Why me redux


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This topic contains 15 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  ANM Staff 1 month ago.

Viewing 16 posts - 1 through 16 (of 16 total)
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  • #783673

    Amber Jackie James

    I need a real name for that.

    It doesn’t stop him from moving apps around in my phone. Calling me from different numbers.
    Yeah. It’s real funny that I don’t like it one bit, I’m just a joke to him. He is so fu*king disrespectfully hilarious.

    I changed my email and other accounts
    Moved a few times. No matter what I do he still finds me. I cannot get away from him and it’s all i want more than anything right now.

    He doesn’t seem to care he’s continuously hurting me. I get it he’s hurt. He doesn’t seem to understand he is the reason he is still hurt and its no one’s fault but his. He keeps doing these things to ME and it makes me hate him even more. He doesn’t care I hate him. He doesn’t care I am so hurt by how he disrespects me and by his actions causing me to push him away. I just cant seem to push hard enough.

    I’m not going to his house, I don’t watch everything he does, I don’t have my friends out gang stalking him, I don’t want anything to do with him and I’m fighting so hard for him to give up and let me go.

    His friends mock me and patronize me on a regular basis.

    I want to find him so he goes away to jail forever, which wouldn’t happen because he has friends in high and low places to get him out of it anyway.

    I can not win no matter what I do. I don’t want this. I don’t deserve this.

    He knows where I am at at all times. I can’t prove how he does it. The only way to get away from it would be to kill myself. He’s pushed me to that point a few times. I walked into on coming traffic once and surprisingly didn’t get hit.

    I don’t understand what it is about me for him to target me like this? WTF did I do? Why can he not accept I DON’T WANT THIS AND I AM 100% SERIOUS I DO NOT WANT THIS.

    I’m binge eating to stuff down the emotional trauma this causes. I’ve gained 30lbs. Everyday I have to fight it so hard within myself to just ignore it and put up with it and I shouldn’t have to. I have no one to talk to about it who understands. I’m so afraid of getting institutionalized so im not going to therapy. I can’t focus. Most days I don’t even want to get out of bed and the amount of effort I have to put in to do it just makes me feel even more sick. When I’m working, going to the gym, or even driving somewhere I cant stay focused. I panic. I can’t process it. I HATE HIM FOR DOING THIS TO ME!

    I don’t understand why or how someone could be so damn cruel to someone who always wants the best for everyone and tries to make peace. I want to be free from him and I need an answer on how i can block him out of my life for good?

    #783674

    Leave me alone

    My hair is falling out

    I’m afraid to go anywhere or meet anyone new

    I can’t function as a normal human being and it is his fault because he won’t stop.

    It’s all a big fing joke to him and that hurts the most.

    It hurts so damn much and I really want him to let me go.

    I don’t want to see him. I don’t miss him. I just want him to leave me alone.

    #783675

    Leave me alone

    His absence is sooooo much better than his presence.

    And I would finally get my s*it together because he is no longer mentally BLOCKING me and tormenting me.

    #783676

    Leave me alone

    I don’t want him to romance me, there is no going back to how it was. I DO NOT APPRECIATE ANYTHING HE DOES ANYMORE. I don’t give a fick about apologies.

    I give a f*ck about him going away so I can get some f*cking peace.

    #783681

    Leave me alone

    I’ve done it all Tallspicy and he still finds me. I have no proof therefore police can not do anything. Everything that he is doing can be chalked up to coincidence when deep down I know its him. Gut feelings should not be ignored.

    Him and the Scientology f*cks he calls friends need to leave me alone.

    My soul is not for sale.

    #783682

    Not the droid you are looking for

    Take a vacation out of town and do not tell anyone??? That’s the dumbest f×cking suggestion ever.

    Really? …ah ok I see what you did there…

    Don’t go down because of some jerk let him take you out…gotcha. Sly mrfr.

    His friends hang out here and it’s the only point of contact I can use to tell them to F-off! I DID NOTHING TO YOU SO WHY ARE Y’ALL ATTACKING ME?

    The ones who’ve been attacking me over posting about this attack me in my life too…

    Why is it so hard for them to mind their own business and leave me in privacy and in peace? My life cannot be that interesting.

    I do not want their help and if they consider themselves friends, they sure have a f*cked up way of showing it.

    How the frick is seeing a therapist going to get rid of these fcking people forcing themselves in my life when I do not want or need them in it?

    I didn’t ask for TMZ treatment. Sorry for those who go through that and y’all are taking it out on the wrong person. I didn’t ask for this at all.

    #783683

    I dont get it

    How is seeing a therapist going to get rid of these fcking people forcing themselves in my life when I do not want or need them in it?

    #783684

    I dont get it

    How is staying in my phone going to make it better?

    How does that work?

    #783685

    I dont get it

    Why does it have to be like this and why go about it this way?

    Why is looking at every detail of my life so important?

    I’m not megan markle and never want to be a megan markle.

    Why is it wrong to be ok without him?

    Why is it wrong to want him gone?

    Why do i have to BEG for him to go away?

    Why won’t he just do it?

    Why is it not ok to NOT want him?

    Why is it wrong to be okay with the way my life is knowing it won’t stay that way and why is it wrong I don’t need him?

    Why is it so wrong to want my own life and my own privacy?

    Why do i have to be pushed and poked and pressured by someone I don’t even want in my life anymore?

    I did nothing.

    HE HURT ME.

