. He only has his cat at home waiting for him.

I feel like even though I want it, it might be a bit taboo even for me. A part of me is like don’t do it because for what and the other really just wants to have a hot wild fling and remember it years down the line. I’m not sure if I should go through with that because I do feel it’s a bit Messed up to hook up with a man who already has two kids.

Been on tinder. Matched with this guy, talking for 2 days. I’m not really vibing with him but we did talk non stop for 2 days and had phone sex.

Anyway I didn’t ghost him, I told him I wanna focus on college.

He got mad and sent me messages like wasted his time, I’m not making sense, that everyone is like that..etc

He has my mobile number. He doesn’t know my exact location but knows my postcode.

Not met before.

I’m scared he would find me from my mobile. Or like post my mobile online and my name and photo and be like who’s she and where’s she?? What should I do? Have deleted tinder a together.

I have been with my new boyfriend for a month now, and we met in late January. He (36,M) is a civil engineer and I (34,F) am a kindergarten teacher. There are a few points I was thinking of discussing with him, I’m just wondering what the best approach would be to discuss what’s on my mind and to check in with him.
1. His use of advanced vocabulary: I admire and appreciate someone who has an extensive vocabulary. We are both self-proclaimed nerds and enjoy reading and discussing various topics. Ever since I met him I’ve noticed that he uses a very high level vocabulary in his regular conversations, even around his close friends and family such as his brother. This doesn’t bother me since I do understand what he’s saying. However, I do wonder if there’s ever going to be a time when he “lets his hair down” and relaxes with his vocabulary. There’s times when it’s just me and him lounging around and he’ll say things like “so and so opines…” or he’ll say to me “you’re just so even-keeled”. I’ve never heard him use slang words, which I do use sometimes. I’ll say things like “chill” or “sus” and I’d like to understand his approach to language/vocabulary just out of curiosity. I also don’t know if I’m being insensitive or if I should just let this go. I haven’t said anything to him about it so far. Maybe that’s the way he talks at work? I just don’t know.
2. Intimacy: I know that with a new partner, it takes time to find your groove. I’d like to find a way to talk about my preferences without making him feel bad since I do enjoy our intimate time. I would like to tell him I prefer more assertiveness and different positions. We tend to do missionary or me on top. Sometimes he’ll want to go from behind and while these are all very enjoyable positions, I want to tell him I’d like a little more “roughness” and a little harder. The first time we had sex, things were getting hot and heavy and at one point right after he put on the condom, he very bluntly asked me “do you need lube?”. I think he thought he was being considerate, which I do appreciate, but I found it a bit interesting that he didn’t think to ensure I was ready or do something to get me there, which I guess I could have said but since it was the first time I thought I would let it go and if it happened again I would bring it up. He has since discovered that I don’t need lube and hasn’t asked that again. I do want to check in about his preferences too, since I am open to feedback and improving intimacy for both of us.

I’ve been dating a guy since January and he and I said I love you last week. He had a friend die (of a brain tumor) and he said he didn’t think he was going to the memorial. Not an ex, just a friend. Well, I figured it would be like a quick trip. So I asked him if he was going when we were out of town last week. He said he wasn’t sure if he could get the PTO. A day or so later, he told me he was going–for 6 days. He asked if I was upset he didn’t invite me but it was all kinda last minute and I started a new move in my career today. I asked if he needed a ride to the airport and he said he was driving and parking there. I asked for him to keep in touch and text me when he got there–he didnt. He texted this am to wish me good luck at work. Around noon I texted him that I hope he was doing ok and I said I was busy but I love him. He hasn’t said anything all day. I texted hi and I wanted to tell him about my new work. He hasn’t texted back. The details seemed screwy, his family isn’t there, It’s not a place that he lived in but supposedly he’s staying with his cousin? Anyways, I’m trying to have empathy but I just don’t understand this whole thing. I get it, death is awful…but all these weird details just don’t add up. Am I overthinking? Why do I feel so off about this trip?

