Why men are not attracted to me


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This topic contains 15 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Liz Lemon 4 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #757882 Reply

    Lilliampr

    I am 40, in great shape and full of energy, but it seems that men are not attracted to me. It’s been four years of no dates and no sex. I love to the travel, go to movies, festivals, outings, concerts, museums, and lots of fun stuff. I have a successful professional career, good health and I am very passionate about many issues like the environment and social justice movements. I tried online dating at eharmony for six months but didn’t meet anyone. Actually zero conversations from it. Sometimes I think it’s gonna be like this forever. I mean not even a coffee date in 4 years is a long time. It seems like all men around have no interest in anything whatsoever. Actually it is very rare to even see single men going to the places and activities that I like, like hiking, the beach, festivals, etc.. I always read that men are attracted to confident, talented, independent women with their own life and interests, but, I don’t know, I am that woman and no guy seems to ever notice me anywhere.

    #757895 Reply

    Lane

    Men are attracted to those qualities mainly because they don’t want a woman clinging onto them all the time, so it has a lot to do with that.

    I don’t know what your personality is like but maybe it could be that? Take a man poll and ask what is about you that doesn’t make them romantically interested. Ask for their brutal honesty and if there’s similar responses then you have your answer.

    #757901 Reply

    Kim

    It’s the age old question: If I have all the things men find attractive then why am I single? A lot of people have been where you are at now.

    You sound like you have a lot to offer. Are you confident around men and come off that it’s only natural you would be found attractive and liked? It’s not about stating that. It’s more about not getting inside your own head and projecting there is some reason you “aren’t someone to get to know” by acting unworthy of their attention. If you got it, flaunt it ;)

    If you think it will help to ask people you know, then do what works for you. I’d personally steer clear of that. People like to take that as an opportunity to unload their whacked out ideas onto you and rarely will you get unbiased feedback. You just end up with more worries to fill your mind.

    It might sound like cheerleader advice but please stop thinking of yourself as the one who doesn’t get noticed. It is completely within your control to change your mindset. It sounds as if this is your biggest hurdle. Open your eyes to opportunities and DO NOT ever step aside and let anyone have YOUR opportunity because you are holding onto a belief about yourself. You’ve got a lot going for you. Don’t be afraid to let that show. You may be surprised what will happen if you do.

    #757907 Reply

    Nathalie

    First of all, do you mean that the men YOU are interested in are not attracted to you, or ALL men even the ones that you’re not interested in are not attracted as well? There’s a difference.

    1)You are digging in men that are out of your league. Which equals zero success.

    2)Possible that you have a vibe that just tells a man he better not get involve.

    I’m sorry to be this blunt but men are mostly visual creatures. They only care about your independence AFTER they’ve found you attractive. So if visually it doesn’t do for them you wont even get passed that stage where they want to know all about you and how amazingly you’ve done for yourself.

    Do you have close male friends? Ask them for their honesty in what they think might be putting men off from you.

    You might truly think you’re hot and that’s good confidence but sometimes reality may disagree. Because if you’re a bombshell I dont believe there’s not a man in the world who wouldn’t want to at least have a conversation with you.

    #757911 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    Good advice so far. I’ll add more practical things: have you only tried Eharmony? Try OKCupid, Tinder & Bumble– in my experience people have a lot more success with those platforms. I have multiple friends who’ve married people they met on Tinder, for example. I myself met my boyfriend of 15 months on OKC.

    Are you in a city/town with a good sized dating pool? It can be especially difficult if you’re not.

    Could you volunteer for an issue or cause you’re passionate about? I have had several relationships in my life that came from men i met while doing volunteer work. Don’t do it with the idea that you’ll get a man– do it with the idea that you’re doing something you love, and your vibe will naturally be attractive.

    It is tough, i sympathize. But try not to let it get you down. What others have said about being in a good mental state is so true. A woman can check all the boxes (professional & well rounded & independent), but if she is not confident & happy in her life, her energy won’t be attractive. I’m not saying that’s the case with you, but it’s something to consider. Good luck!

    #757931 Reply

    Dangerouse

    Maybe your profile is too long and sappy. Just put a lot of pics on your profile.

    When someone messages you, messages back if you like their looks. And get a date set within a few days. Keep the dates short and nearby.

    #757938 Reply

    Helen

    @Nathalie
    “You might truly think you’re hot and that’s good confidence but sometimes reality may disagree. Because if you’re a bombshell I dont believe there’s not a man in the world who wouldn’t want to at least have a conversation with you.”

