When he says he wants to keep it casual


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This topic contains 11 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Md 3 weeks, 2 days ago.

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  • #751015 Reply

    Jennie

    Hi! I’ve been dating this guy since late January, but we’re not exclusive and even though he’s very sweet and attentive he says he doesn’t want anything serious. Now, I know he dates around and flirts with other girls, my doubt is if he wants nothing serious WITH ME or he just wants to stay single and keep dating around?

    Like, how do I find out if I’m the issue without asking him directly (because that would be weird lol).

    #751016 Reply

    Ok

    He says he doesn’t want anything serious and he continues to date you casually and meet other women. I don’t understand your question. What else do you need to hear and see?

    It’s it that you are a problem, it’s that he doesn’t see a serious relationship with you. If a guy doesn’t make you exclusive after five months and he says and does what he is doing, that’s your answer. No need to ask him.

    #751020 Reply

    Louise

    Jennie, ‘you’ aren’t the problem but if you’re not even exclusive then you’re also not the one for him. A man who wants YOU in some sense will lock you down somehow – as an exclusive FWB, as a girlfriend.

    Go find someone who won’t leave you in any doubt about whether they want you – you’ll know it when you feel it.

    #751026 Reply

    Better off single

    I dont agree.

    You can feel it and they will somehow “lock you down” and keep you there with no intentions of making anything out of it other than making you miserable creating nothing but doubt, cognitive dissonance, emotional eating, and PTSD by treating you like a trinket or a pet pushing you to the point where if they left, it would hurt, yet, it would also be a relief.

    You can feel it and they probably don’t feel the same way back.

    You can feel it and everything is almost perfect in the beginning. Finally! You found someone who won’t leave you in any doubt about whether they want you. Everything is done right and then it goes down in flames. Because he changed his mind. Because he didn’t see a future with you. Because he didn’t see anything serious with you. Because he never wanted something serious in the first place “let’s just see where this goes” and you took it too seriously at first and were left heart broken and angry.

    If a guy doesn’t want anything serious and you do, move on and save yourself the heartache. Its a hard lesson to learn I guess and advice I wished I would have listened to before it all began.

    #751029 Reply

    Louise

    BOS, you’re obviously have a down patch as you’ve been posting all sorts again.

    No relationship is going to be hearts and flowers forever, but what I meant is that if someone wants you, they’re going to be initiating all the time, showering you with attention, wanting to see you, explore your mind, get to know your history, experience things together.

    Then you either grow together, or you don’t. That’s life. But if you’re not even feeling that initial rush of excitement from the guy, it’s never going to happen.

    #751032 Reply

    tammy

    how can anyone here can answer you? how can anyone here know whether your friend is saying no to a relationship with you or no to a relationship with all?? and does that really matter? he has said clearly he doesn’t want a relationship with you. period. if you want to causally dates him that’s up to you. but if your casually dating him with the hope of him getting serious then your letting yourself in for a disappointment since hes already told no to a relationship.

    #751048 Reply

    anon

    Does it matter? You are either OK with casual or not.

    You won’t get an honest answer if it is you. Either way you will get something generic like “I don’t have time right now”. He is unlikely to say “you just aren’t the one”.

    #751144 Reply

    Jennie

    That’s the problem with guys, they don’t have the courage to straight up tell us like it is.
    I’m fine with dating him casually if that’s the only way I can have him, it’s better than not having him at all, but the problem is if I am the problem then that means he’s just looking for the right girl for him and I’m just a ”play thing”, so as soon as he finds ”THE ONE” he’ll dump me. Or it could be that he really doesn’t want commitment to anyone right now and we can keep our thing going.

    #751152 Reply

    Frizzle

    @Jennie wake up and stop being delusional.

    He HAS told you straight up like it is he’s not going to be serious about you, ever. But since it’s not what you want to hear, you’re disregarding the truth.

    Either way you slice it, he’s going to dump you when he finds someone who ticks all the boxes for him. You don’t seem to get that. Men do a fast about-face on “I don’t want anything serious” when they meet the woman who knocks their socks off.

    If you really want something more then stop being a crumb-taker. You are 100% going to get hurt if you keep seeing him, and lose out on meeting someone you is the one for you.

    #751158 Reply

    Karen

    So you are ok being casual as long as he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone? Do you realize how silly that statement is? Most Men don’t walk around with the idea in their head that they want to settle down. By nature they like their freedom and the dating and sex variety. Is only when they meet a woman who he can’t stand the thought of losing, that he will do a 180 and pursue her intently as a gf or wife.

    You are what’s called a placeholder. You are good enough for now, until he meets someone he wants more. And there is no predicting how soon that could or would happen. Therefore no guarantee how long you can keep him as a fwb, as fwb are always temporary anyway. So the more attached you get the harder it will be when he ghosts, fades or just let’s you know he is moving on.

    You obviously want a real relationship. Why settle for less just to keep an emotionally unavailable man in your life? You could be meeting the man of your dreams instead of wasting time with this one.

    #751165 Reply

    Lane

    The answer is no, you’re not the problem he just doesn’t see or envision anything with you beyond what you have NOW and that’s the nuts and bolts of it.

    Why does he not see you in a different way? Because you don’t possess the IT factor—those tangible (physical) AND intangible (energy she exudes) that makes a man’s stomach flutter and go ga ga for a woman. You possess IT for another guy but not this one and that’s just the way nature designed us. It’s a complex internal chemistry (hormonal) sort of thing where its there for none (neither are feeling it); one (a crush) or both (potential for love to develop). Only when it happens to BOTH parties is there a good chance of a relationship culminating from those feelings but he doesn’t feel them the way you do so this is called A CRUSH or unrequited love where one party is getting those chemical signals but the other is not.

    Think about a guy who was smitten with you but you weren’t smitten with him. It had nothing to with him personally as he could be really cool, nice, and have other positive attributes that you like BUT he doesn’t possess the IT factor and there is nothing he can say or do to change how you feel…same concept. So at least you know he will dump you for someone else so don’t be angry, shocked or mad when he does as it will be a good thing so you can finally end your crush and hopefully find someone who can reciprocate those feelings for you the way you do him.

    #751221 Reply

    Md

    I agree with everyone here. The guy probably sleeps with multiple women for various different reasons and he has put you on his rotation.

    A man will settle on one woman once that one woman possesses all the qualities he wants.

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