This topic contains 24 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by steve zali 5 months ago.
June 15, 2019 at 2:34 am #753739
I matched with this guy a couple of weeks ago when I first joined tinder. I ended up with many conversations over 25 at different stages as is normal. Some men are more engaging than a hello or so you like …?
This guy I responded to his second message his first was hello! and he replied with a none open reply. So I don’t respond. He then sent two more messages a day apart such as hey how is your Thursday etc then the next one was do you want to grab a drink? I responded to his drink question with a polite no thank you but thank you for asking. There is only so much time and some matches just are not engaging or like this guy just sending double or triple messages to someone that is obviously not interested.
He sent me this at 2am ! I feel like explaining to him why this happens and it’s not personal. Would you ?
This was his message –
Hi. I understand people have their own life with work and family.
I’m not on Tinder to waste mine or anybody time, but serious to find a suitable person.
I ask myself why do people on this dating site bother liking someone and then not replying or catching up. That makes me feel worthless, it’s so disappointing that others I’ve been match up with haven’t either replied or meet-up.June 15, 2019 at 2:39 am #753740
I wouldn’t respond, no, I’d unmatch him. I’m sure he is disappointed but if he can’t construct a message that cuts through the clutter, that’s his issue.
You can’t feel sorry for every sad case who tries to make their lack of success your problem – and believe me, there are loads out there.June 15, 2019 at 3:33 am #753742
So sad. And so typical. You judge a man based on text messaging and probably missed out meeting a really nice guy in person. Not everyone is so juvenile about text messaging.June 15, 2019 at 3:46 am #753743
Really you would go out with every man that asked you !? I don’t know about you but I work and have friends and interests. I do t have time to do 25+ dates in a couple of weeks do you ?
I’ve been dating for awhile and from experience if a person can’t engage in text and repeatedly sends how are you today texts over and over if you haven’t resounded to them yet then it’s not going to work ! Going out with them is wasting their time and mine.
Yes I judged him on his texting it’s the first step in communication on a dating site.June 15, 2019 at 3:50 am #753744
I’m not saying you go out with everyone who asks. But I am saying that communicating via text is the lowest form of communication. If you prefer to judge someone via a text, I still think you are probably screening out some great men who would rather communicate by phone and in person. You don’t have to match with 25 men at a time. That is your issue. You are also wasting the guys time by agreeing to match and then ignoring them. I think you just like the attention.June 15, 2019 at 3:52 am #753745
And if you are so confident in what you did I don’t understand why you are asking if you did the right thing. My response was no you did not, except like most women who post here, they don’t want real advice, they want people to agree with their decisions.June 15, 2019 at 4:05 am #753747
Please read my question. You have a habit of making assumptions in here.
MY question was should I respond to his long text about people wasting his time and it making him feel bad ? NOT if I should have given the guy a go! I’m sure he sent the same text to every other women that he indicated had also stopped responding to him or said no to a date.
I would explain to him it’s not personal but I don’t find we clicked online so I didn’t want to waste his time by accepting a date.
There are plenty of women that will empty his wallet with drinks and a meal, I’m not one of them. That is called wasting someone’s time not moving in from the text conversation.June 15, 2019 at 6:15 am #753751
I would not respond and just move on. It makes me laugh when people criticise others for judging how people text on online dating. I mean what else are you going to do? Then you get the whining about judging people based on photos. It makes no sense.
I wrote a short but humorous tinder profile that men could very easily engage with if they choose. Quite a few did but then others made no effort, so they would not get a response.
I agree with you, P, some you click with during the text stage and some you don’t, but this is all we have to go on at the time, so as you say unless you go out with every man that asks, what else will you base your decisions on?June 15, 2019 at 6:25 am #753752
It’s a manipulative message…June 15, 2019 at 9:39 am #753760
Why is it so darn difficult to converse with human kind today? What is the HARM of responding to him and maybe providing him with some insight that may help him achieve his goal better?
Why not send a simple response such as “Unfortunately, this is the downside of online dating. I can’t speak for others but I personally found your opening “hello” a turn off and looks like you’re just fishing instead of showing some actual interest in the lady you are responding too. I suggest you read a ladies profile, find something that you deem interesting, and lead with that such as “Hello, I noticed you like photography. What type of photos do you like to take?” and then go from there and maybe find a good locations, like a photo art gallery to take her too and see where it leads from there.
You have to understand men speak to women like they would a man. Men in general will often lead off with a ‘hello’ or “hey’ or ‘how are ya’ so they communicate online no differently than they do with any stranger or person they meet in real life. The difference is is that when in person they aren’t usually met with the same kind of disinterest and a conversation is more likely to take place v. outright rejection that online is known for. Some men haven’t been taught how to approach a lady and so they keep doing what they know.
Maybe, just maybe you might provide this guy some insight no one has taken the time to help him with? Again, what’s the harm?June 15, 2019 at 12:38 pm #753767
I met my boyfriend on Tinder. His first mesaage was “hello (my name). How are you?” I never got turned off by guys who did a simple, polite opener… but that’s me. Guys who just wrote “hey” were the ones, in my experience, who acted like players or were jaded. That obviously isn’t always the deal but just what I found.
