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November 24, 2019 at 6:51 am #779209
He likes cheap thrills
I’ve been single 4 years. Pretty sure the chapter with my 8 year relationship is over and I’ve turned the page.
I’ve dated here and there. nobody stuck around or I wasn’t very interested in sticking around. For awhile i considered myself emotionally unavailable and better off single. I truly was for those 4 years. I needed to process and gain some self awareness… work out some insecurities. I did pretty good. I dunno why or how I managed to get someone stalking me. I would think I’m boring to watch. Like watching hair grow. This person seems to be the only one who has stuck by me all this time. It’s made my dull life interesting I guess. Difficult, too. This person was also the reason I stuck with the EU status.
It went from -I don’t care who this guy is or what he looks like, he is my soulmate and I am all in. To -f×ck this guy he is toying with my emotions, I feel so humiliated, and now I hate his fkng guts.
It turned me off of dating or wanting to get into another relationship with anyone by the way I was treated. I know I’m not innocent either. I did my fair share of abuse fighting to get out of a nightmare and confusion. which I feel I’ve payed the consequences for said abuse and getting played. Straight up silence and no closure. I’ve accepted it. What i cannot accept is:
1. This person is still watching everything i do, thwarts any attempt I make to date, and I have resented any “help” or desire to cooperate because of it.
C’mon man. Do you want me or not? If not, why won’t you go TF away and just let me do me? Why is there a need to constantly prove to me just how uninterested you are in anything real with me? or how YOU think I’m not ready to date? I fkng get it. You’re a badass. I’m shaking in my boots. I’m not a child…let me move the fk on and you move the fk on. I’m over this sh×t.
2. It really made me hate how controlling and possessive certain people are. I’ve realized not everyone is like that and at least now I know the red flags.
I’m past all that emotionally unavailable bs. I did create a POF account to dip my toes back into the dating pool and for some reason my password keeps getting changed. I really don’t want to have to pay for a dating app, this one is free.
When do you know you’re ready to be in a serious relationship? Don’t you have to meet someone first to even know?