Help. I’ve contacted an ex to meet up for closure…I’m engaged to someone else. I just had this irresistible pull I can’t describe and NO it’s not about sex. Ex is someone who has his life together and my fiancé does not. And I crave a life that doesn’t have a million problems to solve. And me and ex were friends for years after breaking up. I simply got rid of ex when I started dating my now fiancé, whom I love dearly. But ex has an attraction where his life is easy. No kids. No ex drama. Has money, his own place. Help – I don’t even know why I’m creating this post TBH….

Hey All,
I’ve been dating a guy for two months. We’ve not had a conversation about whether or not we are exclusive. But we talk and/or text multiple times a day, see each other at least once a week and have had a romantic weekend away together. Our friends know about each other but we haven’t introduced them yet (with the exception of my best friend.) His one friend even texted him the other day asking if we were around to hang out and he referred to me by name. This past week I’ve been getting some mixed signals though. The substance of the texts has been a little different on his end (not as flirty) and for the first time ever in our relationship he didn’t make plans with me before I left him after our date this week. But then at the same time before I left his place he woke me up with breakfast in bed and also talked to me about what I wanted to do for our next weekend away and about a future trip he wants to take with our kids (who haven’t met yet.) He also told me about a conversation he had with someone where they called me his “girlfriend” and he didn’t say that he corrected them. I just have a weird vibe right now. His good morning text this morning was shorter than usual too which is what prompted me to post here. I’m not asking you all to figure out what he’s thinking or anything. Obviously you don’t know him so how would you know/that’s my job to do if I decide I need to know. My real question is – do we have to have the “what are we” conversation for me to no longer be single? I know I want to have that conversation eventually but I don’t know that I want the title quite yet so I don’t want to have the conversation yet. Just wondering if I should be dating other people right now or what. Sorry, I’ve been out of the game a long time.

Thanks so much for reading.

My ex and I broke up 9 months ago, after 3 years together. He was physically abusive towards me. We had a flat together which we rented for the last 2 years of our relationship. I never involved the police nor family or friends, but I’m safe and away from him now. I went to therapy and fell back in love with my life.

The problem is my new boyfriend. He plays on the same soccer team as my ex and I met him through my ex. He sent me something on social media and we got chatting from there. We get on so well, we have made longer term plans and I feel he’s the one.

My ex and current boyfriend aren’t friends as such, they play together but don’t socialise outside of the sport. It’s more the mutual friends that are involved we worry about. I don’t want to lose him over my ex kicking off, and getting people involved (he spun the break up as my fault) so we are keeping things on the quiet for now.

We’ve said it’s not the ideal way to meet, but there was no overlap and we don’t feel we’ve done anything wrong.

Does this have any chance of working out? It just feels it could get messy quite quickly, but I’ve never been so sure of what I want :(

Preface: Boyfriend and i have been together for 2 years, moved in after 5 months. I’m 33, he’s 32. We both have anxious attachment styles, polar opposites but totally the same in other ways. We’ve had a lot of ups and a lot of downs but there is definitely a lot of love here

Fast forward to yesterday: I’m looking at getting a new car this year, and it would benefit me greatly to do so as i want to upgrade to an SUV from a sports car. I, at this stage in my life, want to start planning for my future etc etc.

I mentioned to him that while i’m making this change, i want to make sure it fits our future lifestyle as well (we have 2 big dogs, and if i have a baby this would be great) and he proceeded to tell me that i need to make this decision for me – he loves and appreciates that i want to think of us while i make this decision, but ultimately it should just be for me INCASE something happens in the future and i’m stuck with a car that i bought for us instead of myself

While i appreciate him ‘looking out for me’ as he says, i cant help but feel extremely hurt here. I absolutely voiced this to him. I said you’re thinking of us breaking up? He said he’s just a logical person, he thinks from logic and not from emotion. So logically he wants to make sure i’m taken care of.

