who pays?

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  • #665975 Reply


    I had a date today. Third date. The guy initiated and paid for the first two. He initiated this date but we both decided on the activity. It was an expensive activity. Ended up being $80 so I offered to pay half. He took me up on it. The guy at the cash register said in a really snotty tone “how democratic, maybe she can pay for lunch”. I thought it was a dick move to say that. The guy I was with didn’t seem bothered, but are there guys that get their masculinity threatened when a girl offers to pay?
    I generally offer to split, 99% of men decline, but it seems like at some point it makes sense to split, if only to allow for more/more expensive dates.
    Plus, if I’m seeing a guy with kids, I’d rather he not keep dumping money into me.

    #665979 Reply


    I don’t think that is that expensive. And I have zero problem having a guy pay for the dates for many more than two dates! So not sure why you are asking hefe. You both agreed to this term. If the clerk made a comment, who cares?

    #665980 Reply


    If you are happy, peaceful and content right down to your soul regarding your decisions in you love life, you should give no cares as to what we or the cashier think.

    #665986 Reply


    Ultimately it comes down to the two parties who are adult and mature enough to make decisions without any input from someone else.

    I’ve never offered nor have I ever had a man ask me to pay when I’ve gone on a date in the wooing stages, however if a cashier said something snappy like that to me and my BF if I paid for an activity I would tell him to bugger off and mind his own beeswax!

    #665989 Reply

    Stephen G

    Both partners should spend approximately the same amount on each other. This is called equality,get used to it. Equality means taking the rough with the smooth. You no longer can expect men to pay for everything. As for that trick of the woman offering to pay. No man with an ounce of intelligence believes that charade for a second. If I dated women I would expect the paying on dates to be fifty-fifty. Sorry ladies today you no longer get to play the damsel in distress routine. You’ve thrown men out of work,crow about your academic and career success endlessly. Then you have the sheer gall to demand men treat you as if it were still the 1950s. You either suck up the downside of equality without complaint,or you’ll end up married to a sub-par man in a loveless marriage,or end your days as a crazy cat lady. No knight in shining armour is going to wife up a demanding shrewish woman. I repeat NO ONE is coming to save you!

    #665991 Reply


    Stephen, if a man doesn’t pay when he asks a woman out on a date then he can date himself!

    Make sure you tell every women what you told us here before you set a date and time to meet them the first time—I’m sure they will all be clamoring to date you lol.

    #665992 Reply

    Stephen G

    I don’t date women Lane so that situation won’t arise. Women who are now equal should try asking men out on a date. Men are the prize not women, after all it is men who will pay for everything a woman wants, and its men that will fund her lifestyle after she frivorces him.

    #665993 Reply

    Stephen G

    Lane what I am arguing is that women should pick a side and stick with it. Jumping between being a strong and independent woman and a damsel in permanent distress when it suits you simply won’t work. If women want to be career girls then they should become career girls but they shouldn’t then scream and shout and demand special treatment when they find out that the men they are interested in are not interested in them. A man wants a partner, someone who holds up her part of the sky. He doesn’t want a ball-busting harridan who can never be anything more than a competitor both at work and in the home. He doesn’t want a woman who believes marriage is life-long courtship. He is not interested in ‘date nights’ or her ever shifting demands. Every man sooner rather than later realises that when it comes to women their emotions and demands are bottomless. You solve one of her problems or dissatisfactions, and like the hydra two more pop up in their place.

    #665994 Reply


    Hahaha, I was about to say Stephen you probably don’t get to date women ever, and voila, you admit to that. If you don’t date women, then don’t bother preaching about what’s good or not for us in these day and age. We can look after ourselves buddy.

    Your equality is for dummies. When you learn how to pop out babies then you can talk equality, until that happens, men would offer to pay for dates. And it is up to a woman how to take it from there,

    #665997 Reply


    I work in a very liberal field. Almost everyone I work with considers themselves progressive and far left of center. Still 80% of men pay for dates. It is was a decent man does, part of their DNA that doesn’t change even when women have more social rights. Women generally contribute to an income these days, so it is definitely not the 1950s. Dates are small potatoes in the grand scheme of things and it is just of way of being a polite and decent man. Men remain the bigger stronger sex and always will, so there are some formalities in being a provider that keep everyone happy. (Everyone other than bitter and angry cheapos lol)

    #665998 Reply

    Stephen G

    “We can look after ourselves….” Err no you can’t. If you could we wouldn’t be seeing the rage, the howling at the moon, or the endless female shaming tactics that we are seeing on television,film and print and social media. Feminism has completed wrecked the relationship between the sexes. Men are not marrying because they are simply not prepared to have their lives utterly ruined by a woman on a whim. The only power that men have is to avoid women like the plague. Men might crave sex,but they can visit prostitutes. Women crave relationships and children but they can only get those from men. It is very sad but women today have very little to offer men. They can’t cook, they won’t clean, they won’t wash clothes, they hate sex. So what use are they?
    If women would just embrace femininity, stop trying to become third-rate men. Learn to cook and clean,and be appreciative for everything men do for them. Those women will be deluged by marriage offers. Women who can’t do this due to ideology or because they are termagants will face a lonely and sterile existence. This will be beyond horrible for these women. It will be like being stranded alone on the dark side of the moon for 40-50 years.

