When he says he regrets letting you go but does nothing about it

Hi,

Some of you will know me from my previous threads ‘is she a rebound?’ and ‘help with NC and letting go’.

So after my military man leaving me on his return from afghan we had a turbulent couple of months where he dated his ex, went on benders with his mates and on as many lads holidays and festivals ad possible. During this time he contacted me at least once per week for one silly reason or another and eventually 2 months after the split he asked for me back. We were in touch like old times for around a week and then he became wishy washy about meeting up when he was in the uk (he’s based abroad). This lead to an argument as I felt his actions weren’t matching up to his words. I also expressed how upset i’d been about him seeing his ex and the conversation ended with him saying he felt I would bring the situation with his ex up and time and time again so things really wouldn’t work. He told me he was going to leave me alone and let me get on with my life and he was sorry he didn’t fight for me.

Around a month of no contact went by and I sent him a friendly text to which he responded by saying he felt we should leave things alone now. I was actually only trying to be friendly at the time and made him aware of this. My intentions weren’t to get back together, I just wanted to open up a dialogue of communication again and see if we could get on speaking terms. His Mum and sister had continued to contact me a lot and I felt weird speaking to them but not being able to say hello to him now and then. It took a bit of encouragement but the messages ended with him saying ‘it would be good to have a laugh with you’. I heard nothing for a week and then dropped him a casual text asking him the name of a restaurant we once went to, saying I wanted to go back there with friends. I got a really short and to the point message from this so just I simply replied thanking him for his response.

Another week went by and we come to this Monday just gone. I don’t know what it was but I just hit a bit of a breaking point and was really upset and missing him. I ended up sending him a text saying ‘I miss you’. To be honest I didn’t expect a response from this and I was strangely ok with that. I felt that if I didn’t get an answer then that really was my final cue to move on. Here’s the dialogue between us. I’d really appreciate any feedback that people can give on what they think and what I should do next here…

Me: “I miss you”

Ex: “I know how you feel Claire, I really don’t want my head to start going crazy again, you look really good by the way” (this was on whatsapp so he could see my picture)

Me: “Thanks, I understand. Prob shouldn’t have text you, i’m just finding this so hard. I wish we wouldn’t have argued on the phone. I’m so sorry about that. I just don’t think I was ready to talk at the time and I kindof forced myself to”

Ex: “You are so gorgeous. I can’t believe I let you get away Claire. I never wanted to hurt you. I wanted so much with you. I can’t believe we’re not an item anymore, we were so happy” xxxx

Me: I know, and I know you never meant to hurt me. My life doesn’t feel right without you in it. Maybe we can stay in touch and see what happens if you’d like to? Just keep things light, no pressure? If you want some more time then thats fine too, I totally understand” xxx

Ex: “I can’t get over how amazing you look Claire. I don’t know how or where it went wrong. I kick myself every day that it went crazy between us. I miss our laughs together that we had” x

Me: “haha me too, every time something funny happens I find it really hard not to text you”…. I then went on to share a recent funny story.

Ex: “Hahe that’s class, I would have been in bits”

This was in the afternoon. I chose not to respond to this and he text me again in in the evening which I thought was a good sign as he was starting to initiate. He asked me what i’d been up to and we shared a few more messages. He then took a trip down memory lane saying we would have been together 2yrs by now and that our get together story on halloween was a good one, followed by a ton of kisses xxxxxxxxxxxx He then said he had to go to bed as it was getting late and wished me goodnight. I said goodnight to him too and he text back saying “I do miss you xxx” I just put 3 kisses in response to this and left it at that.

That was Monday night and I haven’t heard from him since. I was playing with the idea of asking him how his day had gone on Tuesday but for some reason I didn’t feel compelled to so I let things be, now a few days have gone by instinct tells me not to initiate at the moment and let it be. In weird way I feel really content right now. I think I feel i’ve done all I can at this point and that was all I needed to do for my own piece of mind – i’ve started talking with him and thrown a suggestion out there (which yes, I know he swerved, but if I can stay no contact the suggestion is out there now and he can initiate if he wants to).

I’ve started dating again and i’m speaking to a guy who seems perfect for me at the minute. We’re going on a date next Tuesday and we seem to have exactly the same sense of humour. All of his messages make me smile. I’m really busy in my work and social life too so I feel like i’m pretty happy right now. I’m moving forward either with or without my ex, and i’ve thrown him an opening. If he doesn’t pick up and run with it, i’ll be gone with someone new before long i’m sure.

So I guess i’m asking what you guys make of this. Just as an interesting point more than anything – I just felt these were odd things for a guy to say, while not actually stepping forward. Is he damaged from his time away and needs to heal? Is it a lie? Is he not stepping up because she feels i’m still there right now? (well aware this may be the case which is why i’m not initiating again and leaving the ball in his court). Any other ideas? I’ve never been in this situation before.

Thanks for your thoughts in advance. I hope you’re all happy and well. :) xxx