WHY me?

Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice WHY me?

This topic contains 29 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  ANM Staff 2 months, 1 week ago.

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    BOS, You don’t know who you are, you don’t know what you want (really) and you should try to stay off this this site until you can help yourself more. I think you use this site as a crutch proclaiming how you are a victim (or not), and are not helping anyone reading this site, including yourself! Either get help or figure these things out for yourself, because you are not helping anyone here keep their sanity.


    Anon 2

    Really think admin needs to block Better off Single, she needs more help than anyone here can give



    No making admin in charge to decide if its healty to post or not is ridiculous. Just ignore if you think that helps more. All frequent readers are used to bos and i think many hope she will find what she is looking for.


    Better off single

    Lol LaFrance Thibodeaux.


    ANM Staff

    I’ve already stepped-in and discussed this matter before. Hash-tag impulse control, remember? So I’m actually pretty worried, frustrated, and sad to have to jump-in here.

    BOS, I understand that writing things is a form of catharsis for you. You also express your opinions to persons seeking advice from the community, and I appreciate it when that advice is genuinely given. That said, I’m concerned when your responses get weighed-down with baggage like with poor Sam S the other day. Was that a helpful response to *Sam*, or did you have the impulse to vent something at that moment, and so writing responding that way was more of a benefit to benefit *you*? Gotta keep that in mind.

    Now let’s talk about the threads you start.

    This forum is intended to be a place where women can come while they’re struggling, and get helpful answers to their struggles. Answers that get them out of fear, pain and confusion and into inspiration, peace and clarity. That’s the stated mission of why we are running these forums.

    The community has noticed trends in your discussion threads, and a certain amount of frustration is starting to come out because of those trends. One of the frustrations that people are expressing here is important to me. They feel like, regardless of what is said in response to you, it has no influence on your future behaviors. There’s no growth, is there? You are not reaching clarity or peace through your interactions with our community. Responses seem unhelpful to you, either because the community does not understand and cannot answer usefully, or because you actively and intentionally choose not to listen.

    We have reached a point where we have to question what the purpose of this thread is. I don’t see the community deriving any benefit from this thread. Are you benefiting? If writing this all and interacting with the community is helping you in some way, then I am glad for that. But the community is spending their saved-up emotional currency participating in this thread, and based on what I’m seeing here, the balance on that account is overdrawn.

    I know some people have the philosophy that, if they don’t like what they’re reading in a thread, they can just skip the thread and not respond. I think a lot of our community members use that philosophy and that’s a Good Thing. (Thank you.) But there’s a balance to maintain, and we’ve tipped too far off-balance now. (And keep in mind, I’m not just talking about this thread. I’ve been keeping an eye on the others, hoping that the situation would self-extinguish.)

    So, I will once again state what I have stated before: Get a Tumblr account (or some equivalent). When you feel the need to start this kind of thread to lament about the state of things, you can freely do so there. My hope is that you will find a platform that lets you vent frustrations and ask for advice from a community that is flush with the patience and energy to answer your calls for help, and allow everyone (including you) to come away with a sense of clarity and dignity.

    You’re not banned from this community, and my writing here should not be taken as an invitation for the community to ostracise you. You’re welcome to continue to give advice and respond to other persons reaching-out for help as long as you genuinely feel that your response is going to help that person.

    But it comes down to this now: I am firmly telling you not to start these kinds of threads anymore. Please keep that impulse under control. If you have to ask “what kind of threads?” then the best answer is perhaps “any threads” for the foreseeable future. Channel the frustrations and hopelessness and sadness into something else that won’t ensnare this community into a quagmire.

    Best wishes to you, BOS. I hope you can find peace and clarity.


    Edit update: But you’re banned now.

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