WHY me?


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice WHY me?

This topic contains 29 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  ANM Staff 3 weeks, 2 days ago.

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  • #783471

    17

    I think it is so crazy that men are showing up in my life with the same exact birthday or same astrological sign.

    The two with the same birthday:

    One is extremely depressed and destructive.

    The other is depressed and working on making himself better.

    One came at me a broken mess, played games with my head and went about “testing” me when I just wanted to be there for him, wanted his genuine interest (I didn’t get it, I got his damage case paranoia though) and I wanted him to trust me and help him feel better. The communication between us really sucked. We had sex, he gave me the whole spiel he doesn’t know what he wants yadda yadda while hitting up other women right in front of me…

    The other one I slowly watched turn into a broken mess, I helped pick him up after one of my best friends dumped him. He’s doing better for himself. Quit drinking, working on his mental health, and career. I want to be there for him as a friend. He has nobody, she keeps putting him down. He keeps telling me he isn’t interested in online dating. It costs money he doesn’t have and women online are all fake and just want to hit him up for money. He doesn’t want to get an STD or effed over.

    He’s attractive. I’d sleep with him, I know he wants to and he is playing the “pity me” card to get it. He has implied how he is good in bed, has a huge….My friend probably wouldn’t care because she has expressed countless times zero attraction to him and she’s moved on a few times already… Getting with a friend’s ex isn’t something I would do, after 4 years of being single and practically earning a bachelor’s in new age dating, becoming a little bitter about men in general because of it, I feel like came upon a piece of gold. He wants the same things I want or maybe he thinks he does because he is heartbroken.

    I’ve seen how he is in a relationship even if it was toxic. They’re just not right for each other. We get along pretty good. I don’t know him like she does and between talking to them both and hearing both sides of their relationship, they’re just not compatible.

    He’s such a good guy. He has his faults, all guys do… and f×ck it, if it’s a rebound he wants I wanna go through with it just to continue being supportive of him moving on…

    The fact these guys have the same birthday, it’s eerie to me. I really wanted to be with the self destructive one. It didn’t work out. Then there is this guy who is not self destructive, good guy, seems to be consistent with interest(I guess just lonely and wants an ego boost?), he’s been honest with me, we get along, he’s attractive…I’m doing my best in avoiding this one and the ONLY reason is because he was in an LTR with one of my best friends. I want to avoid it, to avoid the potential of drama. I value my friendship with her, she doesn’t know he is talking to me and I really don’t care for the secrecy. I just get this feeling if I go through with it she will victimize herself as if I stole her man. Which is not what I would be doing. I dunno what to do.

    The universe must be laughing it’s a×× off at me right now. Thanks universe for bringing me to yet another uncomfortable situation and dangling what I want but can’t have right in front of me AGAIN.

    #783473

    stacy

    Its so weird but every guy that I have dated in the past always had birthdays around november and december which is really creepy. I never dated someone or even flirted with someone outside this. I have had 4 guys in the past (wont call them my boyfriends) but all of them had birthdays in December and 3 in November.

    #783476

    17

    Right? I wonder why it works out like that?

    I always attract Gemini or Sagittarius men. Which is funny because they are opposites.

    I always wind up in LTR with Sagittarius men and the relationship is amazing until they get bored and check out. Gemini’s always seem to find me when their love life is at rock bottom and I end up really hurt.

    #783477

    17

    So maybe I should just avoid Gemini men completely.

    #783481

    PBBS

    Maybe i should just take it as a sign I’m close but no dice. This guy won’t be any better than the last one?

    Closer to emotional availability? Is that a thing?

    What do you do if you were being bombarded by a guy and did a bunch of stuff to throw off your authenticity because you don’t appreciate what he is doing? now he has come to all these negative conclusions about you but still wants you in his life? He doesn’t show up because he doesn’t trust you and you aren’t sure if you can trust him. You kind of don’t want to let go either because the connection is different than any other connection you have ever had with anyone else and just want real honest answers? Which require a face to face conversation. Which makes it a cumbersome start. Which wouldn’t be great…if he can’t trust your authenticity what’s the point of it all anyway?