I did tell him that by now, after two years and living together for majority of that time, that he should know where he wants our relationship to go. He should have some mental plan in place, and this one foot in one foot out mentality is extremely hurtful

He responded with “Dont you understand that I AM looking out for you, and thinking about you, I’m not sitting here trying to swindle you into a car that would be good for our life, and then we break up and you’re left with something you didn’t want”

He told me he wants to be with me, he wants to have a life with me, he’s just a logical guy and “50% of relationships fail, i’m a realist”

I told him I’m tired of him thinking this way, that he should be giving me reassurance and not leaving me hanging with this one in one out mentality. He said he’s never seen a relationship last, he never grew up with parents who stuck it out (as my parents are still together) and any of his past relationships have failed

I said you’re comparing your past to us – that was them this is us

I understand his mentality, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt me

Should this be a serious serious red flag for me? I know he loves me, he shows me he does, and i do believe he wants to be together and that’s where we’re headed BUT – him not being 100% in (he says we’re just wired differently when it comes to this subject) should be something i need to reconsider? He’s had this type of logical mentality about basically everything not just us, so i just wonder what y’alls opinions are about this

Hi, I have been devastated since splitting with my partner after 6 years. She is a kind and balanced person. Whereby gradually I slipped into depression and negativity. We moved to a new place and lived there for 2 years and although I would slag the little town off, it was really me and my issues. I think we never really sat down and dealt with the problems until at Christmas when I caused a scene in front of her daughter and that was the last straw. I understand why she wanted to be on her own. I wish things could have been different, but I was really struggling and as I said things kept being swept under the carpet.
It’s been 3 months with no contact, bar a quick polite exchange when I passed on a message. My confidence is shot, but I have been trying to work on myself and been seeing a therapist every week. I am also on 40 mg of Fluoxetine which does make me quite sleepy.
I know that’s once we moved I’d given up on so many things that along with my low moods we didn’t have much of a relationship anymore. Of course I see things differently now.She, like me is in her 50s. Had previously been in a long marriage with 3 adult children. Menopause and other crisis outside of out control added to the stress. I’d love to be back with the woman I love and I know that sounds like a ridiculous idea probably. What does anyone think?
I

My boyfriend is Ukrainian and I am a Latina girl. We both go to a 97% Hispanic school so there are no Ukrainians there. He’s really friendly and has previously made me feel insecure about our relationship with how he behaves to other girls. Recently, we had a big argument because he thinks that I just want to argue with him over small things but really I just overthink and feel bad because of how friendly he is with other girls. Yesterday, there is a new student in our school and she’s a girl. She’s Ukrainian like him and when he found out about this – he kept asking things about her. He seemed TOO excited about her. I got jealous and worried which made him annoyed because he thinks I’m being insecure. We’ve talked about it and he reassured me that he only likes me but I still feel extremely paranoid about it. What should I do?

Hello.
How do you know for certain that someone is sincere? How do you know they mean it when they say they miss you?

Of course, I’m asking this because there is a guy. Late last year, some questionable stuff that I couldn’t prove happened (involving girls), and so I decided to cut him off early because of uncertainty. I had no proof, and he denied/defended everything of course. Note that he wasn’t officially my boyfriend and we weren’t sleeping together…we were just talking, having some romance, and he wanted me.

I resolved to start the new year without him, so I haven’t contacted him since 1st January. However, yesterday sent me an email, and last month around Valentine’s, he sent me a few emails, which I was strong enough to ignore. Note that I had blocked him on socials, he just found me through email.

He says he misses me and would be happy to hear from me. Keeping no contact is becoming too hard as I think of what could have been and could be. It’s taking me all my strength to not reply back, and at this point I’m losing my motivation for ghosting him.

But will I be delusional if I give him just one chance? Just one? How do I know the “I miss you” messages are real? What if we would have had a great relationship if I had given him a chance? Or should I break off the no-contact and tell him we just be friends? I feel so blinded right now and don’t know what to trust, which is why I’m turning to you for help.

I’ve been seeing a guy since January. In February he made it official we were “partners.” We usually see each other one day during the week and Sat & Sun nights and I look forward to it each week. I asked him what time should I come over and he wrote an hour later “I’ve been feeling a migraine coming on and I’m not up for company.” To me that sounds kinda harsh. It’s like just say you are sick or the real reason don’t say you can’t take ibuprofen and cancel because “you aren’t up for company” on one of our only nights. Do I have a right to feel annoyed with this? Am I overreacting?

My boyfriend and I are in our early 30s and have been together about 2 years. We moved in together after 1 year and things are going well. We are planing to buy a house in the next few months and talk often of marriage.

