This topic contains 22 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by anon 2 weeks, 4 days ago.
March 19, 2019 at 1:09 pm #743356
I used to have a great deal of respect for Kate Beckinsale until she started dating 25 year old Pete Davidson who is 20 years her junior. Not to mention he just called of an engagement to Ariana Grande 3 months before he supposedly started seeing Kate in January. Their PDA in public just makes me sick considering he could be her son. I mean her daughter is 20 for goodness sake! And he’s not even good looking, she could do so much better! Any opinions on if you think this is a mid-life crisis, poor life choices, attention seeking or is he well endowed or what? Just for fun what advice would you give her if she posted on her about their relationship?March 19, 2019 at 1:13 pm #743357
My advice is you have too much time on your hands, if you are that concerned about what other people do.March 19, 2019 at 2:19 pm #743366
Normally other women are fine with an older woman having a toy boy. However what does anger them is seeing a middle-aged man with a young woman.
Personally I don’t per se have a problem with people dating much younger people. However in this case her having a daughter the same age as her young beau did make me feel a bit creeped out.
Perhaps Ms.Beckinsale is what BlackDragon calls a “Dominant”? That is a woman who actively seeks out a male that she can boss about and control what he says,does and thinks. BD argues that Dominants make up about 60% of women and the great majority of middle-aged women are Dominants.March 19, 2019 at 2:56 pm #743371
Only Stephen could be bothered to provide a serious albeit ridiculous answer to the most frivolous question ever.
The better question is, who cares and why does anyone have enough time to post about this?
They’re certainly having a lot of great sex. When the novelty wears off, it will be over. BFD.March 19, 2019 at 3:05 pm #743372
As a 45 year old who has been on dates with men in their 20’s, my advice to her would be to enjoy it. Have fun. It’s probably a temporary thing. It’s not gross- sometimes you really do just connect and have attraction with someone not your age. I’ve never advertised to friends that I date 20 something men, it’s not a “poor life choice”, and its not a crisis. The last 20 something I dated didn’t want kids or to chance having them, had a healthy sex drive, we had some similar hobbies and life philosophies and found each other attractive. Tell me what was wrong with us dating, Carolyn? Oh and he picked up the checks.
Personally, I don’t mind older men dating younger women as long as it’s not a “life control” thing. Whatever floats your boat in the bedroom, but grooming and trying to control someone into love when it isn’t there is weird. In general, young men might want to be controlled in the bedroom, but in terms of dating they seem to like older women because older women exert LESS control and just have fun with it.March 19, 2019 at 3:09 pm #743374
IE, I think what gets creepy about older/younger relationships is when the older partner does some manipulating/gaming. You know, the guy who you know doesn’t want kids dating the young woman who hopes this is going to lead to marriage and babies…. I could care less about the old guys hanging out with young women who are glad to get their bills paid for a while.March 19, 2019 at 3:30 pm #743376
Let her have some fun!!March 19, 2019 at 4:07 pm #743384
By answering my ridiculous and frivolous question aren’t you proving you have too much time on your hands?!!? :)
And Anon, if there’s nothing wrong with it, why don’t you let your friends know you date men in their 20’s?
Who wants a boy they have to teach? Get a man who knows how to treat a woman!!March 19, 2019 at 4:09 pm #743385
And my advice to mid 40’s women who are jaded about dating is to date guys in their late 20’s/early 30’s with an open mind that it is just fun, and unlikely to lead to relationship town. It’s refreshing and fun. I’ve never been on a date with young guy that didn’t end with me laughing and smiling, feeling beautiful. And they seem to love it too! I think its easy because you both know it isn’t going anywhere, so there is no tension about it having to “be something”. Young guys seem to go with casual a lot easier and can mix sex and friendship.March 19, 2019 at 8:47 pm #743406
T from NY
My ex was 10 years younger and it was DISGUSTING the amount of criticism and people inserting their opinion about our age difference — I was 41 when we met. He was 31. Thirty- one damn years old and people had issues with it!!! Leave Kate alone. I’ve actually had amazing connections with men 15 yrs younger than me. It would take too long to describe why the mature, though younger-in-age men, are so refreshing. Men in my age group can be SO jaded, so cynical and generally dislike (or even hate women). Whereas I’ve experienced younger men to treat me better, are genuinely interested in my life and life experiences, are playful and hopeful and just overall enjoy life and sex and so many things more.
Chemistry sometimes knows NO AGE and as long as two people are adults, and there is no credible concern that any emotional or physical abuse is happening (not just gossip and assumptions about the woman being dominant or other “mommy issues” BS) – people should mind their own business and leave a couple the hell alone.March 19, 2019 at 9:24 pm #743415
My guess is that OP ant snag a younger man :-)March 19, 2019 at 10:00 pm #743425
Younger guys are not cup of tea.