    #783491

    Better off single

    I just want a guy who will think im beautiful, appreciate me,he is level headed and can handle the crazy in me, can roll with the changes because I never stay the same, trust I will be loyal, has no desire to hurt me, no desire to control the things that I say/do, helps keep me motivated, supports me, inspires me, wants to build a life with me and wants to love me back as much as I’ll love him.

    Two heads are better than one. Its too much to ask for. I’m tired of the false hope.

    I’m tired of doing it all alone.

    #783493

    I deserve Better

    I want a real relationship not a simulated one. I want a real person to wrap my arms around there is no comfort or security with a cell phone.

    I refuse to put up with less.

    #783494

    I deserve Better

    And i am so unbelievably ticked off someone has selfishly stood in my way of getting it like they know what’s good for me or have the need to control me like their f×cking pet.

    I’m so ticked off someone awakened a love in me with no intention of loving me back.

    #783505

    kaye

    Don’t know why i’m even responding to this one but guess it’s because you won’t listen!!! You are an emotional broken mess right now so you are attracting emotional broken messess!!! Work on your personal issues and don’t date right now. You’re not ready and it’s only going to be a huge trainwreck!!!

    #783516

    Andrea

    As long as men like this are able to still get sex and attention from loose women, there’s no incentive for them to improve.

    #783527

    Tallspicy

    I should not feed you when you get like this. BUT…..

    YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM. YOU CHOOSE THIS CRAP OVER AND OVER. Stop blaming them and look inside.

    #783540

    Better off single

    It’s really overwhelming. I can not stand being kept in the dark. It’s almost like I feel like I know what it is, and it’s eating me up inside. I want out. It’s not right.

    My friend’s ex, He is pursuing ME. I never initiate contact and I just do not have it in me to be a cold b×tch to him because my friend and him have split up. He hasn’t done or said anything to hurt me and I can relate to what he is going through. He is still my friend. I care. I’m trying to be a supportive friend to him. I do keep my distance. I’m not choosing to have him pursue me. I’m not leading him on. He brings up sex and I change the subject or tell him to watch porn and take care of himself. He wants to complain about the ex, I tell him we shouldn’t talk about it. He’s been texting me every day. I keep my answers short and friendly.

    The damage case guy was nothing but lies to get into my pants and he truly was an a××hole, I’m over it. I told him how i felt and he didn’t take it too well. I had a hard time with it because I liked him so much (for over 17 years) and was so heartbroken with how he was to me. I kept my distance, drunk texted him 1 time, and a day or two ago he told me he has a lot on his plate apologised for pulling back and I was able to let it go. He has been the only guy other than my ex in the last year I have slept with. That I actually caved into seeing on a regular basis. He invited me over a few times before that and I passed on them.

    Why? Because I was scared. I am afraid to do anything because of the trauma stalker caused living in fear thinking there will be a bad consequence due to someone’s lack of approval and need to be in control. If you have never been through this- STFU until you do. I’m not choosing it.

    The third guy has aided to me becoming an emotional mess, disrespects me, sees me as garbage and doesn’t want me, continues to stalk and torture me in subtle ways and I am powerless to stop it so, sorry, I’m having a little bit of a hard time controlling myself because I am very overwhelmed by my lack of privacy and a mysterious SOB who makes life complicated because of it.

    All these men pursued ME and I gave it a chance, 2 of them won’t leave me alone and I just don’t understand why or what I am doing that keeps them around. I have been down right mean to the stalker. said horrible things i would never think to tell another human being and he STILL WONT LEAVE! I’m not chasing them, I’m not being flirty, I’m not putting on sexy clothes, dressing myself up, or even throwing myself at these guys. They come to me. Broken. Then I make them feel better and once they do, instead of thanking me, actually spending time with me taking me on dates, or committing- I get f×cked and crumpled up like my mental health or my needs aren’t important at all -it was all a big misunderstanding. “Oh. I thought we were on the same page. For what its worth I’m sorry blah blah BULLS×IT!” I get tossed like garbage or put at the bottom of a pile.