My issue is that he seems to want a lot of alone time. This is fine and I understand that people need that, I do sometimes as well. I just do not need as much. I work from home and he goes into the office. I also at least 2-3 nights in a full week go out with friends, go to a workout class or watch a show alone. So not only apart during the work day but sometimes after work or on weekends. When we are together things are good but I do feel like I do most of the planning and effort into doing things together.

He left this morning for a work trip where he will be gone all week so last night I poured us some wine and went in to spend time with him while he packed. He was packing last minute and was seeming very stressed so I was there to help. He seemed annoyed I was there towards the end and I thought went down to get another glass of wine. 20 mins later I go downstairs to see him watching something else. I let him know that upset me he didn’t communicate that and that I was trying to spend time together before he left. He got upset and said it wasn’t a big deal. We made up and he left for the trip. I have been feeling sick all day today (likely food poisoning from a sushi lunch) and he hasn’t really checked in.

All of this makes me upset because he doesn’t often do romantic things in general. I guess I just hoped he’d want to spend time together the night before he left. Or upon finding out I was sick would check in or even send me something via DoorDash. Or even leaving a cute note before he left. Those are the types of things I’ve done for him. I feel like I’ve mentioned small things like this in the past and he just doesn’t seem to do them back. He’s a good boyfriend. I trust him. And I know he loves me. I just wonder if this mismatch in expectations can work long term.

I have been talking to this guy for about 5 weeks now had two dates that went really well and he always talked about things we could do for future dates. He was texting at least once a day but with some depth (didn’t strike me as a big tester but maybe I misread that too). We had a date tentatively planned but he cancelled citing work stress – I know there is a lot going on at work as he has opened up about it. However, then texting reduced to a few sentences or a sentence a day. I eventually messaged him and said that i liked him but had noticed that he wasn’t as present, didn’t want to make any assumptions so would prefer if he just told me directly what was happening. I know l should not have done this but not been saying for a long time and also just feel like don’t waste my time be upfront and let’s move on.

He sent a long message apologising and said work stress and his health had taken a toll. He will tell me all about it when we see each other. We didn’t meet up that weekend as he wasn’t feeling well and I didn’t bring it up. Sunday he messaged to say he had gotten worse. I did what I previously did which was empathise, wished him speedy recovery and to let me know if he needed anything. Since then he still messages once a day – pretty much one sentence to give her an update on his health ( still not well thinks it might be Covid). Tuesday he sent a voice note apologising and saying it’s definitely Covid. I sent a voice note back saying I was sorry and got him to not worry about it, to get well soon and good night. Not heard from him all day Wednesday.

I’m not fretting anymore and not messaging him – giving him space to get better. But I think I know he has lost interest. I d am too ashamed to speak to my friends about it (don’t know I am ashamed) but I guess putting it out here is my way of rationalising it? Lord knows. Still thank you for taking time to read my thoughts.

Hello everyone! I hope you’re all well.

I have recently updated the forum’s software, as well as our anti-spam protections. Hopefully our visitors won’t notice anything different. But, if you notice things acting oddly or slowly, feel free to post a reply here.

If something in the forum is blocking you from posting, please try posting a reply here anyway. I’ll see an alert if there are failed attempts to post here.

On a related subject, it seems that the website was acting slowly during this past week, and may have prevented folks from reading or posting here. Hopefully the recent updates will clear that all up.

As always, thank you all for being here.