But I don’t see any problem with it. Two consenting adults.March 20, 2019 at 8:17 am #743450
“And Anon, if there’s nothing wrong with it, why don’t you let your friends know you date men in their 20’s?
Who wants a boy they have to teach? Get a man who knows how to treat a woman!!”
Because I just tell my friends I date- I don’t get into their ages in detail unless asked. If they ask, I tell them, I’m not ashamed, and a couple of times they’ve met the one guy. But you are right, I don’t go around “HEY I DATE GUYS WHO ARE 26!” just like I don’t go around saying “I DATE GUYS WHO ARE 50!”. My point it, I don’t do it for my ego, I do it because they are quality men that I enjoy spending time with.
Also, you can and do find MEN in their 20’s. A lot of them don’t need any teaching. At all. Some of them are really old souls. Usually if they have a preference for older women, they are more mature- most of them are marriage material, just not ready for families.
And T, that’s crazy and shows a double standard! A 41 year old man who decided to start a family would not raise an eyebrow dating a 31 year old.
And I’ve had the same experiences with dates- the younger men I date are really fun. Most men my age in my city that are single are either holding down barstools, newly divorced, active and interested only in younger or single and looking to start families. I have no interest in listening to 40 something family problems while sitting there getting drunk. Meanwhile, the 25 to 35 set ask me out on active dates, have great conversations etc.March 20, 2019 at 3:53 pm #743489
I’m with T and anon. I owe my life to the relationship with my last ex. I was 30, he was 19 when we became a couple. We were together 5 years, that relationship took me out of a deep black hole and it was the beginning of a transformation I’m very proud of. I will be 40 in a few months and never looked or felt better. Without meeting him, I might not even be alive right now. And for what matters, we are still friends and he also grew tremendously during our time together. So I see only benefits here.
My question to the OP would be why do you care so much that you post on a forum that some woman you don’t know is dating a guy 20+ years younger? What they do doesn’t make your life better or worse. So why care?March 30, 2019 at 12:07 pm #744439
Strangers can guess at your age by your appearance but they don’t know for certain unless you tell them. Some people look older or younger than the popular consensus for what certain ages are to look like. What is an acceptable age difference to you, Carolyn? Is 5 years okay but 10 is too much? What if they are the same age but the guy looks extremely young for his age? Would that trigger your gag reflex before you marched up to them demanding to see ID? Does this only apply to an older woman and younger man? Do you have more leniency if it’s the other way around? Does the man need to be 20+ years older before the bile starts to rise in your throat, if it rises at all? Does it create such envy as to why *you* aren’t adored by men of all ages that you have to feign distaste to try to cover that up? Do you think your only worth is in “popping out kids so his seed can survive”? Is that what you think about yourself and project on all women along with a shelf life?
Since appearances are what this about, I am in incredible physical condition and do hardcore training to be that way. I don’t have children and am financially stable. I’m 47. I won’t pretend I am confused with a teenager but I realistly can fit into the appearance category for the physical traits that would place me at late 30’s. When I started dating again a few years ago I found I gravitated towards men in their mid to late 30’s. The “inappropriateness” you are hung up on is rooted in women are valuable for having children. There are plenty of quality men 10 years or so younger than me who do not want any or more children. They don’t want to deal with girls with baby fever on a biological time clock. They appreciate I’m not tied down in that way or wanting them to be an insta daddy to another man’s children. Some guys that age want to start or have another family. That’s great. I’m not condemning their choice. I’m not what they are looking for and they aren’t what I’m looking for. There is no problem. You want to create one though.
My fiancee is 10 years younger. He has a daughter. He does not want any more children. We were able to talk for hours and come back for more ever since the first time we met. We match in appearance and activity abilities. We share the same values, goals, and what we think are the qualities needed to make a relationship successful. I am not his daughter’s mother. He doesn’t expect me to be. She has a mother and I’m not so arrogant as to believe I am somehow more qualified because he and I are together. I love her and accept her as part of my life without crossing lines that I don’t want to cross and aren’t mine to cross.
So Carolyn, I guess I and all other women with younger men need to end it now because your disdain is what is important? Nah, I’ll continue to be happy and not give that up for your arrogance in thinking your opinion has any worth.March 30, 2019 at 4:35 pm #744451
I’m with anon – I’m 53 and using a dating app that clearly indicates my age to potential matches and 2/3 of the men that choose me as a match are under the age of 35. They are really fun, interesting, intelligent men who are not afraid of life/women like most men closer to my own age. They choose me BECAUSE of my age, not in spite of it. Interesting that you pounced on Kate Beckinsdale as if the relationship wasn’t totally mutual, because I’m sure it is. People choose each other, and it involves mutual liking and chemistry. Older women are very confident about themselves, their bodies, and what they want and I have been told several times by my dating partners that is what sets older women apart from younger women and that is the appeal. Hard to understand why you’d be grossed out by consenting adults who admire each other for their personalities and experiences and qualities that they may not find in partners closer to their own ages.March 30, 2019 at 7:10 pm #744455
Kate there is a huge difference between a 10 year and a 20 year ahe gap! Get real! If you’re old enough to be his mother or the guy is old enough to be her father I think it’s disgusting!