    Just because I enjoy sex does NOT make me a loose woman. So stop projecting.

    #783543

    K

    BOS… you’ve been here posting the same stuff over and over for THREE YEARS now, maybe longer, from what I gather reading some of your posts and the responses.

    Nothing ever changes. Other than you’ve been forced by the site admin to stop your rants about being stalked and Dear Diary style posts. You say the same things and complain about the same things.

    You say you’ve tried therapy and refuse to go again. Well, this form of self-medication, posting on this site repeatedly, isn’t working either. It’s time to step back and look at what other things you can try to make some positive changes or you are going to be in this loop forever… and that’s entirely on you.

    You will never, ever in a million years attract a man in a healthy state of mind for a healthy relationship of any kind in the state you’re in. That’s the bottom line. The universe can only give you what you are.

    Please stop the “poor me I’m a victim who can’t get any love” act. No one here is buying it.

    LOVE YOURSELF and stop trying to escape yourself through men. Find some group social activities you enjoy and find some way of working out your issues other than posting here, it’s clearly not making any difference.

    #783545

    Better off single

    I am ok with myself. I am working towards my goals and making my life better. I’m grateful for what I have. I’m HAPPY I am not where I was. I’m NOT actively looking for a relationship. These guys find me. I’ve been going back and forth about my friend’s ex because I know him. He’s interested. He’s honest with me and attractive.

    I’m a genuinely good hearted person. There isn’t enough of it in this world and I am making the CHOICE to never change that about myself. Everyone else wants to be savage and take what doesn’t belong to them. I’m never after money, gifts, or getting wined and dined. Those things are nice, it’s not going to win me over. A good date to me is spending time getting to know him no matter where we’re at and having a blast or deep conversations. I’ll even pay for myself. These guys would rather go for the women who are never satisfied, expect men to pay for everything as a sign of effort, and are “high value”.

    I’m not some gold digger looking to f×ck over a man who makes over 100k a year or is a millionaire. I don’t give a s×it about what a man has or what he can buy me to make me happy. That is not what makes a man valuable to me.

    I care about who he is as a person, quality time, and affection. That makes me happy. I’d rather be dirt poor on a date in a tent in the country surrounded by cattle falling in love- over being on a yacht with a rich guy who is never satisfied with what he has, doesn’t trust anyone, miserable, and treats me like sh×t so he can have his way.

    #783547

    Better off single

    k

    Ill stop posting about it when it finally f×ing stops.

    I don’t need therapy and don’t want a therapist with a effed up god complex who believe they’re the universe. That therapist needs F×ing therapy.

    It’s funny to me how you people go on and on about the universe and that’s what I attract because I’m not “thinking” correctly yet refuse to acknowledge or believe I am being stalked and pushed and poked at by this person.

    #783548

    Better off single

    You will never, ever in a million years attract a man in a healthy state of mind for a healthy relationship of any kind in the state you’re in. That’s the bottom line. The universe can only give you what you are.

    Then get the f_ck out of my life so i can since you know me so well.

    #783549

    Better off single

    I’m not trying to escape myself through men. I’m trying to help make a positive difference in their life and THEY FIND ME.

    #783550

    Newbie

    Bos, youre a basket case, totally over the top crazy for some reason. And also hyper intelligent and sensitive. I wouldnt mind knowing you at all but all i can say is: therapy is not your worst enemy here. We really cant help you and youre blocked, so whats wrong with asking for some help?

    #783551

    Better off single

    Just because I am a loner, like being a loner, have a very small circle of friends I see on a weekly basis, and opt out of social activities does not mean I don’t love myself or try to escape myself through men.

    If I’m gonna escape myself, I will go on a heavy drug and alcohol binge. I don’t need a man to escape myself. Unless he has drugs.