    HE STAYED IN SILENCE WATCHING ME STRUGGLE AND BATTLE WITH MY OWN THOUGHTS.

    HE NEVER GAVE ME ANY REASSURACE I WAS SAFE WITH HIM AND LEFT ME PARANOID AND ANGRY SILENTLY WATCHING EVERYTHING I DID
    HE USED EVERYTHING I WROTE AGAINST ME.

    HE GAVE ME EVERY REASON TO HATE HIM

    HE GAVE ME EVERY REASON TO STAY AWAY FROM HIM.

    HE GAVE ME EVERY REASON TO NOT TAKE A RISK ON HIM.

    HE MADE MONEY OFF OF THE PAIN HE CAUSED ME!

    HE WON’T HOLD HIMSELF RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HE DID TO ME.

    HE DECEIVED ME.

    HE DID HORRIBLE THINGS ABUSING ME.

    HE IS FINE WITH HIMSELF AND HIS LIFE AND HE MESSED UP MINE.

    I DID NOT CHOOSE IT! HE DID!

    Why don’t I have a choice?

    Why can’t I have my way? Oh right it doesn’t benefit his fking selfish heart.

    #783686

    I dont get it

    I AM BEGGING EVERYONE INVOLVED TO PLEASE STOP FORCING THINGS IN MY LIFE TO WORK OUT FOR YOUR OWN BENEFIT WITHOUT CONSIDERING HOW MUCH DAMAGE IT IS CAUSING ME!

    #783687

    I dont get it

    I am not trying to hurt anyone. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I never wanted to hurt anyone. Damage was done, I accept it and I am very sorry. I don’t want anymore damage done. This is not working. This is not working for me.

    I don’t want you to stay. You’re not proving ANYTHING by staying in my life except you making sh*t worse.

    Please let me go.
    Please go away.

    Please stop being so foolish and stop hurting me.

    I am begging you PLEASE let me go.

    #783688

    I dont get it

    WHY ME?

    #783689

    I dont get it

    I DO NOT WANT YOU!

    I DON’T WANT YOU TO STAY! LET ME GO! You’re not proving ANYTHING by staying in my life except making sh*t worse. Why are you continuing to do this to me?

    I lost everything because of you. You left me to start over so many times. You built me up and knocked me on the ground over and over so many times. Everytime I forgave you for it was an even bigger mistake because I wanted to believe in the best of you, that you really did care, and it wouldn’t happen again. You let me down every time and I have no trust left in you. Friendship or otherwise.

    You aided to me failing over and over.

    You got mad about every man i flirted with slept with and talked to. You handled it so childishly.

    You never came directly to me to work it out you just kept playing your f*cking mind games.
    I won’t wait or save myself for a silent fool who wont directly talk to me.

    You broke me down, broke my heart, and broke my spirit.

    You left me with so much fear and doubt about you inside my heart.

    You sat there silent and watched me suffer.

    You mentally destroyed me and flipped it on me as if it was all my fault!

    I wonder how much better my life would have been without you playing God and messing with it.

    #783691

    Modern Myth

    Why can he not be satisfied that he won his own freaking game and leave me alone?

    I don’t want to play his stupid game ever again. I won’t try to make it better or play by his rules. Nothing he has done to “make it better” is making it better. Nothing I ever do is good enough anyway.

    I sure as hell do not want to see where it goes.

    I can not stand the worst side of him. I won’t stay. He shows up, I will continue to avoid. Avoid. Avoid. Like the bill collectors and spam calls I get on a regular basis…they get the reject button.

    He did it to himself. He needs to let go. If he wants the remedy, it’s to disappear from my life and stick with the people who appreciate him. He won so hail to all the f*cking crazy victories he has had over the last few years. King of pain. Congrats. You made me into a total head case. I clicked the link and fell into your f_cking trap and you’re still not f*cking satisfied.

    Please end your presence in my life and disappear like you never existed there in the first place. Your presence is louder than your silence and I wish you would just go away.

    #783711

    ANM Staff
    Keymaster

    Mod update:

    Hi BOS!

    You appear to have attached these posts to an unrelated topic. You know better than to derail threads like that. I moved your responses to a separate thread, which is an extremely rare action for me because of the stress the database suffers in invoking those functions.

    Were you responding to the other thread in which I specifically addressed you yesterday, and subsequently closed to requests?

    This pattern of posting is the kind of behavior I asked you to cease in my post yesterday. I spent some time trying to nicely and respectfully communicate my request to you. However, I see you here engaging in precisely what I asked you not to do yesterday. This is not in-line with the mission of these forums. In fact, it is very much out-of-line with these forums.

    This pattern of posting is not helping you. I am aware of your resistance to following any advice directed at you in this forum, so at this point all I can say is that I hope you get the help you deserve to find peace and clarity. But based on your very recent posting history, it is abundantly clear that you will not achieve that peace and clarity here in this forum, and your posts will disturb and upset the community.

    Thank you for sharing your advice with our community over the years. I’m sure many of our community members were helped and uplifted by your advice.

    Sadly, at this point you are unwelcome to make any more posts on this site, because I cannot trust you to act in the spirit of these forums.

    Best wishes.

    #783714

    ANM Staff
    Keymaster

    And to the community: This whole situation sucks, and I don’t think we, as outsiders, can give the kind of encouragement that BOS needs to go get help. I think we all want the best outcome for her, but only she can take take action and seek out a professional that she can connect with.

    I hope that taking time away from this forum will, in some small way, help nudge her towards that.

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