And for all of you who think it’s because I’m 46 and can’t land a younger man it’s quite the opposite. I look 15 years younger, get carded 90% of the time I go into a bar, casino or buy alcohol and younger men wouldn’t leave me alone on dating apps or stop hitting on me at weddings, out at bars, work events etc. It turns my stomach when a guy my son’s age is hitting on me or asking me out and is like “age is only a number.” WTF?!?
If you’ve only recently attained the ability to order drinks at a bar the last few years don’t even talk to me! Don’t get ne wrong i’m equally as disgusted by 65 year old men who try to pick me up.
I know younger guys want to date older women. It’s glaringly apparent to me when I try to go out with my girlfriends and they won’t leave us alone.
Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher obviously didn’t work and that was less than a 20 year difference. I challenge any of you to name a celebrity couple where the woman is 20 years older than the man and it’s worked…And go!!April 3, 2019 at 10:10 pm #744988
1. Mind your own business!
2. Get over yourself!
You come off as deeply insecure, bragging that you look younger and claiming that guys hit on you all the time, and trying to deflect this insecurity by pinpointing flaws in others.April 3, 2019 at 10:31 pm #744990
Better off single
Age is nothing but a number. I care more about maturity.April 3, 2019 at 10:34 pm #744991
I’m 107 years old, but don’t look a day over 74!April 4, 2019 at 8:33 am #745006
First off, not everyone is dating with an eye towards a long relationship. Ashton and Demi did not work, but it lasted a lot longer than some. Some women hit their 40’s and want to date for FUN. I enjoy dating to meet new people, hear new perspectives, feel some fresh energy and try new things. So when I accept a date with a guy 20’s year younger, it’s because he is interesting and has a great date idea and I enjoy talking to him, and feel some attraction. I’m not thinking THERE IS MY FUTURE HUSBAND!
Different strokes for different folks- if all you do is date men who are really ideal long term relationship prospects, that’s great. It’s fine that you aren’t into 25 year olds or 65 year olds. Why does it actually bother you how other people date? Think of it this way, for every woman who dates younger men casually and passes on men their age, it’s more men you like on the market for you. And for every woman 40 something dating a 65 year old instead of a 45 year old again, more men for you.April 4, 2019 at 10:05 am #745013
Padmini — how does stating the facts make me insecure? And the great thing about the internet and public forums is I don’t have to mind my own business! If you were wanting to mind your own business you wouldn’t be here my dear! Let that sink in.
Better off single — Maturity? Really? If you can find a 25 year old who is mature, knows how to communicate and have a serious relationship and has his sh@t together and knows what he wants to do with his life good for you! Personally I don’t think they exist. More likely to find a unicorn. It’s hard to find a 45 year old there who meets those requirements! Bahahaha
anon– I get you can have fun with a 25 year old. I get not everyone wants a long term relationship at every phase in their life. But you can also have fun with a 35 year old or a 40 year old. I don’t get dating a guy who is 5 years older than your daughter or who wasn’t even born when you got with her dad. Does her daughter worry about bringing her boyfriends home to meet mom afraid she might snag one for herself? It’s embarrassing when your mom is trying to prove she’s still young and hip and dates guys your age.April 4, 2019 at 10:37 am #745018
I’ll say that again, in my city, most of the single 40 something males fall into 3 categories:
1. Sedentary/drinking as a hobby- I don’t drink. I can’t date these guys because we have nothing in common.
2. Active men who LITERALLY have no interest in dating me because they date younger women. I could go a long time before getting a date with a fit and active, not looking for a family, mid 40’s man. Their rosters are full with women half my age.
3. Men looking to start their family (finally).
I do date men in their 30’s (that’s my norm), but I meet great men in their 20’s pretty frequently, and I’d say far more frequently than men in their 40’s. If I look over the last year of dating, the guy I connected with most was 28, so a 17 year age gap. We had very similar interests, outlook on life and values. I can tell you we truly enjoyed spending time with each other and nothing felt forced or done for show. And oddly, we shared the same future dream/life goal. And he inspired me to change some of the way I think about things.
I look at my friends and they span age ranges similarly. My best friend is 15 years younger. Yet, I have friends in their 50’s and 50’s.
If you think of dating as basically a conduit towards creating an ideal family environment to raise kids, age ranges do make some sense. No, a 45 year old should not date a 25 year old who wants 6 kids. But when you take kids out of the equation, why should who you date look any different than who you might be friends with? Dating is basically friendship with the added factor of attraction.
So I don’t know, open your mind and maybe date some younger guys and see what you think. You might get a new perspective or he might be a dud.