    #783553

    Tallspicy

    I love how everyone else has a problem but you. Your therapist is a mess, your ex is a mess, people are stalking you. They all have it out for you. doubt it.

    #783554

    Tallspicy

    they just find you. None of people ever find me….. How about everyone else? Do these people just happen to you as well?

    They never find me because I never choose them, invite them in, welcome them into my life and grow relationships with unhealthy people.

    #783556

    K

    ROTFL.

    Everyone here knows you way more than we want to because you publish your every thought and feeling on this site on a regular basis. No one posts more than you do. No one even comes close. And I”ll never understand why you spend so much time advising others on their relationships when your own life is a mess and you call yourself Better Off Single but you still chase men and then blame them for your own inability to have healthy relationships.

    Your responses to me and everyone else and the continual posts you make clearly demonstrate you are beyond delusional and have no interest in taking any responsibility for your choices.

    Good luck and I sincerely hope you wake up some day. I won’t waste my time responding to you again.

    #783557

    Better off single

    News flash Tallspicy the world is unhealthy and getting unhealthier thanks to social media, the s×itty background noise that is today’s music, and online dating.

    I do have a problem. I said I don’t need or want therapy. It’s one tiny little problem. A Glitch in my life that can easily be solved. It requires a choice the other person needs to make because I can not do anything about it apparently. It involves a few actions taken by said person -closing every back door he let himself into and letting me go live my life how I see fit. I’m so mentally exhausted and frustrated because of this person and life would be so much easier if they went away and took their harsh criticism with them.

    Not everyone is or can be a successful business owning multi millionaire with no problems… or refusing to acknowledge that they do because they hide it all behind their money and base their value by what they own and who they know.

    I’m stuck in the pee-on class who are the backbone and work hard to keep multi-million dollar companies running. I’m ok with it. This class of people are effed up people because they’re fed false hope by millionares who smile in their face while they take their money telling them their dreams can come true for only 8 easy payments of 34.99! Get him to desire you and never want any other woman but you only $99.99! Psychologically manipulate him to marry you and never cheat! Just $105.99!

    I guess me and these losers… we find each other. I don’t go looking for them. I am by default a LONER. You see them as unhealthy people, I accept them as they are because we are all struggling to get somewhere and be in a loving relationship as they see what one would be to them.

    Except the person stalking me because that is unhealthy behavior. 3 or more years of this bulls×it and I’m really, really fed up with it. That’s out of my hands. I made a police report and police don’t give a damn about it. The choice is yours. If I had mine, you’d have been gone 3 years ago.

    #783558

    Better off single

    I never made the choice to be stalked, duped, and humiliated. I am better off single when it comes to this douche bag who has no consideration for how it is affecting me. I made the choice to reject this person. Who ever it is won’t accept it, leave me alone, and seems to get mad I’d rather pick someone who is a total loser compared to him even though who ever it is doesn’t want me or ever acknowledged me at all and just wants to watch me suffer.

    I made the choice to emotionally invest in the guy I had a crush on over 17 years. It left me heartbroken. I was stupid. I’m not over him but I can move on and I’m ok now.

    I am making the choice to stay away from the guy who is pursuing me now because I value a friendship over getting laid.

    Nope. Taking no responsibility for my choices at all.

    Yep, delusional. I should have been a total cold emotionless bi×ch because I’m the queen of loving my self too much to have compassion for someone going through a difficult time. God forbid I am successful at making a positive difference in their life. I should have never given a chance to all those guys or better yet, I should have just used and abused them for being who they are.

    #783560

    Better off single

    We really cant help you and youre blocked, so whats wrong with asking for some help?

    What help can i get to figure out who is stalking me and get closure or get them to let me go?

    This person found me here on this site and really fuked my mind up.

    I just want this person to go away so i can fix it on my own.

    I am hypersensitive and my senses have been in this chaotic survival mode for 4 god damn years i cant seem to stay balanced because of it.

    Please whoever you are stop.

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