I will go straight to the point. I (29F) have been with my bf (30M) for 5 years. It’s been 3 whole years this man has been accusing me of cheating, yet he can’t tell me how or with whom I’m cheating with. It has come to a point where going places is a nightmare and I just rather stay home. During those three years I found out that HE was the one cheating. I broke up with him but our toddler made me reconsider and stay. But ever since he thinks I will seek revenge on him and will not stop accusing me. Everything is an argument. From the clothes I wear to even going to work. Apparently I have to be selective on the types of panties I wear too so it doesn’t say I’m attention seeking. He is the one who cheated yet I am the one that has to report my whereabouts. I did everything to help this relationship. I changed my number. I have no social media. I offer him my phone like an open book. I go to work, pick up my kid from day care and go straight home. I haven’t had a girls night in years. While he doesn’t tend to picking up our son, he goes straight from work to chilling with his buddies, comes home around 7:30pm. Will never give me his phone. He goes to all the shows and outings as he wishes. While I’m home, with the baby, doing chores. I have asked him to take me out sometimes and his excuse is, he doesn’t feel comfortable going out with me when someone I might be cheating on him with will see us and he’ll be the laughing stalk!! Like seriously!! I am the clown then if I have to show my face to the number of women out there he cheated on me with. I called that BS and tagged along to one of his chilling time and I think it was only to show me how out of place I felt in his circle. He paid no attention to me. Had his back turned the whole time. It was so awkward that I do not want to tag along with him anywhere. We only attend family events together. Also he expects me to be ready for sex whenever he seeks it but whenever I mention an emotional connection, or be touched in a non sexual way he says I don’t want sex because I am cheating. I am losing my sanity with this man and the only thing making me stick around is for the love of my son who absolutely adores his father. He doesn’t spend that much time with him as I would like but my son misses him I guess. But today we just had a moment when we just had sex last night and we were doing good. Told him I miss him and he said he misses me too. But during the day he texted me something about he doesn’t trust me and we had a trip planned for my birthday this June and he said he’s not up for doing anything like that anymore. I realized that I am just wasting my time with a person that doesn’t want to have a happy relationship. He will forever be this way no matter how good we are for a day. I can’t hang out with him, I can’t hang out with my friends. He doesn’t want an emotional connection with me so why are we even in a relationship?? He also says I am showing all the signs of cheating. Am I crazy?! Also we live together.

love my fiancé very much. But as I’m learning about relationships and reading about feminine and masculine energies and how a real relationship works, and what red flags to look out for, I’m starting to notice I didn’t see red flags in the beginning that I didn’t see because he and I started out as friends so, I wasn’t looking. But now, I can’t forget them. Like staying over the first night (NOT having sex he was respectful), him not having a place for dinner (but did have an activity planned), and him not planning dates for like the first 1.5 months. I would just go over and we’d have dinner in some crappy place and then he’d drive me home. And him lying about not talking to anyone before I came along. Then lying about his situation with his ex and their children. I didn’t realize how bad the situation was until 6 months in.
At that point I was helping him. But now it’s getting worse and I want out of that situation. At the same time I’m wondering if I was a rebound? I’m wondering if he wanted a relationship with me or I was being used to take his mind off people. Also him mentioning how I have no hips, for no reason, and then a week later mentioning how one of his situationships had an amazing body. He says he’s relaxed when he talks to me. And we were friends before. And I would show him pics of men. But we were dating at this point.
Anyway I’m torn now. Because had I not been attracted to him as a friend and been blinded by other tragedies happening in my life, I probably wouldn’t have been so tied to him as a comfort. And I can see that now. I can see my loneliness, my pain, my desire for a distraction was so strong I was blind to his actions even though people say they weren’t that bad. What do I do now?

I have been seeing a guy for a couple months. The past couple days he has hardly texted me at all. He has been on instagram. Today after not hearing anything from him since 8:00 the night before, to avoid me feeling contempt and for the sake of honesty I said
“I feel a little anxious when I haven’t heard from you for such a long period of time. I know you are busy but it would help me to send just a hi text here or there”

He said:
Sorry, phones on the floor a verboten, so it’s not as easy as just picking up the phone. Why anxious though?

I said:
“Just my feelings?”

He said:
“I’ll do what I can, but I can’t promise. Work is crazy and I don’t always have time”

This was 4 hours ago and he hasn’t texted me since he’s been home from work. We used to text all day every day.

He’s been on instagram in the meantime.

I’m supposed to spend the “evening and next night with him tomorrow”

He said I got to choose Fri-Sat night or sat-sun night. I said sat and sun. He wants to see me int the evening tomorrow, not most of the day.

I don’t know what to say from here. I was being honest about how I feel. I feel like at this point it would be nice to have had some reassurance.

What do you think?

I’m online dating.

A lot of people have said 3 dates maximum is when you know there’s chemistry but some people took ages even after 3 or 4 or 5 dates. Everyone is different.

So how long should I date a guy to know if I feel something?

Thanks

A

Am I the problem and cause of every relationship partner that I’ve ever had blindsided and ghosted me??