    Nice slam. The OP said she was in great shape and full of energy. You threw the bombshell standard into the ring, she didn’t. You then implied in a backhanded way she wasn’t and it was nice but delusional if she thinks she is hot.

    Your reply is full of negative assumptions. The world is a mix of shallow and deep. Your response assumes the OP lacks in the looks department. WTFAY to make that assumption?

    Pretending your attitude is helpful brutal honesty only works to cement negative beliefs. The pathetic part is it’s about boosting your own ego while trying to pass your own insecurities off on someone else.

    #757942 Reply

    peggy

    Again I highly recommend “Why he didn’t call you back…” This is a book by Rachael Greenwald-a dating coach ( she has other books about finding love/marriage etc. too) She talked to 1000 guys about dating-the turn-ons and turn-offs etc. There is lots of great advice to think about and it is funny and entertaining. It may help pinpoint your problem-sometimes guys will perceive you differently than you are and that can be an issue.
    In fact a dating service or dating coach with one on one training may be helpful for you. Anyhow,the book was inspiring and helpful for me! God luck.

    #757943 Reply

    peggy

    Again I highly recommend “Why he didn’t call you back…” This is a book by Rachael Greenwald-a dating coach ( she has other books about finding love/marriage etc. too) She talked to 1000 guys about dating-the turn-ons and turn-offs etc. There is lots of great advice to think about and it is funny and entertaining. It may help pinpoint your problem-sometimes guys will perceive you differently than you are and that can be an issue.
    In fact a dating service or dating coach with one on one training may be helpful for you. Anyhow,the book was inspiring and helpful for me! Good luck.

    #757961 Reply

    CaptO

    I strongly believe it’s all in attitude and confidence! Even online!Not big on peer group surveys ( so to speak) but maybe if you could ask some people you know ( but who arent close friends , because they will lie to you to be nice lets face it) how they perceive you, it might give you a clue! Especially when you are online dating it might help showing someone your profile and asking them what they think!

    #757990 Reply

    Sarah

    Try apps like bumble/Tinder. Don’t restrict to ONE site. Try lots!!

    #757998 Reply

    Raven

    Go out & meet people in real life too…

    #758006 Reply

    Veronica

    I am not online dating and never been on Tinder or Bumble, but I heard from several men (my friends) that those two dating sites are usually for those who are looking for a “one night stand”. They found Match most helpful.

    On another note….I recommend a book by Jonathon Aslay “What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway?” The title speak for itself what the book is about. It’s an excellent book and the intention is to convince readers that you have to truly love yourself first before you can love someone else or have someone love you. The reason I mentioned that is that from your post I feel that you don’t think about yourself too highly….(thinking men are not attracted to you), therefore you send your negative vibes to the universe to which men looking for a relationship are not attracted to.

    #758008 Reply

    Sarah

    I have heard Tinder/Bumble is for that too, however I know a few people who have met and are still together from Tinder. My workmate met her husband via Tinder. Tinder isn’t all hookups. Its worth a try. Eharmony isn’t working, so venture out and try more.

    Also – yes, get out more too!

    #758025 Reply

    Nathalie

    Helen you need to calm down.

    OP is asking us to help her figuring it out. That kind of question needs ALL possible answer to be given because it could be a trillion things. And I stressed on the most OBVIOUS one there is because the topic of this thread is about ATTRACTON that OP herself asked. So if she doesn’t feel associated a tiny bit with it, she can leave it right here man it’s not a sure fire thing. I dont bash people, I dont intentionaly offend them and say sorry no offence. I just gave my thoughts on it damn.

    #758049 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    Any dating site can be used for hookups. I have known a lot of people who got serious relationships and even marriage from apps like Tinder or Bumble. The point is to try different platforms, don’t just stick to Eharmony. Yes, try Match. But try Tinder & Bumble too.

    And definitely get out more! Not just to bars. That’s why I suggested volunteering. OP, if you like museums and there are museums in your area, check to see if there are any meet and greet type events. Sometimes art museums have evening events for adults to mingle and meet, for example. The point is to be a little creative about how you meet people, don’t just do the online thing.

    And, don’t go looking for a man specifically, just be open to meeting new friends in general & expanding your social circle, because you never know. You might make a new female friend who has eligible single brothers or guy friends.

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