    #666000 Reply

    Stephen G

    Notice the very poor shaming tactics from Lane, Emma and Amanda. They imagine that I don’t date women because I am either unattractive physically and/or psychologically. There is a more obvious reason that I don’t date women.

    #666001 Reply


    I didn’t suggest that. I assume you are gay, which is fine.

    #666002 Reply


    You being angry and bitter has nothing to do with you being gay, btw!

    #666003 Reply


    Learn to cook and clean lol. Now you are just another troll making me laugh.

    #666004 Reply


    Amanda, I’m laughing too! Our friend Stephen thinks women hate sex! If you read this forum, women wanting MORE sex is a very common problem…

    #666008 Reply


    So if a woman is earning the money, doing all the cooking and cleaning, plus looking after kids when they come along, what exactly is the man doing that the woman should be grateful for?! What’s she getting out of the relationship?

    I think you’ll find Stephen that the majority of divorces are initiated by women, much of the time because they’re getting very little out of their relationship in comparison with what they put in. It’s not men rejecting women, it’s the other way around.

    We don’t need men the way we did in the 1950s. No one sees a woman who’s single as some type of failure any more, there’s no stigma about being a single parent, we have birth control so we can choose if or when we have kids, it’s easy for women to have a career and earn their own income, and there’s an amazing array of sex toys out there that can often do the trick far better than a man can. We used to need men to be the provider and give us social respectability but we don’t now. So men have to realise women now have options and aren’t going to be grateful just because a man he agreed to be with her.

    If some men don’t want to step up, or want to get angry and bitter, that’s fine. They can stay single and use prostitutes as required. Most men I know though have happily stepped up. I think the stats that say that men are happier and healthier within a relationship show they definitely get something out of it.

    #666030 Reply


    Oh my my.. Stephen if you had stopped at your why should women expect to not go halves on a date comment initially, I could have backed you buddy. But some of what to you’ve put… insert laughing emoji to be frank!

    I always offer to go halves on first dates- especially if I have decided through the date that I am not seeing them again. Why would I get a guy who met me for an evening to see if we got on to pick up the tab ? Now if I planned to see him again then sure, but I consider it disempowering as a woman to take a free meal when you know you’ve no plan to see him again when he’s sat there paying, thinking he will. Just how I work things.

    #666035 Reply


    There are those people who take advantage of others and those who do not. It is that simple. If a man invites a woman out he should pay as host. Overall men still make more money than women, that is a fact.

    Here is where the rubber meets the road. A man can invite women to do things with him that do not cost money, or very little. He can suggest walks, rides, day at the zoo, picnic, bonfire with hot dogs, lots and lots of things that do not hurt the purse strings or are home dates.

    If he wants to spend more on dates that is his option, but not a requirement. As they date I think a woman should pony up for some of their activities as her purse strings allow. Notice I said some…

    Women who are interested in a man will not be put off with frugal dating, they will be put off if he is cheap…that is different. If they know he has money and only wants to take them walking well they will feel he is not generous of spirit…and that is a turn off.

    There is nothing wrong with an ice cream date…nothing at all.

    #666054 Reply


    Well that’s different. A bitter old gay guy mysogynist, who seeks out dating forums (primarily frequented by straight women) and goes off on them about equality? I just spit my coffee out laughing!

    #666057 Reply


    L he said in a previous post he was asexual. Why be on a dating forum if you have no interest in men or women?!

    Stephen, just go and live your life! Be happy!

    The interactions between men and women are clearly beyond you, just in the same way I couldn’t fully understand gay men or women. The dynamics are different. So please don’t judge us or heterosexual men for wanting a man-woman relationship.

    #666061 Reply


    ‘Asexual?’ Sounds more like a man with sexual frustrations and underwear that’s too tight.

    #666094 Reply


    I think stephen makes an interesting point. There is a reason a lot of american guys dread dating and thats because they think a woman is only interested in the size of his wallet.
    Its also strange that women wants to be treated equal but if one guy (real or not) comments on that he is scolded for not being a man, and all sorts of other things.
    A while ago the actress from the big bang theory (kala cuolo something – I lke her), was asked about feminism and she basically advocated the general consensus here and that she liked to cook for her man. That caused an incident for her lol and she had to apology and said something funny like: im such a freaking feminist.
    My point is: you can have it both ways but dont be suprised that more and more guys will take offense to it and consider it hypocritical.
    To the op: why in the world would you care what a cashier says. That sort of suggests that you have an issue with it and not the guy you are dating.

    #666099 Reply

    Stephen G

    Ok it is a new day and looking over my earlier comments I see that I was painting with a rather broad brush. Some of my comments,e.g. Cooking and cleaning etc seem rather ridiculous in the cold light of day. I still stand by my comments regarding paying for dates though. Jan’s comment in this thread triggered me. She is perfectly fine with the man paying for everything and because this place is very largely aimed at women she was happy to be forthright about this. The days of wine and roses is 90% over because equality.

    #666131 Reply


    I’m wondering if this is an American thing Newbie? I know you’re a European too. What do you do where you are?

    I’ve always had the first few dates paid for by the guy, then we pretty much go 50-50. I’ve never expected or wanted a man to spend more on me than I spend in him, although I’ve had friends that do. Paying for dates really isn’t an issue here, but we don’t really date. We keep straight into relationships or leave the man alone.

    Don’t worry Stephen. We all have bad days! (Me more than most!)

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