I’ve been in 5 relationships, and each have ended with me being heartbroken, confused, ghosted, and finding out there were an(other) woma(en).

First relationship lasted a year, even though was speaking prior for a year. He was my first everything. We communicated daily, saw one another frequently. He promised me he wanted to marry me and remain with me. ..that he loved me.. We had spoken the day prior to him ghosting me and everything was fine. He just ghosted me and disappeared. He was seeing another woman (eventually married).

We didn’t communicate for 3 years after ghosting me. Prior to marriage .He sent me a letter via postal and email saying how sorry he was for ghosting me, that he wanted to remain friends and work towards being together again….etc..even called my mom asking her advice.. we remained in contact for about 3 months off and on..out the blue he told me he wasn’t in love with me, that he never loved me, that he had pretended to like me because he felt sorry for me. That I was too tall, old looking, and ugly.

Another relationship lasted 5 years. .Basically the same pipe dreams and empty promises.. On the day prior to ghosting, we had agreed to going to therapy and working on our relationship…because we wanted to be married. I called him the next day to see what time he was coming over…and didn’t get an answer..I called multiple times…
Eventually a woman answered the phone, telling me that he never wanted me, that he’s been with her for awhile now, that I should have been lucky he pretended to love me because I was ugly and had nothing going for myself.. I heard his voice and him laughing in the background. Months later he apologizes and told me he really wanted to be with me. That the woman was just his cousin playing games, and that he told her he was depressed and didn’t want to talk to me..he claimed he had no idea she had done that.

I never believed him, and told him it was over. That I never wanted to hear from him again. Later that day, he posted pics of himself and another woman online…and he was showing off his proposal and engagement to her. That he was very excited to marry her. That she’s the love of his life. They married soon after. Anytime that he was caught cheating and talking to women on social media, he’s been telling her that it wasn’t him, that it was his ex(me) hacking his account, trying to break them up because she is still in love with him…(I had blocked both of them months ago after seeing the engagement) She then starts hitting up my phone leaving constant profanity filled offensive insulting angry voice-mails on my phone…warning me to stay away from him.

One time I answered told her that he was lying. That she shouldn’t be so quick to believe a person, especially talking about a person she’s never met nor had exchanges with. I told her she never should have known my name..as him and I aren’t in each other lives anymore.

I never answered again.

Another 5 relationship basically the same empty promises and pipe dreams..
Leading to him ghosting me, later admitting thar he never loved me and only felt sorry for me. .that I’m old, ugly, and have nothing going for myself.

He turned to be another gossiper and lie spreader. Denies that he ever dated me.. We hadn’t spoken for months after that…told his girlfriend (a woman I found out was in the picture all along while we were dating..eventually he married) lies about me. .
Told her that I was hacking his account, sending him messages, trying to ruin their relationship, told her that I was just a hoe he slept with once who caught feelings and won’t leave him alone. .etc… all lies. A little later I recieve a text from an anonymous number containing screenshots of her ranting on social media, threatening my life, telling me to stay away from her man, even had posted my complete address and name(he told her this information) saying how she was going to beat me up…the post generated a lot of comments from her family and friends ready to eagerly join her.

It’s been going on 10 years since that incident and the last time he and I last spoken.

Dated a guy for about a year. Same empty promises and pipe dreams. Before ghosting me, he admitted to never have felt anything for me. That he hadn’t meant it when he told me that he loved me. That he was just using me as a rebound and a placeholder, because his ex the mother of his child didn’t want him anymore..that he truly wanted to be with her.

That was 3 years ago.

Now….this guy that I’ve recently posted about…seems to be headed in the same direction..

Is it me?? Am I really the problem??

I’ve been on 2 dates with this guy, he’s lead both dates, the first one was a coffee date and the second was a lunch date, we had an idea of going crazy golf and he asked me what I liked to do. He cancelled this date but rescheduled for next week. But between dates he never calls or texts. Is this a problem even though it’s consistent and leading the dates? I said let’s book it on the 16th March then and he agreed. But if he cancels on this one again, I’m going to ditch him.

