Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Wishing guy I have been on a few dates with happy birthday, but pulling away.
- This topic has 16 replies and was last updated 2 years, 10 months ago by
Tall.
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Maryjane
I met a guy 3 weeks ago and he was very consistent to ask to see me 4 times (and stay in touch). The dates were good, but I did plan the activities as he lives in the burbs, about 35 miles away. I like him and only red flag was that he told me he had stopped online dating which I did not ask for and I can see is not true. I am not currently online dating, and my friend passed him along from match when she got back together with her ex, she had never met him.
Last week was a big birthday for me, so I had a lot of plans that week and on the weekend, I had a party and guests from out of town… which he knew about. I told him I did not invite him because the party was for my girlfriends and it was too early. That last time I saw him (June 9th) he made sure to come over during my busy week on my night without plans, give me a card and a quick smootch and we sat on my patio for a few hours. He texted thanking me for the beers and I said thank you for the smiles.
Since he knew I was so busy, I texted him that Friday saying my weekend was starting happily and wishing him a good one as well. He responded in kind. That was my first time really initiating.
Here is where is gets tricky. This week is his birthday and he told me he had a long weekend (rare for him) with waterskiing on Thursday, his kids graduation on sat, and Father’s Day on Sunday. While he mentioned getting together when I saw him last week, when he texted to see how my weekend was he did not ask to see me. He asked how my weekend was, I warmly responded and asked how his was… and we flirted a bit about his birthday wish and he stopped responding when the convo tapered off. My text was the last text joking about my telepathy skills … he had said he could not tell me his wish and I said send it to me by telepathy.
I have not heard from him, mine was the last text on Monday night, and he has not asked me out for this week. So, should I still wish him a happy birthday on Thursday if I don’t hear from him? We talked about it pretty extensively.
tammy
yes i think it’s ok if u wish him. and since u didn’t invite him on your bday, i doubt he would either. just wish and chat casually a bit. be and sound friendly. then leave it to him and do not initiate any more chats. let him make efforts to stay in touch and make plans for meetings..
Maryjane
I did not expect him to invite me on his birthday, but I am disappointed he is not trying to see me this week when he did not have plans. Perhaps that is unreasonable with someone I just met and only went on a few dates with.
Maryjane
I also did not suggest a date this week because we are not exclusive, and he knew I was not busy, but he was.
tammy
i dont think u shld have any expectatns from someone you hardly know. that’s just a sure shot way of walking down the disappointment road. i think most probably he will be having a very busy wknd so hes playing it cool and staying put during the week? i do that many times. when i have hectic weeknds, i stay in during the week.
from what you have written, if a guy i met and liked recently, has elaborate bday plans, but goes on to tell me hey am not meeting you bec i don’t know you that well. i would feel a little off. maybe that’s why the distance? who knows.
as i said i thnk its ok to wish him and then let him take the lead and make all efforts at initiating chats and setting up any further meetings.
Ewa
maybe he isn’t planning anything because he is not sure when he is going to be free. To be honest now the summer has properly started a lot of men are not that keen to actually go on dates , they would rather plan something with their friends, especially if they are singles too. Now that the football in Europe started as well. I am not sure where you live but that could be a reason too haha
Zoe
No, you dont wish him Happy Birthday
That will be too much of initiating, he is loosing interest already as I can see from what you are sayingMaddie
You’ve not heard from him for only 36 hours and he’s “free” for a couple days now but extremely busy during his long weekend. Since he lives a bit of a ways from you and is going to be very busy, couldn’t he be wrapping up work etc. to make sure he’s free for his birthday plans and for his kids on their graduation day and father’s day, and will resume making plans with you next week when he knows what his schedule looks like?
If he wished you a happy birthday on your birthday, wish him one on his. It’s no big deal, even if he’s losing interest. It’s just a nice thing to do. Either he’ll be back around next week and initiate plans, or he won’t. You’ll know where you stand soon. But you’ve only known him 3 weeks and are overthinking it for where you’re at now, wish him a happy birthday but otherwise focus on yourself and doing your own stuff this week. No need to keep close tabs on what he’s doing at this point, 4 dates in.
In regards for what he said about his dating profile, he may have stopped online dating, as he said, but not deleted his account yet as he’s not officially in a relationship with anyone. Or he’s sick of it and seeing where things go with you before taking a break if they don’t work out. So even if you see his profile still up, it doesn’t mean he’s actively talking to new people. Some apps show people as active even when they aren’t because they run in the background of a phone.
Maryjane
He just texted me that in case I was wondering that he wont be in the city this week (he sometimes is for work) and is busy this weekend with all those plans.
I told him warmly that it was sweet to keep me in the loop and I guessed that from all he had going on.
And as to inviting him to my birthday, I stand by that decision, it was too early to meet multiple of my friends and be invited to a girls night party that I planned before I knew him.
I will wish him a happy birthday tmrw and let him take it from there.
Maryjane
And I will enjoy my weekend as planned
T from NY
Exactly. It’s not tricky at all. And what Maddie said.
mama
“I will wish him a happy birthday tmrw and let him take it from there. … And I will enjoy my weekend as planned ”
YAY!
Just a headsup about online dating profiles, for you and others: Many times when someone has an “active” profile, that “active” status is convoluted. It could mean he’s been on the site, but it could mean it in a more passive way. Many times people get weekly/daily emails from the dating site — if they view the email in any way it will show them as active on the dating app because the graphics/email were opened in their browser/app/etc. It’s passive activity.
The companies do it to keep prospects interested — who wants to view/subscribe/pay money for a bunch of inactive profiles?! It’s geared to get new subscribers.
So:
1: STOP stalking his profile.
2: Understand “activity” on a dating profile could mean anything.This one seems like an upfront guy,, his actions are telling you he’s interested. Enjoy your weekend!!!
Maryjane
I wished him a happy bday and said I was excited to celebrate together after two busy weekends and received a very cold non engaged response. You know what, who cares? Next!
mama
But you are living your life beyond those little snippets of interaction, right? You have no time for his games. Do your thing!
Erin
You’re right, Next!
He’s a breadcrumber/drip feeder, i think it’s because he’s not sure either about the direction he wants this to take, he’s still weighing his options or keeping them open
You sound like you honestly don’t even like him that much too lol
I noticed you said you’ve planned the activities on all your dates, you’ve initiated and planned too much, stop now.
Move on, let him sort himself out.
Tallspicy
He was very keen until this week, which happens in dating sometimes.
The planning was because he lives in the burbs, which I did not mind. He was very clear until now about wanting to see me and arranging that, and setting up times, so I do not view it as over giving as he was consistent and checking in … 95% of the intiation of communication and getting together. I initiated once before my big weekend (when he had been very consistent and engaged) and once to wish him a happy birthday(mirroring his action on my birthday and he had initiated on monday). He had initiated at least 20 times before that.
Anyhow, he pulls back, I peace out ;-)!
But when all is said and done, his not planning made it easy for me to go into my 0 f$cks of dating as they say here.
No more talk of this dude as no man is real till he is your boyfriend :)
Going out looking cute later today!
Tall
Oops, was under the radar with another name this once, but have my head back on straight and will chock this all up to post covid jitters and being out of practice ;-)….
O f&cks it is!
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