You aren’t feeling it with this guy. That’s your perogative. I can’t see how telling him what you were considering messaging would be anything bad. He may be truly frustrated and a decent guy or he could be manipulative. You just don’t know but sending a simple response of it not being personal and not wanting to waste his or your time is polite. You can always unmatch after that.
It’s up to you but I’d bet you’d want a reply if it was you.June 15, 2019 at 6:56 pm #753776
I think you missed it. I did reply to his second message and sent back a message about one of his images asking where was it taken it looks interesting. His reply was a simple closed response.
I didn’t ignore him I just didn’t keep up the chat. I got other matches that were more interesting and I felt a better connection with. It like being a a party and meeting people. If a conversation is not flowing and you aren’t feeling it then you politely drift off.
This man then sent multiple messages over the following days of just hey or how is your day? With tinder you need to swipe on people that you may find a match so yes you can end up with lots of men trying to have a conversation some don’t talk to you. The idea is to see who you connect with.
This man didn’t take a small hint that we weren’t connecting he just kept trying to force me to talk to him. I would never want such a man in my life.
He asked me out after I didn’t reply several times. I was busy with work and yes on a date. I sent him a polite message to say thank you but no thank you. This is when he let loose and sent this at 2am ! Do I feel sorry for him a bit but he is not my responsibility. He came across as way to pushy. With messages I may not answer them for a day or two and other men are fine with that his response was to send multiple messages without waiting for a reply. Then accuse me of time wasting.June 15, 2019 at 7:55 pm #753778
If you feel this guy was pushy and something is maybe “off” with him, then use your best judgment. I took the situation as a guy who wanted to get to know you more but wasn’t particularly smooth. You are the one who had the interaction so I could be missing something :)June 15, 2019 at 8:05 pm #753779
I agree with Louise and Raven. The guy is being manipulative. His lack of success on Tinder isn’t your problem. He’s trying to suck you in by making you feel guilty for not replying. It’s definitely not a good way to enter into an interaction with someone online.
If you’re going to do online/app dating you need to have a tough skin. We’ve all been ghosted without explanation, had dates canceled for no apparent reason, etc. It’s tough. But the last thing you should be doing is whining about your lack of success to people who are potentially in your dating pool. There are literally thousands of articles online (for women AND men) about how to create a successful dating profile, how to respond to messages, how to move through the dating process. This dude needs to do some Googling and figure out his dating strategy on his own, not make it your problem.June 15, 2019 at 9:11 pm #753784
I feel a little sorry for this guy, he is weird in a strange way. The dating market is tough for women, but it’s tougher for weirdos like him. I just hope that he is a young guy who still has time to learn on how to communicate with women.June 16, 2019 at 12:21 am #753794
firstly P may I know your age? you have actually started a thread here over some random guy you matched with on a hookup site? how does it matter what he says? your actually wasting your time by over analysing and then starting a thread here. tinder is so impersonal. I am at times on tinder but I don’t log on or stay logged on 24x 7.. if you don’t like his messaging style such unmatch.June 16, 2019 at 1:21 am #753797
@Tammy tinder isn’t just a hookup site, maybe you need to update your thoughts. I know many people that are looking for more than that lol. It used to be a hookup site early days for college students. In Australia its the number one dating site for all age groups there are even people looking for non-sexual connections on there as well.
I’m mid-40s. I’m not over analyzing just asking what you would do with this type of behavior. I might be just a pinch more considerate of other peoples feelings than you are, that is all.
By the way, all dating sites hook up sites for some people, just saying. But it’s not grinder, now that is a hookup site!June 16, 2019 at 2:33 am #753798
I know a number of people, myself included, who are in ltr’s via Tinder. P is right, it isn’t just a hook up site. It might take some weeding but there are plenty of guys looking for more than just hook ups!June 16, 2019 at 6:25 am #753807
I touched a nerve here I think. that was not the intention. well mostly its viewed as a hook-up site from where I come. and a good friend of mine who is not interested in relationships or commitments, is regularly on the site for her wknd hook-ups. but even she goes through her filtration rules before she meets anyone. as far as I am concerned, I realised its basically 80% full of married men looking for side action. maybe in your countries that is not the case. in any case, whether its for a hookup or a dating potential, my advice would still be the same. he doesn’t know u at all. yet hes writing such desperate messages and outbursts. I would unmatch.June 16, 2019 at 8:12 am #753811
I would definitely say that were I’m from it’s not 80% married men. The scope for getting found out would be pretty enormous. I think it’s like any other dating site, tbh. I do think it has moved on from the days of a hook-up site for 20yr olds very much so. But like all sites, there will be people on there who just want hook-ups.June 16, 2019 at 8:51 am #753813
I know multiple people, both men and women, who have married people they met on Tinder. It’s not just a hook-up app. And I live in one of the biggest cities in the USA so it’s not country-specific.
Any dating app or site can be used for hook ups. It just depends how you use it.June 16, 2019 at 9:58 am #753815
“That makes me feel worthless…”
People who based their worth solely on relationship probably don’t have much going on in their life.
Unattractive to me.June 16, 2019 at 10:17 am #753817
He’s too much of a DQ for me.
Technically I guess he would be a DK.
No matter. He’s over the top with a total stranger!June 16, 2019 at 12:01 pm #753824
I can’t breathe. LolJune 16, 2019 at 3:04 pm #753833
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