This guy who lives in my neighborhood and I started communicating and occassionally seeing each other in September 2023. We both are busy and don’t get to see each other often. He works 8-12 hours a day, and I am unemployed due to disability and I also am a caregiver for my sickly 92 year old mother.

Over the course of our dynamics, him and I have had problems and sometimes have cut communication with each other multiple times but so far have always ventured back to one another. In the time we’ve been communicating he expressed to me that he thinks I’m a nice person whose morals and virtues align with his, that he wants to eventually marry and start a family with. We both have expressed and exchanged feelings of fondness towards one another.

We’ve had xes twice and each time after, he cuts off communicating and has ghost me. The first time we had xes was 6 months ago..he ghosted me for a short while..and later apologized and said that it was due to him feeling insecure and questioning his size, performance, and capabilities. . We just had xes for the second time 3 days ago, and I haven’t heard from since, and he’s been ignoring my texts.. I have only texted him twice. Once to ask how he was feeling..the other to wish him a good day ahead.

Him ghosting me last time lasted for about 2 weeks.. then he texted me apologizing, saying he missed me and told me things were not okay with him and he questioned me if I had been satisfied.

Last week he had about 2 guys over for company…or so I thought.. I had asked a few minutes before I knew of his company, if he wanted to see me then..in which he never responded.that day..not even to tell me he’s busy…
I thought that was strange because he’s always asking to spend more time with me..even if it’s a quick hug.. He has left company before to see me for a hug.

I am almost certain that I saw him there with another woman as well and they were making out..
He swears that there are no other women..
During our breaks, on his way to and from work he often looks at my house as if hoping to see me.
Is he playing me, and perhaps only using me for sex, to fill voids of loneliness and ego boost???

One time during an argument he told me that he was meeting women online to give someone the love that I’ve never wanted, and he is going to focus on that. Later on, two weeks of not communicating, he texted me apologizing swearing that there weren’t other women, and that he was saying all of those things to make me jealous, and he knows that I care about him now because I was jealous . (I wasn’t)

Is that a red flag? Was he lying??

I do log onto social media sometimes, and his active status is always recently logged on.. seemingly leading to him being on and off the whole day…even when allegedly at work

Does he mean anything he tells me?? Are these red flags and should I end things once and for all??

Am I right to feel upset? My partner and I have been together for around a year and a half. He has two daughters in their thirties from a previous marriage, one is married with a child, and the other is getting married soon. I’ve always been supportive of their family time and have never felt jealous when they spend time together without me and have their father-daughter moments.

However, I am frustrated by a noticeable double standard in our relationship. When I mention something as simple as feeling cold, he dismisses me, accusing me of acting like a princess. Yet, if his daughters express the same discomfort, he goes out of his way to ensure they are warm and comfortable. This disparity extends further; when I accidentally upset him, his reactions are harsh and sometimes verbally abusive. In contrast, he avoids any conflict with his daughters, no matter the situation, choosing instead to suppress his feelings, which often results in him taking out his frustration on me. For example, he ignores it when they’re habitually late for everything, but if I’m late for 5 minutes, all hell breaks lose. He values their opinions over mine, even when our advice is identical.

Now, with his married daughter and granddaughter planning a visit next month, he insists we vacate our bedroom for them, despite having two other suitable guest rooms. Although he refers to the house as ‘ours,’ I’ve never felt like my opinion matters, particularly concerning our living arrangements.

I don’t think I’m being unreasonable. I’m happy to make space for visitors when needed, but I feel our bedroom should remain our private space. This decision was made without consulting me, highlighting a pattern of my views being overlooked. When I brought up whether his daughters would offer us their bedroom under similar circumstances, he admitted they wouldn’t, which reaffirms my preference for staying in a hotel rather than imposing on others. Truth be told, previously, when we were in town, we weren’t even allowed to stay at his other daughter’s place while she was away on vacation.

It seems like he’s always putting their needs above ours, affecting our relationship, and this pattern of prioritising their needs above ours isn’t new. Last Christmas, while visiting his mother, he made us move to a hotel mid-visit to make room for his married daughter. It seems he’s always willing to sacrifice our comfort for theirs, despite them being adults.

I suggested they could use our room when they visit next month, but I’d prefer not to sleep in the guest room and would rather return to my own home. This angered him, and he told me to stay away.